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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/27169201">Remember Me - PART THREE</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jayuscaper/pseuds/Jayuscaper'>Jayuscaper</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Partners For Life [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>Breaking Bad</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Canon-Typical Violence, Eating Disorders, F/M, M/M, Mind Games, Recovered Memories</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-10-23</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-10-28</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-07 01:16:00</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Mature</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>7</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>47,596</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/27169201</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Jayuscaper/pseuds/Jayuscaper</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>The official Third part of the continuing story, takes place the day after the short story Reunited - Jesse is now back in ABQ, and driving someplace with Mike, but what happens now after the events in Mexico, when things with Mr White got interesting in the bathroom and not forgetting Jesse's repressed memories returning... still lots of dangers looming for poor Jesse.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Jesse Pinkman/Original Character(s), Jesse Pinkman/Walter White</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series:</b></td><td>Partners For Life [5]</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Series URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/series/1793962</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>15</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>1. Missing... again...maybe</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>And so PART THREE (technically part 5 of the series) is here!</p><p>The Story so far... this starts of the morning after the events of unofficial part 3 'Reunited' - in which Mike informed Jesse he was with him, and not to tell Walter White he wasn't with him.  So Jesse is in a car with Mike going someplace he has no idea where, and Walt is in the Superlab wondering where Jesse is.  Meanwhile, Del Burley has demanded Franko's attendance in response to the veiled threat from Declan, a wanabe kingpin who doesn't like Gus's even greater rise to power after the events in Mexico...</p><p>Oh and Jesse remembers everything about Del, those lost months in high school... and that Mr White wants to be his friend friend..</p><p>Hope that brings everyone up to speed with where we are right now.  </p><p>The events of unofficial part 4 'Beginnings' are useful to know as this story develops as Jesse will refer to them, but its not vital if you missed that story :)</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>It was mid-morning on a bright day in Albuquerque, the busy business sector of the city was hard at work as Del Burley, dressed in a dark suit to match his mood, was sat at his desk with a pensive look.  He could hear a low chatter of people directly outside his office and expected an interruption soon.</p><p>Franko entered the office abruptly, clearly agitated. ‘So, where’s the fire?’</p><p>‘What the hell happened in Mexico?’ Del asked, not wasting time with pleasantries.</p><p>‘I thought you didn’t want to know?’ Franko defended.</p><p>‘I’ve been contacted by a concerned party, Declan’s gang, seems you’ve elevated Gus Fring when he was supposed to die,’ Del stated sternly.</p><p>‘Patience little one,’ Franko mocked.  ‘You demanded my presence to just rage at me, what is this? I thought it was important and so I rushed over, is this a joke?’</p><p>‘What about Jesse?’</p><p>Franko rolled his eyes, looking upward as if it all suddenly made sense. ‘Look, it’s all in hand ok, I’m not having this conversation with you in this mood, Del,’ Franko returned sharply and turned to leave.</p><p>‘Franko!’ Del snapped. ‘I trusted you to sort this, but from where I’m standing it seemed you only had one objective and that was to kill Don Eladio, my friend, for that stupid girl you fell head over heels for and yet you judge me?’ Del argued. ‘How come you get what you want, but me? I only get the third degree!’ Del gestured wildly.</p><p>Franko stared at Del clearly hurt. ‘I’m not talking to you right now, not like this, the plan is still in motion we are just waiting for the pieces to fall into place so fucking trust me or put me in a ditch, you bastard,’ Franko raged and slammed the office door after he left.</p><p>Del felt the silence consume him as he breathed heavily trying to calm down, in all their years of friendship they had rarely fallen out, and he hated feeling like he did but seeing those photos, seeing what Gus Fring had done at the villa and knowing it was in part driven by Franko’s desire to seek revenge on a wrong had just triggered something deep inside of him.  Franko was usually so precise, but on this he had let Fring live, and he still wasn’t sure about Jesse, had he been killed too? Had Franko managed to get everything his own way?</p><p>Del took a moment to mentally calm down, Franko was a trusted friend, he loved him like a brother and this anger felt misplaced, wrong.  He did trust him, but if Jesse was dead as some collateral in a revenge plot against Don Eladio then Del found himself at odds for the first time ever.  His phone suddenly buzzed, and he quickly checked the message.</p><p>‘Jesse is alive, Gus saved him.’</p><p>Franko’s message produced a wave of emotion that Del was unprepared for as he smiled like a child on Christmas morning. He wanted to cheer and jump for joy, but he managed to contain himself.</p><p>‘We need to talk, my friend, not now but soon, I’m sorry.’ Del sent back and took a deep breath.  He knew what he needed to do, he’d known for a while, ever since they returned to Albuquerque but now, he had to just bite the bullet.  He found a name in his contacts and dialled the number.</p><hr/><p>Walt checked all the dials in the superlab and then went to his phone, seeing no messages.  Taking a deep breath, he got himself out of the safety clothes and left the superlab.  The car journey to Jesse’s didn’t take long in the mid-morning traffic, and he hammered on the kid’s door.</p><p>‘Jesse!’ he hollered.</p><p>There was no reply and he darted round the back and on finding the back door was also locked he happened upon a small open window, not hesitating to climb inside.</p><p>‘Jesse!’ he called again and hurried up the stairs.  He was starting to panic, having expected to bump into a sleepy Jesse making up excuses as to why he wasn’t at the lab yet, the silence was cause for concern.  The bed was empty but had been slept in by the arrangements of the sheets, Walt pulled out his phone and dialled, horrified to find that Jesse’s phone was now buzzing on the bedstand.</p><p>Stunned Walt tried to think of possible or plausible explanations, and each one made his panic rise even further after their early morning phone call.  Did Jesse work himself up after that call, did the memories cause him to freak out even more, was this about that stupid blowjob, had he misread how much it had freaked Jesse out and the kid’s now done a runner?  Jesse’s car was still parked outside, his phone was right here, he didn’t leave of his own accord Walt suddenly realised.  Has someone caught up with him?  Del Burley, Franko, Gus or Hank?</p><p>Walt needed answers, as he took a deep breath to lessen his panic and dialled a number.</p><hr/><p>Mike groaned when he saw who was calling and tiredly hit the answer button as he put the phone to his ear.</p><p>‘Walter White, how can I help you?’ he asked, noticing Jesse snap his attention to him from the passenger seat.  ‘Yes, Jesse is with me today.  He is fine, go back to the lab and finish the cook, Tyrus can help with the lifting and cleaning, I’ve told him to make himself available for today.’</p><p>Mike rolled his eyes and handed the phone to Jesse without comment.</p><p>‘Mr White?’</p><p>‘Jesse are you ok?’ Walt asked with relief.</p><p>‘Yeah, sorry I would have texted, but Mike told me not to,’ Jesse replied.</p><p>‘Why would he do that? I almost had a heart attack when I saw your room was empty,’ Walt returned with concern.</p><p>‘You broke into my house?’ Jesse checked, and noted Mike now glancing at him.</p><p>‘I didn’t know where you were, Jesse, you didn’t take your phone, I was worried about you, especially after everything last night and that phone call in the early hours, what did you expect Jesse?’ Walt explained.</p><p>‘Oh yeah, sorry, didn’t mean to freak you out, I didn’t take my phone to stop me telling you where I am,’ Jesse remembered.  ‘We’re cool, I’m cool, Mr White, you don’t have to worry, my head is much better today, anyway how did you get into my house, I locked it up?’</p><p>‘That doesn’t matter,’ Walt dismissed.  ‘What is going on, Jesse, why are you with Mike?’</p><p>‘I don’t know,’ Jesse looked at Mike, who offered him a warning glare.  ‘I just am. We’re driving someplace.’</p><p>‘Put Mike back on, and stay safe, Jesse, ok?’ Walt stated, as Jesse handed the phone back to Mike.</p><p>‘It’s business, Walt, we can’t talk about it,’ Mike stated.</p><p>‘When will you be back?’ Walt asked.</p><p>‘None of your business Walt, look, I get that you are worried about your boy, don’t be, everything is fine, and we will be back before you know it.’</p><p>‘Don’t patronise me, Mike,’ Walt stressed.</p><p>‘Walt, he’s with me, everything is ok,’ Mike stated firmly.</p><p>Walt paused for a bit before speaking, he didn’t sound completely convinced. ‘Ok,’ he simply said before signing off.</p><p>Mike replaced the phone back into the holder and glanced at Jesse. ‘He really doesn’t like you playing with others, does he?’</p><p>‘I’m not his fucking boy,’ Jesse sighed, and looked out towards the endless desolate surroundings. </p><p>‘I’m glad to hear it,’ Mike smirked.</p><p>‘I’m serious, yo, why do you have to be like that? Talk about me like that?’ Jesse asked, looking upset keeping his eyes on the scenery outside.</p><p>‘That man winds me up,’ Mike admitted.  ‘I don’t like how he treats you, kid, that’s the truth and I’m sorry, it’s not a slight on you, but him,’ Mike continued and then saw Jesse glance at him angrily.</p><p>‘I’m not a kid, I don’t need you telling me who I should be fucking friends with,’ Jesse snapped.</p><p>‘Ok, you’re right, I’m sorry,’ Mike conceded gruffly.  ‘But you won’t be able to change my mind about Walter White, I’m too long in the tooth to not be fooled by his actions.’</p><p>‘Fine,’ Jesse grumpily replied. ‘You don’t know him like I do, that’s all I’m saying.’</p><p>‘I get that the two of you have a connection, and no, I don’t mean in that way,’ Mike quickly stated on seeing the flash of concern on Jesse’s face. ‘I saw how he calmed you, helped you when you were in distress after what that lunatic did to you.’</p><p>‘Which one?’ Jesse huffed.</p><p>‘Fair point, but why him?’ Mike asked.  ‘Why do you allow him to be that person who can calm you down, make you feel safe?’ he ventured.  ‘Of all the people in this world, you let a man like Walter White have that over you.’</p><p>‘He has nothing over me!’ Jesse threw back. ‘Ok? He has nothing over me,’ Jesse’s face crumbled, as his emotions flashed to the surface. ‘I trust him, why do I have to justify that to you? You? A man who willingly works for a monster like Gus Fring? Who will kill me before Mr White gets a chance, so how dare you judge me when you are ‘that’ man!’ Jesse stated firmly.</p><p>Mike did not respond and kept his eyes on the road, focusing on driving but inside his anger was at boiling point.  He could hear Jessie trying to compose himself, and fidgeting in his seat, wiping his face, as Mike fought to control his own reactions to Jesse’s outburst.</p><p>‘Where are we going anyway?’ Jesse quietly spoke up after a few tense minutes.</p><p>‘You’ll find out when we get there,’ Mike informed him bluntly.</p><p>‘Did I do something wrong?’ Jesse then asked. ‘I mean with Gus?’</p><p>‘Why do you ask that?’ Mike asked, keeping his eyes on the road.</p><p>‘Is this a punishment?  Are you tidying up loose ends, I witnessed what Gus did at the villa, was I even supposed to survive that?’ Jesse asked with slight panic in his voice.</p><p>‘Relax, your imagination is running riot,’ Mike stated a little more calmly.</p><p>‘This is too weird, you’re driving me out to the middle of nowhere, what am I supposed to think? And like some stupid dumbass I just go with you when you ask me to,’ Jesse stressed, clearly getting himself worked up again.</p><p>‘Kid, last week you cooked that blue crystal to a similar purity that the great Heisenberg gets, what possible business reason would Gus have to kill you now and dump you out here?’ Mike asked, and then turned off the road onto a dirt track.</p><p>‘Ah shit,’ Jesse exclaimed with irritation. ‘This is just another play, isn’t it? Using me as the fucking bait?’ Jesse moaned, his breathing quickened as he sunk into his seat a bit more, bringing his hand up to his face.</p><p>‘Excuse me?’ Mike checked, and his patience was wearing thin again at Jesse’s rants.</p><p>‘Gus is using me again to get to Mr White, showing him that I don’t just work with Mr White, I work for Gus, right?’ Jesse offered.  ‘Trying to get me to turn against Mr White, you’re going to show me I can be my own man, right?’</p><p>‘Jesse,’ Mike stated with a tired air.  ‘Today you’re with me, that’s all this is.’</p><p>‘Bullshit,’ Jesse grumbled, and rested his arm on the door, putting his face into his hand.</p><p>Mike pulled up by some discarded old scrap of land, and without word got out of the car going to the trunk to take out a shovel.  Jesse didn’t particularly feel threatened, but he got out of the car to stretch his legs, and to be ready just in case.  He desperately wanted to trust Mike, he had no genuine reason not to bar the Gus thing, and he remembered how Mike had proven over the past few weeks to be an ally. </p><p>Jesse felt Mike did genuinely give a shit about him in more recent times, but the earlier exchange in the car however still nagged at him, mainly because Mike hit a nerve Jesse did not know that he had.  What happened in the bathroom with Mr White the day before, all of that, was still playing on Jesse’s mind and it seemed that Mike could see right through it all, and Jesse hated that about the old man.</p><p>Jesse watched anxiously as he saw Mike retrieve a bag of money and it all started to make sense, money drops, something he’d done on a smaller scale himself at one point.  Relaxing a little bit, he got back in the car but absently held his stomach for a moment, feeling the stress of the day so far catching up with him and suddenly feeling a bit unsettled, he took some deep breaths and drank some water to try and relieve the feelings.  Mike was soon finished, and in no time at all the car started up again.</p><p>‘So why didn’t you just say we were doing cash drops?’ Jesse asked quietly.</p><p>‘And ruin the surprise,’ Mike returned dryly.</p><p>Jesse offered a small smile as he glanced at Mike. ‘Sorry about earlier, I didn’t mean to get all upset,’ Jesse then spoke, he didn’t like the weird atmosphere or how he was feeling, he needed to say something.</p><p>‘I’m sorry if I upset you, that wasn’t my intention, kid,’ Mike genuinely returned.  ‘I know things have been a bit weird between us since Mexico, but I’ve still got your back, kid.’</p><p>Jesse saw a genuine look from Mike, it was true he had started to question Mike’s intentions, but that look had been enough to let him relax a little bit at least.  ‘So, am I supposed to look out for you now, be on watch at these drops, be your man?’</p><p>‘You are not my man, Jesse, you will never be the man,’ Mike responded tiredly, but saw Jesse seemed at odds with his response so decided to change the subject before another row erupted between them. ‘What’s with the new haircut?’ Mike finally asked.</p><p>‘Just wanted a change,’ Jesse mumbled, his hand running through what little remained of his hair.</p><p>‘It looks good, could almost pass as a man now,’ Mike jested, and earned a glare from Jesse, that quickly turned to a smirk.</p><p>‘So why am I here if I’m not your man?’</p><p>‘Gus wanted you to see a bit more of the business, that is all,’ Mike stated.</p><p>‘So that I don’t feel like I’m just Mr Whites lab monkey?’ Jesse reasoned.</p><p>Mike narrowed his eyes.  ‘Is that how you see yourself?’</p><p>‘No,’ Jesse returned quickly. ‘But admit it, it’s how you saw me at first, you thought I was a waste of space till recently, then I cook some good shit, and now I’m going on money drops with you, being shown the business? I’m not an idiot.’</p><p>‘I thought you were a little shit,’ Mike corrected, and Jesse threw a glare at him. ‘But yes, things have changed so stop fighting us, we stand corrected.’</p><p>‘Changes nothing,’ Jesse remarked.  ‘I am not working that lab solo, it’s Mr White and me, or nothing.’</p><p>Mike looked at Jesse for a moment before responding.  ‘I respect your loyalty, I really do, but is it with the right guy?’</p><p>Jesse scoffed.  ‘Seriously? Gus was just part of something that played me between a couple of sick and dangerous mad men and the cartel, and you think I’m loyal to the wrong man? You saw what they did to me, yo? Didn’t you? In Mexico, I know you must have seen the bruises? Did Gus tell you what state he found me in the villa?’ Mike didn’t respond, he couldn’t respond because Jesse was right about what he knew.  ‘Those guys thought I was Gus’s or Heisenberg’s bitch, yo, you know how that feels, huh?  I cooked as good as Heisenberg but that didn’t matter, all they saw was a thing to fuck and abuse,’ Jesse huffed and sunk down in his seat, as his emotions threatened. ‘I can cook as good as Heisenberg for fucks sake, why does this shit keep happening to me?’</p><p>‘Kid, you shouldn’t even be in this business full stop,’ Mike stated. ‘Never forget who got you messed up in all this in the first place.’</p><p>Jesse snapped his attention back to Mike. ‘I got myself into this, yo, you can’t pin that on Mr White,’ Jesse defended. ‘I can’t blame other people for my screw ups, when I’m the one who willingly became a junkie, who acted up cos of my shitty parents, no one forced me to do any of that stuff at the start, I exposed myself to this crappy world, me, I did that,’ Jesse returned sharply, but suddenly stopped as he remembered all what he had learned, remembered about himself, feeling panicked suddenly as he remembered Del Burley and his fifteen year old self. He suddenly felt sick, everything he had believed to be his fault now he wasn’t so sure, he felt conflicted, confused and angry.</p><p>‘Hey, kid,’ Mike’s voice brought him back. ‘Breath, ok, what’s going on in that head of yours?’</p><p>Jesse snapped his attention back to the present, he had to get a grip he considered. ‘Nothing,’ he simply replied when he noticed Mike glancing at him with concern.</p><p>‘So why don’t you get yourself out of this world?’ Mike asked.  ‘Jesse?’ Mike pushed when Jesse didn’t immediately answer.</p><p>‘And do what?’ Jesse asked shakily, clearly still distracted.</p><p>‘You’re not an idiot,’ Mike replied.</p><p>‘I’m not employable,’ Jesse complained finding his voice again, still a little distracted but not wanting to have to explain why to Mike. ‘And yes, I have tried, without further education all I can get is mind numbing dumb fuck work, you’ve seen what I can do in this world, despite appearances I’m good at this, what I’m doing right now, this is what I’m best at.’</p><p>‘So long as you have Mr White by your side,’ Mike pointed out. ‘Even though you don’t need him, Jesse, but he needs you, we’ve all seen that, but you, Jesse, you don’t need him.</p><p>‘We’re partners 50/50,’ Jesse reminded him stubbornly.</p><p>‘And when Cancer finally takes him?’ Mike enquired.</p><p>‘I should have made enough by then to disappear,’ Jesse stated.</p><p>‘So, you do have an exit strategy?’ Mike stated.</p><p>‘I guess,’ Jesse admitted.</p><p>‘Well that’s good to hear, you’re too young to be mixed up in this world,’ Mike remarked before the car fell silent once again, Mike sensed Jesse was distracted now but he wasn’t sure by what so decided to once again change the subject and steer clear of Mr White conversation for a while.  ‘So how are you feeling, after everything you’ve been through lately?’</p><p>Jesse reached down and grabbed his water bottle, taking a swig before speaking.  ‘Better, stomach still a bit tender, my back still kills,’ he offered with a grimace.</p><p>‘Are you keeping up with your meds ok?’ Mike asked.</p><p>‘Yeah,’ Jesse answered.</p><p>‘What about for your back? That cream you were given. Do you need help with that?’ Mike asked.</p><p>‘No, it’s all good,’ Jesse quickly answered and saw Mike giving him a questioning look.  ‘Mr White helped me with it yesterday.’</p><p>‘Ok,’ Mike couldn’t hide his surprise but said nothing more, wondering why every conversation keeps swinging back to that damn man.</p><p>‘You know he has a kid with special needs, right? He’s good with the first aid stuff, it’s not weird ok?’ Jesse defended, a little too strongly.</p><p>‘You’re right, I forgot about that,’ Mike reasoned, but looked at the red flush that seemed to have suddenly appeared in Jesse’s face. ‘I’m just surprised that you were ok with it.’</p><p>‘Why wouldn’t I be?’ Jesse asked, a little on edge, not really wanting his thoughts to return to what had happened between him and Mr White the day before.</p><p>‘I don’t know, I guess I shouldn’t be surprised,’ Mike agreed.  ‘You two are close, I get it, despite the constant bickering,’ Mike trod carefully, it seemed the topic of Mr White was just a given in any conversation this kid had.</p><p>‘Yeah, well, we’re a team,’ Jesse said and looked out to the landscape again.</p><p>‘More like a married couple,’ Mike observed with a sly grin.</p><p>‘Fuck off,’ Jesse returned, but added a small smile eventually.</p><p>‘You did worry me a few weeks back, you seemed so out of it at times, it wasn’t fun to witness,’ Mike then spoke up.</p><p>Jesse glanced at Mike.  ‘Yeah, my head was pretty messed up for a time there,’ Jesse remarked thinking it wasn’t much better now, he sighed. ‘I’ve been clean for a couple of weeks, and I guess the torture all helped to distract and clear out my head,’ he added, but failing to mention the previous night where he suddenly remembered pretty much every shitty thing to ever happen to him.</p><p>‘So, what now?’ Mike asked.  ‘What does Jesse Pinkman plan to do now?’</p><p>Jesse shrugged. ‘Might try hooking up with Andrea again, if she’ll have me, be fun to hang out with little Brock again,’ he suggested. ‘Then keep cooking with Mr White, maybe go and see Doctor Carmichael a few times.’</p><p>‘That’s good to hear,’ Mike said. ‘I think he would do you some good.’</p><p>‘Hey, are we stopping soon?’ Jesse then asked, absently rubbing his stomach.</p><p>‘You hungry? Or need the restroom?’ Mike checked.</p><p>‘Actually, can you stop right now,’ Jesse then asked with urgency, and seemed to pale instantly.</p><p>Mike immediately pulled in and stopped, and Jesse already had his seat belt off and door open as the brakes were applied, he hurried to the bush falling to his knees and started to be sick. Mike grabbed Jesse’s water from the footwell, before slowly getting out of the car, walking to where Jesse had run to, now starting to dry heave.</p><p>‘Hey Kid, sit back,’ Mike advised and offered the bottle.</p><p>Looking flustered and red in the face, Jesse took some shaky deep breaths.  He patted the pockets of his hoodie and found some pills and popped them into his mouth with no hesitation.  He took the bottle and sipped a bit before putting the bottle down.</p><p>Mike put a hand gently on the back of Jesse’s head.  ‘Take your time, no rush,’ he simply said with care.</p><p>Jesse let his head drop, as he got his breath back.  Taking more water before he reached out to Mike who assisted him in getting to his feet, it took a moment for him to find his balance.</p><p>‘Man, stomach cramps are a bitch,’ Jesse complained, not moving for a moment, hunched over. ‘I gotta be honest, I’m not feeling great right now,’</p><p>‘You just emptied half your body weight at the side of the road, kid, I’m not surprised, come on,’ Mike assisted Jesse back to the car.  ‘Lie down in the back for a bit, get some sleep,’ Mike suggested, and Jesse offered no complaint as he climbed into the back.</p><p>Mike returned to the driver’s seat and pulled away to continue his day’s work, hoping Jesse just needed to rest.</p><hr/><p>‘It should make the test I have planned more interesting,’ Gus simply said.</p><p>‘The kid is out for the count, Gus,’ Mike spoke over the phone, he was stood outside of his car with only a couple more pick-ups left to do for the day.  He had called Gus to inform him of Jesse’s condition knowing the kingpin had plans to test Jesse, but his current condition did not really allow for it although Gus did not seem too fazed by it.</p><p>‘I understand what you are saying, and I will take that into account, but I am not calling off the test,’ Gus stated and finished the call.</p><p>Mike looked at his phone and frowned, sometimes he wondered if he was the only decent criminal around.  He looked back into the car, seeing Jesse was still asleep on the back seat, knowing he only had two more drops left and nothing had happened, it was probably wise to wake the kid up so he can be semi-prepared for whatever Gus had planned.</p><p>He opened the back door, gently shaking Jesse.  ‘Jesse, wake up.’</p><p>With a moan Jesse began stir, blinking as he groggily woke up.  ‘Are we home?’</p><p>‘Not quite but I need you awake for the next two stops if that’s ok, I need your eyes for these ones,’ Mike simply said and offered Jesse his water, he quickly took some sips and then wiped his eyes. ‘How are you feeling?’</p><p>‘Achey,’ Jesse simply said, then rummaged in his pockets and found a protein bar that he tried to eat but ended up nuzzling instead.</p><p>‘Try and take some bites maybe?’ Mike suggested.</p><p>‘Meh,’ Jesse wrapped the bar up again and sat up, before moving to the door to get out.  Using the car frame to support him he gingerly got to his feet. ‘How long was I out?’</p><p>‘About four hours,’ Mike estimated.</p><p>Jesse tried to stretch, and he pulled at his clothes to get them sitting right again.  ‘Feel hot,’ Jesse complained.</p><p>‘Take the hoodie off maybe?’ Mike said with an obvious air.</p><p>Reluctantly Jesse tugged at the hoodie and threw it onto the back seat, before closing the door and getting into the passenger seat, taking a few more sips of the water.  Taking it as a cue to go, Mike walked round to the driver’s side and started it up, pulling away for the final part of his day.</p><hr/><p>Del Burley took a moment to look out of the window of his corner office, overlooking downtown Albuquerque, the late afternoon sun was bathing the city and he found himself remembering when he first arrived over ten years ago. This was a city he had avoided coming back to for so many years but one he had always been drawn to, and when Franko suggested they set up a more permanent base here, he hadn’t needed convincing.  His memory drifted to those early days and inevitably his early indiscretions, for so long he avoided the temptation mainly due to Franko pretty much threatening his life if he even did a google search for the name Pinkman.</p><p>Obviously, his idiot son had forced the issue and brought Pinkman back into his life, and it was only now that Del allowed himself to really wonder what that had been.  The chances that his son Grant would attack Jesse Pinkman, the Jesse Pinkman he had spent ten years trying to forget, and then his kid pretty much shooting him the first chance he got, Del shook his head and smiled at the ridiculousness of the situation until he froze for a moment, why did Grant take a gun to Pinkman’s house?</p><p>The door flew open and Franko waltzed in, all smiles as if their earlier confrontation had never happened, holding a takeout cup of coffee in his hand.  ‘Hey Del, I trust your mood is brighter now,’ he checked and put his bag on the table, and his put coffee down as he removed his jacket.  ‘Everything ok, did my text do the job I intended?’</p><p>‘I was just thinking,’ Del offered. ‘About Jesse Pinkman.’</p><p>‘Newsflash,’ Franko rolled his eyes and sighed.</p><p>‘It was you, wasn’t it?’ Del then questioned.</p><p>‘Probably, but for what exactly?’ Franko teased.</p><p>‘You told Grant about Jesse Pinkman, gave him a loaded gun, knowing there would be meth on tap in the house, you know how it affects me when I take it and either guessed or knew Grant would react the same way,’ Del continued. ‘You told him about Jesse, you manipulated my son to become obsessed with Jesse, it wasn’t just random,’ Del stated.</p><p>‘Wow,’ Franko said as he stared back at Del in wonder.</p><p>‘Wow? That’s all you have to say?’ Del challenged, but tried not to sound too angry remembering earlier, he didn’t want to fight.</p><p>‘Yeah,’ Franko offered, as he busied himself with his bag. ‘How the hell did it take you this long to figure that out?’</p><p>Del sighed loudly, Franko was unbelievably thorough in anything he did. ‘So, this whole fucking mess, with Jesse, and now Gus Fring, it was all because you just wanted to see Jesse dead?’</p><p>‘If your son hadn’t of been so fucking useless, I would have got away with it too,’ Franko simply said. ‘And for the record, I still want that junkie dead, but the current situation means he can’t be dead just yet.’</p><p>‘He’s never been the threat you think he is,’ Del explained calmly.</p><p>‘You are never talking with your brain when you talk about that boy toy,’ Franko dismissed. ‘He is a huge threat, remains a huge threat, and I’m sorry your dick doesn’t agree but we have a company to protect so for that reason Jesse Pinkman is a threat, will always be a threat.’</p><p>Del decided it wasn’t worth having this conversation again so conceded and let it drop. ‘So, tell me, what is the plan right now?’</p><p>‘Right now, we are waiting for your boy toy,’ Franko began but was cut off by Del.</p><p>‘For fucks sake just use his name, please,’ Del snapped, and Franko looked amused.</p><p>‘We are waiting for Jesse Junkie boy,’ Franko saw Del’s glare. ‘Pinkman to start seeing Doctor Carmichael, it’s only been a couple of days but I’m confident from what I’ve heard that Jesse will make that appointment this week.’</p><p>‘Who have you heard this from?’ Del asked.</p><p>‘Carmichael tells me the old guy, Mike, has contacted him a couple of times since he was in Mexico, he’s pushing Jesse to see him, and well, I don’t think many people go against that guys wishes,’ Franko smiled.</p><p>‘Ok, that’s good,’ Del agreed.</p><p>‘So, Carmichael is going to use their sessions to find out the identity of Heisenberg, or at least as much detail about their operation as possible, under this guise of helping to free Jesse from this new bad influence.’</p><p>‘There’s something else I want to happen,’ Del then spoke.</p><p>‘If it’s you and Pinkman catching up about old times, you already know my answer,’ Franko stated sternly.</p><p>‘No,’ Del didn’t rise to the bait. ‘Jesse needs to know the truth about his family.’</p><p>‘It’s not our business, Del,’ Franko warned.</p><p>‘He still doesn’t know does he?’ Del frowned.</p><p>‘What does it matter? They appear to be estranged anyway and if things go well, he’ll be dead soon,’ Franko dismissed.</p><p>Del turned away from Franko with frustration. ‘I’m sick of this attitude,’ Del raged. ‘I get it, ok, I get it,’ he yelled towards Franko, unable to keep his temper in check any longer. ‘You hate Jesse, you don’t have to keep reminding me but I’m sorry, I don’t, and I never will,’ Del stressed. ‘Just like you could never forget that girl and killed an entire cartel in seeking revenge, don’t you get it?’</p><p>‘You cannot compare the two, so just don’t ok!’ Franko warned.  ‘How you feel does not matter, Del, why do you refuse to get that!’ Franko returned angrily. ‘He just has to remember, Del, and he will, one day very soon he will remember everything and then what?’</p><p>‘I thought you were dealing with it!’ Del yelled.</p><p>‘I’m trying to, for fucks sake I am trying, have tried, been forever trying,’ Franko exclaimed, his voice breaking as he turned away. ‘Jesse Pinkman has to die, it’s that simple,’ Franko said as calmly as he was able. ‘Why does it keep coming back to this, Del, why?’ he asked with frustration clear.</p><p>‘Forgive me if I’m wrong, but for all your trying the last I heard from you is that Pinkman is still very much alive,’ Del mocked angrily.  ‘You can’t kill him, admit it!’</p><p>Franko glared at Del for a moment, clearly angered by Del’s words. ‘I have wanted to kill him since the first time I found him in your bed, but each time I get the chance to end him I see your pathetic face in my head,’ Franko stated, clearly at odds. ‘That first time I got the chance, after what Lucas did to the kid, it would have been kinder to just break the kid’s neck and put him out of his misery but I couldn’t do It,’ Franko looked broken. ‘Because of you, Del,’ Franko stated slowly. ‘If Pinkman is still breathing it’s all on you, Del, not me.’</p><p>Del offered a smirk. ‘You can’t kill him because you know I will never forgive you, our partnership would be finished and you can’t give this up any more than I can give up hope that one day, maybe, one day, me and Jesse might be able to, I don’t know, reconcile,’ Del paused.</p><p>‘That can never happen, Del, believe me you are living in a dream world,’ Franko frowned, tired by the conversation.  ‘We should never have come back here. I should have pushed harder to close this office the minute we let that boy live.’</p><p>‘Why did we come back? It was your idea after all, you thought a more permanent base in this part of the world would be a good idea but you knew the risk, you can’t of thought I’d be in this city and never think of or see Jesse,’ Del considered.  ‘Ten years you stopped me being here, not even for a meeting you would insist on coming here instead but suddenly, you just suggested now would be a good time to up sticks and move operations here, why?’</p><p>Franko took a deep breath and sat down. ‘It’s been ten years, Del,’ Franko offered, gesturing with his arms. ‘And yet every day I seemed to catch you just somewhere else, these moments where I knew full well where your head was.  I just wanted to end this once and for all, I needed to see what I suspected, see how you would be being back here with temptation so close, and I don’t know if things would have been different if your son hadn’t been so useless in his task, but when the dumbfuck actually fell head over heels for the kid too, just like his dumbfuck father,’ Franko frowned and failed to end that chain of thought. ‘I’ve seen enough now, heard enough just today, and I saw you pretty much molest the junkie within two minutes of finally getting him to yourself, Del,’ Franko shrugged. ‘You have a problem, Del, and it’s a big enough problem that I fear for this company, and for you, Del. You’re losing your mind over that junkie, seriously losing it.’</p><p>Del rubbed his face, he couldn’t deny any of what Franko had accused him off. ‘So, what do you suggest?’ Del asked. ‘And if you say kill Jesse one more time, I swear to god,’ Del raged but he saw Franko already shaking his head.</p><p>‘I’ve tried killing him, then I tried to get Grant to do it, then I gave him to the fucking Cartel and they failed, I even tried Gus Fring on some hope that the kid was annoying enough he’d jump at the chance,’ Franko offered.  ‘I admit defeat, ok, right now I’m done, the junkie has more lives than the luckiest cat alive.’</p><p>Del smirked. ‘So, does that mean Jesse being killed is finally off the table?’</p><p>Franko sighed heavily. ‘Yes, so if you can’t beat them, well I did do that quite well, so if you can’t kill them, then we need to join them.’</p><p>Del narrowed his eyes. ‘What do you mean?’</p><p>‘Christ, Del, he’s twenty-five, he’s legal, you want him? Go get him,’ Franko stated. ‘Get him on side, in your bed whatever it takes to ensure he doesn’t ever kill our company with what he remembers, when he remembers,’ Franko declared. ‘You keep telling me I misjudged what I saw that it was real and genuine, so go prove it.’</p><p>‘If he doesn’t remember I can hardly start flirting with him, how do you propose I do what you’re suggesting, exactly?’ Del asked.</p><p>‘Trust me, he’s already started remembering, all I did was delay the inevitable by a few weeks, he’ll know exactly who and what you are the next time you see him, I don’t think that will be a problem,’ Franko assured him. ‘It’s been keeping me awake for days but you know what, I want a fucking nights sleep, so do whatever.’</p><p>‘You’ll make sure Alice never finds out?’ Del checked.</p><p>‘Oh, how lovely you do remember your wife’s name I was beginning to wonder,’ Franko teased.</p><p>‘She decided to stay in New York, you should ask yourself if she even remembers what I look like, let alone my name,’ Del stated bitterly. ‘She somehow never forgets my bank card however.’</p><p>‘Del, just go find your fantasy, and I hope to god, sincerely hope to god, you find what you’ve been lusting for all these years, because I fear for you my friend if you don’t,’ Franko offered.  ‘I’m tired and after all I’ve had to put up with, I really do want to be proved wrong just this once.’</p><p>‘How does this play with your plan, the Heisenberg stuff?’ Del checked.</p><p>‘Hey, if you can get into the junkie’s pants, you’ve just bagged us a decent cook, maybe Heisenberg will follow or maybe your boy toy will be interested in a solo venture that you fund,’ Franko considered tiredly.  ‘Of course, we need to factor in the very real possibility that your boy toy is no longer exclusive to you, we still don’t know for sure if he belongs to either Gus or Heisenberg, so you better brush up on your best seduction techniques if you’re going to make this work.’</p><p>The sudden thought that Jesse could be with someone else ignited a fire inside Del that took him by surprise, he didn’t want to think of Jesse in the arms of another man, and he wasn’t prepared to accept that.</p><p>Del frowned, then looked at his tired looking friend, feeling guilty in part for his surrender. ‘So, tell me really what has prompted this sudden change of heart, this isn’t like you Franko.’</p><p>‘I’m tired, Del, tired of this, the fighting and the tension ever since we got to this godforsaken place,’ Franko gestured. ‘We’re friends, right? Friends for over twenty years and you’ve worn me down, what happened this morning, that rage? And when I see your face when you talk about him, I saw you with him in your arms, Del, however questionable,’ Franko frowned. ‘Don Eladio is dead, I got what I wanted so maybe you’re right, I should let you at least try to get what you want because it’s obvious that everything you already have isn’t enough.’</p><p>‘Franko,’ Del moved closer to his long-term friend. ‘It was my respect for you that stopped me acting on my more natural instincts these past ten years, that also forgave you for all you’ve done to protect my business, to protect me,’ Del stated.  ‘Since you took him away from me that fateful night I have had to simply look on as others, yourself included, have hurt and almost killed the one person I’ve ever truly cared about,’ Del sighed, but his voice laced with anger. ‘I’ve allowed you to keep him from me to the point that he might well look at me with hate, anger and confusion, and you say now, now you’re just going to step aside?’</p><p>‘Del, I told you, I’m tired and I’ve done what I’ve needed to do only to protect you,’ Franko stated.</p><p>‘Well that’s good, because I’ve been thinking as well and I want you to return to New York,’ Del then stated, a sudden confidence in his voice. ‘You are not the only one who is tired, Franko,’ Del admitted. ‘I’m tired of you, Franko, right now and we need a break.’</p><p>‘What about the plan?’</p><p>‘To take over Gus Fring’s business, to entice Jesse to cook for us, to find out who Heisenberg is?’ Del considered. ‘I got this, whatever your plan is with that doctor, just let me deal with it for once.’</p><p>Franko looked amused. ‘So, this is you now telling me to butt out and leave you to it?’</p><p>‘Let me work this out for myself, Franko, let me take the fall if that’s what I need to take, you and company are already protected,’ Del stated.</p><p>‘How do you figure that? Pinkman really is a threat my friend,’ Franko stated. ‘If this goes wrong, the press just get a sniff, it’s all over for you, for all of us, you’ll suddenly find those influential friends will disappear in a flash.’</p><p>Del took a deep breath. ‘You’ve put the years in, Franko, you’ve protected me all that time, tidied up my messes, covered many indiscretions of mine up and most importantly you didn’t or couldn’t kill Jesse, and this company it’s as much yours as it is mine,’ Del smiled. ‘And now it’s all yours.’</p><p>‘Mine?’ Franko checked.</p><p>‘I signed the paperwork this afternoon, you just have to counter sign it and it’s all yours, I’ve taken a share of the money and I’m out of here,’ Del declared</p><p>Franko moved over to where Del was stood. ‘You’re serious, you’ve really done this?’</p><p>Del grabbed an envelope from his desk. ‘Take this to Albert in the morning, get it all finalised, then head back to New York, have some fun, quit worrying about me.’</p><p>‘I’ll never quit worrying about you,’ Franko frowned and took the envelope. ‘I’m not sure I can do the frontend business, I’m more a shadows kind of guy.’</p><p>‘You can, we have good team around us remember? It’s your time, go legit,’ Del stated. ‘But more importantly you need to cut all ties to me, because if this goes how you think it’s going to go, you don’t want me messing up your new venture so early in your tenure.’</p><p>‘I’m not sure I’m happy about that, you built this business, it’s your baby,’ Franko stated.</p><p>‘Not anymore,’ Del simply said, and as a gesture he took his office keys and placed them firmly in Franko’s hands. ‘I’ll be on the phone, if you need me, but seriously, be the best boss.’</p><p>Franko watched as Del left the room, dumbstruck by the turn of events and he looked at the envelope in his hands. With a frown he glanced around Del’s office, his office now and headed straight for the drink’s cabinet, he needed a strong one.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0002"><h2>2. The test</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>The final pick-up and Mike know's Gus's test is going to begin, but is Jesse fit enought and ready?</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Mike tried to appear calm as he pulled up at the final pick up, he glanced at the semi-dozing Jesse in the passenger seat.  He looked tired, withdrawn and in need of his bed, not ready to face whatever test Gus had planned for him.  He parked the car and as on the previous drops got out without word and closed the door, walking away he felt his anger rising at what was to happen but felt powerless to stop it.  He walked into the main building, fully expecting for things to play out as soon as he closed the building door.</p>
<p>Jesse stretched a little on hearing the car door shut, and seeing Mike disappear into the building, aware that he should stay alert whilst Mike was away from the car. He was struggling to stay focused, and his body ached. His mind still troubled by what he now remembered but he couldn’t say anything to Mike, certainly not after the awkward conversation about Mr White earlier he realised.  He was starting to feel hungry for the first time in a while, and he remembered the protein bar he stuffed back into his hoodie pocket so climbed into the back of the car, where he had discarded the item of clothing earlier.  Finding the bar, he took a couple of bites, and for once found it easy to eat.</p>
<p>He was just about to take a third bite when he heard a noise from outside, and cautiously peeked over the back seat to see a man with a gun walking towards the car.  Dropping the food bar, Jesse had to think quickly, the man was almost at the car and Jesse wasn’t sure if he had time to dive into the front to floor the car and drive away, but he also couldn’t let these people take all the money on his first watch so on instinct he flew into the driver’s seat regardless, just as the passenger door was opened by the man. </p>
<p>Panicked, Jesse started the engine as he sensed the gun being raised and he slammed down the pedal jumping the car forward just as the man was going to fire the gun.  Jesse flinched when he was suddenly showered in glass as the frame of the passenger door knocked the gunman’s hand as he fired, and the bullet hit the windscreen instead.  In his shock Jesse veered the car into the side of the building sending him forward abruptly slamming his head into the steering column, stunning him momentarily. </p>
<p>As he regained his senses, Jesse became aware that the gun man had caught him up and was almost back at the still open passenger side.  Jesse quickly stuck the car in reverse and just slammed the pedal down again, adjusting the steering to get straightened up and he knocked the gun man flying with the still open passenger door. </p>
<p>He then saw that the gun man’s car was blocking his exit from the ally, but Jesse was now running on pure adrenalin, as he slammed the car into the other vehicle, shifting it abruptly and clearing the way sending him flying around the seat before he righted himself again.  Jesse suddenly stopped once he felt far enough away from immediate danger, and quickly glanced around, breathing heavily and looking wide eyed Jesse scanned the area and realised it had been a single lone gun man.  The prone man was still down on the deck at the other end of the ally. </p>
<p>Jesse then noticed movement and saw that Mike had appeared and was checking on gunman, the fallen man looked dead Jesse considered but seeing Mike was there and there was no further threat Jesse collapsed against the steering wheel, his body shaking as the situation caught up with him suddenly.</p>
<p>He reached for the door but it wouldn’t open, damaged in the collision with the wall, but he had an immediate need to get out of the car that overwhelmed Jesse, he considered climbing through the remains of the broken windscreen but winced as he immediately caught his hand on some glass when he put his hand down on his seat to move, and common sense kicked in, instead he crawled across to the easier exit on the passenger side and fell out of the car onto the hard road surface with a groan.</p>
<p>Dazed and confused, Jesse stumbled to his feet and tried to walk, falling back down before trying again, moving away from the car.  Flashes of what had just happened jarred his memory, and he decided to just not try and get up the next time he fell to the ground.  Soon enough he found himself lying on the ground, breathing heavily, he just stared at the stars above losing himself to their beauty.</p>
<p>Mike had finally reached the wreck of his car, he surveyed the damage and was expecting to see Jesse inside.  He checked the front and back and his concern immediately grew on seeing blood on the door frame, the broken windscreen and then more blood on the steering wheel but no Jesse in sight.</p>
<p>‘Jesse!’ Mike yelled loudly, looking around for any sign of the kid.  He had seen Jesse in the car before he tended to his men who was down, already calling a team of medics to the scene to assist him but now he feared there would be another patient, he needed to locate him quickly his gut was screaming.</p>
<p>Mike hurried around the car and saw a figure simply lying on his back, not moving as he hurried over.  ‘Damn it, kid,’ Mike said under his breath, but was heartened to hear the kid groan.</p>
<p>‘Jesse,’ Mike spoke with concern.</p>
<p>‘Mike,’ Jesse seemed confused.</p>
<p>Mike took the flashlight, reducing the intensity and shone it enough to put some light on Jesse. ‘Stay still for the minute, kid, let me see the damage.’</p>
<p>‘I’m ok,’ Jesse insisted and tried to move despite Mike encouraging him not to.</p>
<p>‘If you were ok, kid, you would have stayed in the car, not tried to go walkabout,’ Mike scolded and Jesse relented, lying back to allow Mike the time he wanted.</p>
<p>‘Head hurts,’ Jesse helpfully pointed out.</p>
<p>‘You have quite a bump on your forehead, some bleeding,’ Mike observed.  ‘Shouldn’t need stitches but should be checked out when the medics arrive.’</p>
<p>‘Is he dead?’ Jesse then asked.</p>
<p>‘No,’ Mike immediately answered.  ‘I’ve restrained him, my men are on their way to pick him up, so don’t worry.’</p>
<p>‘Was he after the money?’ Jesse asked.</p>
<p>‘Yeah,’ Mike simply answered.</p>
<p>‘Did I do good?’ Jesse followed it up.</p>
<p>‘You did great, kid,’ Mike said with a hint of pride.  ‘Until you nearly gave me a heart attack, but I’ll let you off this once,’ he smiled, and Jesse smirked.  ‘Any neck or back pain?’ Mike then asked and Jesse shook his head. ‘Can you sit up?’</p>
<p>‘Yeah,’ Jesse said and with Mike’s help he sat up.</p>
<p>‘In the wars again, eh?’ Mike remarked and got to his feet, assisting Jesse in doing the same.  ‘Everything good, no pain, dizziness?’ Mike checked once again.</p>
<p>‘Sore,’ Jesse admitted. ‘No real pain,’ he stated before seeing the nasty cut on his hand.</p>
<p>‘Ok, you might be tanked up on adrenalin so just be aware, you might have a concussion but right now let’s go sit on that kerb,’ Mike stated.</p>
<p>They reached the curb and settled down but all too soon Jesse was fidgeting, so Mike produced a packet of cigarettes and a lighter for Jesse.</p>
<p>‘Sweet,’ Jesse beamed and immediately set about lighting up.</p>
<p>‘I took them from that guy you almost killed, figured he won’t be needing them for a while,’ Mike commented.</p>
<p>Jesse savoured the smoke for a moment then closed his eyes, resting his head on one of his hands. Mike observed the kid and then got to his feet, walked to his wrecked car and retrieved Jesse’s hoodie, before walking back, he proceeded to wrap it around the kid’s shoulders.</p>
<p>‘Thanks,’ Jesse offered, feeling the cold now as he wrapped himself up more in the hoodie, enjoying the smoke. ‘Is he badly hurt?’ he asked softly, glancing down the alleyway at the fallen figure, before finishing his cigarette.</p>
<p>‘He’ll live,’ Mike simply said, and on cue a couple of dark SUV’s arrived, one went down the alley to deal with the fallen man and the other stopped by Mike’s car.  ‘Medic needed over here, please,’ Mike called out and a couple of guys came over and knelt in front of Jesse.</p>
<p>Mike watched as they asked Jesse the standard questions, testing his reactions and responses and Mike was pleased to see he was a lot more aware and with it now, easily satisfying the medics who began to patch up his various cuts and bruises he’d acquired.</p>
<p>‘Do you have anyone to stay with you tonight, just to keep an eye on you?’ the medic asked Jesse.</p>
<p>‘I’ll keep an eye on him,’ Mike responded before Jesse could answer.</p>
<p>‘Good, well I’ll give you some painkillers but otherwise I think you’re free to go,’ the medic said. ‘If you feel any dizziness or blurred vision go straight to a hospital, ok?’</p>
<p>‘Yeah,’ Jesse answered.</p>
<p>Mike stood up. ‘I need you and you to move the contents of the trunk into your vehicle, then give me the keys,’ Mike ordered.  ‘I’ll take your vehicle and you two arrange pick up of my vehicle to go to the shop first thing to get fixed, is that clear?’</p>
<p>The men indicated they understood, before Mike told the medic to go and get a lift with the other vehicle.  Jesse couldn’t help the smirk seeing Mike totally own the muscle men, it really was impressive the respect they held for him, he considered before climbing into the passenger seat of the SUV, as Mike waited for the contents of his car to be moved over.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Del splashed water on his face, it was early, and he’d just finished a short run around the neighborhood, already relishing the newfound freedom.  He had been thinking about his future, what he would do with the substantial share of money he had at his disposal, but he knew it would all depend on one Jesse Pinkman.</p>
<p>Worst case would be Jesse hating him, and pressing charges or going to the media, bringing down shit on his old company but hopefully he had done enough to protect that legacy, Jesse’s anger would be at him, not his old company so he would ensue he took the fall, nothing else.  He was more than willing to lose every single friend if it meant he had at least had the chance to resolve things. He wasn’t a bad man, he kept telling himself, it would be fine.</p>
<p>Best case would be simply Jesse giving him the chance to explain, to talk, just giving him time to help Jesse remember and understand, and everything would be ok.  Del remembered back to those days, they had been so much fun, the go-karting, the computer games, introducing Jesse to the concept of being loved.  He saw his stupid fixed grin in the mirror and realised what Franko had been talking about.</p>
<p>He splashed more water on his face, depending on how things went, Del was confident he’d be ok no matter what, he’d worked all his life and now it was time to see where life took him now.</p>
<hr/>
<p>‘What do you mean he’s not coming in today, is everything ok?’ Walt asked on the other end of the phone.  ‘And why are you telling me, Mike, where’s Jesse?’</p>
<p>‘He’s sleeping,’ Mike stated.</p>
<p>‘Sleeping? You’re at his house?’ Walt checked.  ‘Just tell me what’s going on, why are you babysitting him again, what happened yesterday?’</p>
<p>Mike rolled his eyes and held the phone away from his ear for a moment before returning to the call with a heavy sigh. ‘There was an incident yesterday, I’m still investigating, Jesse got caught up in it, but he prevented the theft.’</p>
<p>‘What happened?’ Walter asked intrigued.</p>
<p>‘Someone tried to jack my car, Jesse had his wits about him and stopped him,’ Mike recounted.</p>
<p>‘Where were you when this went down?’</p>
<p>‘Busy, elsewhere,’ Mike offered.</p>
<p>‘Is Jesse ok?’ Walt asked.</p>
<p>‘He took a knock to the head, hence why he is resting now,’ Mike stated and could sense the anger from Walt to the news.</p>
<p>‘This has to stop, Gus has got to stop using Jesse like this,’ Walt seethed.</p>
<p>‘Like what?’</p>
<p>‘Oh, come on, Mike, you must know this whole thing with Jesse being with you yesterday is yet another ploy by Gus to get Jesse onside with him, building the kid up,’ Walt stressed. ‘How badly does Jesse have to get hurt before you do something about this? Jesse is not like you, so stop making out that he could be.’</p>
<p>Mike didn’t respond immediately, mainly because he agreed with Walt and didn’t want to admit it. Both Jesse and Walt were awake to Gus’s plan to split them up, and it was getting harder for him to defend those plans, however he was still loyal to Gus. ‘You’re letting your imagination run riot again, Walter,’ Mike simply replied as a deflection.</p>
<p>‘Really? That’s going to be your stance?’ Walt argued. ‘Jesse is back to just being a little shit, is that it?  Everything that happens to him now is of his own making, absolutely nothing to do with you or Gus?’</p>
<p>‘The other guy came off a lot worse than Jesse last night,’ Mike attempted to counter. ‘How about giving the little shit some credit for dealing with the situation and stopping the attempt to take a full day’s takings?’</p>
<p>‘If that’s what happened then I would be the first to praise Jesse,’ Walt spoke slowly. ‘But really, first day on the job and you say all the takings, so that’s what? The last pick-up? Is that it?  How convenient, how could I possibly think Gus was simply testing the boy based on that flimsy evidence?’ Walt mocked.</p>
<p>‘Cut the sarcasm, Walt,’ Mike warned, not liking Walt’s tone.</p>
<p>‘I’m coming over,’ Walt decided. ‘And if you can tell me to my face, look me in the eyes and tell me this was a legitimate incident and Jesse accidently got hurt, then, and only then will I believe you.’</p>
<p>Mike looked at his phone as Walt cut the call and frowned, then raised his eyebrows when there was a knock at the door.  Wondering for a moment if it was Walt, had he only been outside when he called? Mike looked out the window and couldn’t hide his surprise.  He moved to the door and opened it wide, gesturing for Gustavo Fring to walk inside.</p>
<p>‘How is Jesse?’ Gus asked.</p>
<p>‘The little stunt last night worked but at a cost, why the hell was a real gun fired?’ Mike asked but Gus simply stared at him with an intention of answering. ‘The kid still needs time to recover and I should warn you that Walter White is on his way over.’</p>
<p>‘I need to speak to Jesse, alone,’ Gus simply said.</p>
<p>‘Up the stairs, far bedroom on the left,’ Mike gestured.</p>
<p>‘Make sure Walter stays down here until I’m done talking to Jesse,’ Gus simply said causing Mike to frown as he watched Gus proceed towards the stairs, but he said nothing.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Jesse heard the light knocking on his bedroom door and called for whoever to come in, he wearily sat up in his bed and froze when he saw Gustavo Fring walk in.</p>
<p>‘Oh, hi, am I in trouble?’ he simply stammered.</p>
<p>‘Don’t worry, please, I would just like to have a talk with you,’ Gus stated and stood at the foot of the bed. ‘I heard about your heroics last night, I’m impressed, I’ve seen a very different Jesse Pinkman these past few weeks.’</p>
<p>Jesse shrugged at the praise. ‘Just acted on instinct I guess.’</p>
<p>‘You have a nasty bruise on your forehead, I hope that heals quickly,’ Gus offered.</p>
<p>‘Just another to add to the collection,’ Jesse frowned.</p>
<p>‘Jesse, I want to help you, I have learnt about your troubled past with Del Burley,’ Gus stated.</p>
<p>‘What do you mean?’ Jesse narrowed his eyes unsure where this was going.</p>
<p>Gus looked to be working hard on making sure he was remaining passive and sincere. ‘I understand that you have suffered a type of Amnesia, that has enabled you to in large parts forget or selectively remember aspects of your past that include Del Burley.’</p>
<p>‘How do you know any of this?’ Jesse asked, a little unnerved.</p>
<p>‘I know you were attacked, badly, and it was during that attack that you experienced a mental breakdown that you were almost lost to,’ Gus said with care.</p>
<p>Jesse considered Gus’s words, and those words made sense of the confusion in his mind about what he’d been seeing, it was all still jumbled up but the memories were slowly becoming clearer but still made little sense without the context that it seemed Gus was now providing.</p>
<p>‘Del Burley didn’t attack me,’ Jesse offered, but sounded unsure.</p>
<p>‘No, the man you described in early notes before your memory of the attack completely faded didn’t match descriptions of Del or Franko, another party did the damage but I can’t tell you why,’ Gus revealed.</p>
<p>‘Before I went to Mexico I started to remember bits, enough that I knew Del had abused me, but I had no reference point, it felt like maybe it was a daydream or some shit,’ Jesse remembered. ‘When I mentioned it to Franko he freaked out, and then it’s all hazy, he started dosing me up on Ketamine or something,’ Jesse rubbed his face. ‘Then just a couple nights ago those same memories and more just flooded back, I don’t understand most of it but I see flashes of Del and me, and well, you probably know more than I do,’ Jesse sighed.</p>
<p>Gus moved a little closer.  ‘Jesse, we were not supposed to survive Mexico, Franko specifically asked me to kill you as part of the cull, but their interest in you peaked my own interest and that’s how I made the discovery about Del and your younger self,’ Gus explained in hushed tones. ‘It sickens me that you experienced that Jesse, I come from a place where injustices were common place, I saw sickening acts against fellow countrymen and cannot tolerate any man who uses their own will upon younger more impressionable minds, Del Burley needs to face justice for what he did to you.’</p>
<p>Jesse just offered a small smirk. ‘No one will believe me against someone like Del Burley, hell I don’t even believe what I see.’</p>
<p>‘I have the medical reports from the time, Del Burley used his influence to ensure no one but trusted medical professions in his employ saw them,’ Gus stated.</p>
<p>‘Mr White said my high school had some black out about even mentioning it,’ Jesse remembered and seemed shocked at how he’d been involved in something that had been covered up so well.</p>
<p>‘So, Walter White knows about your past?’ Gus checked.</p>
<p>‘Not exactly, I called him when the memories came back, he knows Del abused me as a kid, he found out only very recently from someone at the school that I’d been attacked,’ Jesse shrugged. ‘But he doesn’t know any more detail than that, sounds like you know way more than anyone.’</p>
<p>‘How does it make you feel?’</p>
<p>‘To know I was abused as a kid?’ Jesse wanted to shrug again but knew Gus wanted more. ‘I’m confused, it doesn’t feel real, I know it happened, I remember stuff but I’m struggling to see myself as a victim,’ Jesse admitted. ‘But then I don’t understand why it happened, why my parents let it happen,’ Jesse sighed. ‘They sold me to Del Burley, to pay for Jake’s education.’</p>
<p>‘I did not know that part,’ Gus looked genuinely sickened. ‘We have to bring Del Burley to justice, Jesse, I will pay whatever it costs, we have to do this because just today the landscape changed, I fear Del Burley plans to disappear, but may tidy up loose ends before he does, he will know by now that you survived Mexico and Jesse, you are a loose end to him.’</p>
<p>‘Why now, what’s changed?’ Jesse asked and Gus took out his phone and after a few moments showed Jesse a website.</p>
<p>Jesse took the phone unsure and read the news out loud. ‘Del Burley steps down with immediate effect, ushering in a new era for Burley Associates with his right-hand man taking hold of the reigns.’</p>
<p>‘Seems Del Burley has cut all ties with the company he built up, has resigned all his positions on various committees and effectively dropped off the radar, he’s become a ghost almost overnight and he’s used his influence to ensure the media do not follow his story, only follows Franko’s rise to power,’ Gus stated.</p>
<p>‘OK and you think this is because of me?’ Jesse said with clear amusement, it sounds ludicrous.</p>
<p>‘You are a threat to him, Jesse, all we have to do is talk to any keen journalist about what happened to you as a teen, show them the evidence, the medical files and Burley is finished,’ Gus stated. ‘Admittedly it would have been better had he not dropped off the radar, but people will not forget him or who he was that quickly,’ Gus figured.</p>
<p>‘I don’t know,’ Jesse seemed troubled, as he rubbed his face.</p>
<p>‘Jesse, I can’t imagine what you must be feeling right now, to have those memories come back so soon after what I’m assuming Don Eladio did to you before I found you,’ Gus said with concern. ‘I want you to know that I had my own reasons for wanting Don Eladio dead, but after finding you like I did there was no power on this Earth that could have stopped me killing that monster and same goes for Del Burley, although I think it would kill him more to go through the authorities.’</p>
<p>‘It wasn’t just Don Eladio, the guy in charge of production had a piece of me too,’ Jesse frowned.</p>
<p>‘Carlos?’ Gus checked and saw Jesse nod his head.</p>
<p>‘And some guy I forget his name, had a family, tricked me into looking after him,’ Jesse sneered but still felt pangs of guilt, the guy had a family and he’d killed him.</p>
<p>‘I am so sorry I never got you out of there sooner,’ Gus stated.</p>
<p>‘What do you care? You win, you now have a second cook, a replacement for Mr White, you got what you wanted from the deal as well as killing all those guys,’ Jesse stated coldly. ‘Look I appreciate your concern but with all due respect and shit, I don’t want my legacy to be that loser kid who let men fuck him against his will, ok? So no, I don’t want to drag this through any courts, yo, I just want to forget and keep living. I just want things to go back to how they were, I’m tired, man.’</p>
<p>‘Ok, Jesse, I get where that comes from,’ Gus reasoned. ‘I want to give you time to think about it, and I give you my promise, right now, that I will not kill Walter White, the two of you can remain as my cooks and the moment you both want out, all I would ask is that you train another, and you’ll both be free to go.’</p>
<p>Jesse looked at Gus, a little unsure. ‘Seriously? At the end of our contract, you’d just let us go.’</p>
<p>‘So long as you have trained another to suitable standards,’ Gus agreed.</p>
<p>‘Ok,’ Jesse considered. ‘I will think about it, but seriously yo, you need to find a way to keep my name out of the courts,’ Jesse requested.</p>
<p>‘I will see what the options are, should you decide to proceed,’ Gus agreed.</p>
<p>They both heard footsteps coming up the stairs and in moments the door opened after the briefest of knocks.</p>
<p>‘Mr White,’ Jesse offered.</p>
<p>‘Jesse,’ Walter White flustered and then stared at Gus. ‘Gustavo, in Jesse’s bedroom?’</p>
<p>‘We needed to talk, time was of the essence,’ Gus stated calmly.</p>
<p>‘Really, it couldn’t wait until Jesse was out of his own bed?’ Walter questioned.</p>
<p>‘Yo, Mr White, calm the fuck down, Jesus, I’m supposed to be resting, yo,’ Jesse snapped, rubbing his head.</p>
<p>‘I’m sorry, Jesse, of course, your head, I did hear,’ Walt offered calming down.</p>
<p>‘There’s been developments with Del Burley, and I needed to share this information with Jesse,’ Gus explained. ‘I feel things are far from over, and we have an opportunity to strike but I needed to know Jesse’s feelings on the matter as they concern him.’</p>
<p>‘His returning memories, you mean?’ Walt guessed.</p>
<p>‘Del Burley quit his company, it was announced first thing this morning,’ Gus revealed to Walt.  ‘We can assume he’s trying to disappear.’</p>
<p>‘Good riddance,’ Jesse sniped.</p>
<p>‘Jesse, you can’t let him get away with what he did,’ Walt considered.</p>
<p>‘My thoughts exactly,’ Gus stated.</p>
<p>Jesse rolled his eyes. ‘Great the moment you two begin to agree on something of course it’ll be at my expense,’ he frowned.  ‘Look, it’s ancient history, it happened, and nothing can change that, yo, I’m not interested in dragging up the past ok?’</p>
<p>‘So, Del Burley disappearing from public life to go who knows where, knowing that he preyed on you as a fifteen-year old, that doesn’t concern you?  What he might do, and who with?’ Gus asked.</p>
<p>Jesse closed his eyes, of course he didn’t want some other poor kid having to deal with that, fuck he’d pretty much allowed Franko to almost kill him if it meant Jake was saved from the pervert son. ‘Ok, I get it, and no of course I don’t want that,’ Jesse snapped. ‘But I need time, and don’t tell me I don’t have time, just give me a day or so to get my head together, maybe see that doctor?’</p>
<p>‘That sounds a plan, Jesse, and remember what I said, I mean it, you don’t have to worry,’ Gus stated and then left the room.</p>
<p>‘What don’t you have to worry about?’ Walt asked, once Gus was out of ear shot and back downstairs.</p>
<p>Jesse sighed loudly. ‘He’s not going to kill us, I’ve earned us a bye,’ Jesse revealed.</p>
<p>‘Seriously?’ Walt asked.</p>
<p>‘Yeah, seems he’s pissed with the cards life dealt me as a kid and I think he’s a little guilty about my captivity ordeals,’ Jesse half smiled.</p>
<p>‘Wow, ok, and that includes me too? On this agreement?’ Walt checked.</p>
<p>‘Yeah, said so long as we train up another cook before we decide to leave then he’ll let us go,’ Jesse recalled.</p>
<p>‘Another cook,’ Walt seemed to already be mentally making plans on how they would find a suitable candidate.</p>
<p>‘He thinks Del Burley has done this because I didn’t die in Mexico,’ Jesse then spoke, unsure of his own words.</p>
<p>‘Jesse,’ Walt moved closer and sat on the edge of Jesse’s bed. ‘What that man did to you when you were younger, how he groomed you and paid your parents, surely you realise if that got out he’d be finished, the rest of his life would be behind bars, and they wouldn’t go easy on him inside,’ Walt reasoned.  ‘Why don’t you see this?’</p>
<p>Jesse shrugged.  ‘The memories I remember, what I see and how it felt, I seemed to enjoy it, I had fun with Del, I think,’ Jesse admitted.</p>
<p>‘You were just a kid,’ Walt returned.</p>
<p>‘I knew what I was doing, Mr White, I was just months off being legal age, but it wasn’t just sex, it was fun, we did stuff, go-karts, computer games, shopping,’ Jesse explained, but it was clear he was conflicted. ‘I think I liked Del, a lot,’ he stated.</p>
<p>‘Because he groomed you to think that way, Jesse, plied you with gifts, blinded you with things that made you feel special, right?’ Walt said carefully.</p>
<p>‘He never hurt me, never asked anything of me, at least not that I remember,’ Jesse offered.</p>
<p>‘But something happened, something bad, you were badly attacked, assaulted,’ Walt reminded him.</p>
<p>‘Not by Del, maybe Franko, or he was the one who took me away from Del,’ Jesse seemed to be remembering as he spoke. ‘He knocked Del out I think, then took me away from Del, someplace else and that’s when I got hurt, real bad.’</p>
<p>‘Jesse, Del Burley wronged you, don’t ever lose sight of that fact,’ Walt stated, and when Jesse didn’t respond he got to his feet. ‘I’m going to go and see Mike, ask him some questions about that bump on your head.’</p>
<p>‘I’ll be down soon,’ Jesse simply said.</p>
<p>Walter proceeded down the stairs.</p>
<p>‘Has Gus gone?’ Walt asked on seeing Mike sat on the futon in Jesse’s living room.</p>
<p>‘About five minutes ago, how’s Jesse?’ Mike asked.</p>
<p>‘Confused, as ever, but ok,’ Walt admitted.  ‘Says he will be down soon. So, tell me, what happened to his head last night?’</p>
<p>Mike rolled his eyes and proceeded to tell Walter White the condensed version of what had happened the previous day.</p>
<hr/>
<p>Across the street from Jesse’s house, Del Burley sat in his rental car and simply observed the strange comings and goings he had seen so far.  He had spotted the old man, Mike, answering the door, and was shocked to see Gustavo Fring paying a visit.  Another older man, whom he didn’t recognise, then arrived and he began to wonder why only old men visited Jesse, and he stopped his mind dwelling on that point too much.</p>
<p>He had yet to see Jesse, but figured the kid was probably busy with so many visitors that early in the morning.  Again, he had to stop his mind visiting the gutter and quashing the rise of jealously that erupted inside him.  This was all perfectly innocent, he was sure, but still he had hoped Jesse might be home alone so he could just cut to the chase but seemed he’d have to play this the hard way.</p>
<p>Starting up the engine, Del pulled away, it was time to visit the shrink and formulate another way to see Jesse Pinkman, hopefully without his old man entourage.</p>
<hr/>
<p>‘I heard you had quite an eventful evening,’ Walt spoke up after they gave the kid some space to get settled after coming down from his room.  Jesse just shrugged, continuing to eat his cereal sat on the futon.  ‘It’s good to see you eating normal food,’ Walt then added.</p>
<p>‘I’m starving,’ Jesse said eagerly.  ‘I think that last bout of sickness yesterday just set things off the other way,’ he stated.</p>
<p>‘You were sick as well yesterday?’ Walt turned to Mike, sitting the other end of the futon who just nodded in agreement.</p>
<p>‘Look, Walt, if you have nothing better to do today can I leave you with Jesse for a couple of hours? I have a couple of errands I really need to run, and he needs an eye on him until this evening with that knocked about head of his,’ Mike asked.</p>
<p>‘Sure,’ Walt agreed.</p>
<p>‘My head is fine, quit the fussing,’ Jesse remarked, finishing his bowl of cereal, and placing it on the floor by his feet.</p>
<p>‘Don’t let him out of your sight,’ Mike stated to Walt with a knowing look that Walt shared, and they both looked at Jesse to indicate he was going to stay being watched.</p>
<p>Walt waited until Mike left the house before sitting next to Jesse on the futon.  ‘You sure you’re fine? You do tend to say that when you’re anything but fine.’</p>
<p>‘So, you did notice stuff, just never acted on it before, huh?’ Jesse remarked, sitting back into almost a slouched position.  Walt didn’t respond and just stared back at Jesse, waiting for a reply. ‘Just tired, hungry and sore,’ Jesse finally replied.</p>
<p>‘Do you have much food in? Can I cook you anything if you’re still hungry?’</p>
<p>‘No, I’m good, Mr White,’ Jesse moved his head to face the older man. ‘Still need to be careful with how much I eat I think, and I still have those bars I need to get through.’</p>
<p>‘So, was yesterday ok with Mike?’ Walt asked.</p>
<p>‘I slept for most of it, got real sick after the first drop, then slept in the back of the car,’ Jesse recounted.</p>
<p>‘How exactly did you get the bump on your head?’ Walt questioned, he moved a bit closer to check it out for himself, using his hand to move Jesse’s chin so he could see it properly and Jesse did not stop him.</p>
<p>‘Some guy with a gun was going to steal the takings from the day, I basically drove the car to stop him but slammed it into a wall like an idiot, my head hit the steering wheel,’ Jesse remembered. ‘Then I think I got out the car and fell down something, little fuzzy on that but Mike found me.’</p>
<p>‘That’s going to be a nasty bruise when the swelling goes down,’ Walt stated, he was closer than Jesse was prepared for.</p>
<p>‘Can you stop gawping at me, yo,’ Jesse then requested awkwardly, lightly pushing Walt away from him, the close proximity had filled his mind with memories Jesse had tried to suppress and he felt a strange reaction down below that was not welcomed in that moment.</p>
<p>‘Sorry,’ Walt moved back.  ‘Your phonecall the other night, do you want to talk about it?’ Walt asked with a cautious air.</p>
<p>Jesse shrugged, he looked a little at odds.  ‘Still a bit jumbled, but not as disconnected as they were previously, they don’t feel like they didn’t happen,’ Jesse attempted to explain. ‘It’s like I actually do remember stuff now, in small doses, but it’s still not a full or clear picture.’</p>
<p>‘What do you remember, for sure?’ Walt asked.</p>
<p>Jesse put his hand to his head, rest his arm on the side of the futon. ‘I remember coming home from school one day and my dad introducing me to Del as a friend,’ Jesse began. ‘Things were pretty bad at home, so it was strange because my dad was being nice and normal, well if normal is introducing your 15 year-old son to an older man,’ Jesse stressed.</p>
<p>‘Do you remember why things were bad at home?’ Walt ventured, hoping he could trigger more sense into what Jesse was seeing if he focused him a bit more on details.</p>
<p>‘Something had happened, I can’t remember when in time before that, but I know when Del was first at my house I was already on a strict curfew,’ Jesse began, his eyes narrowed as he remembered. ‘I remember that because I’d just been in a fight, I thought I was late so was panicking that dad would kill me but instead he was there with Del.’</p>
<p>‘Why had you been in a fight?’</p>
<p>Jesse sat forward, putting his head in his hands now, trying to focus and appreciating Mr White helping him. ‘I’d been minding my own business, I had a set amount of time that I was allowed to get from school to home and I was running late because you,’ Jesse suddenly looked at Mr White. ‘You had held me back after class, I dunno, to talk about grades or something.’</p>
<p>‘So, I’d inadvertently risked you being late home, why didn’t you say something at the time?’ Walt asked with concern.</p>
<p>‘Because you were like my teacher, and I didn’t think I could just say ‘sorry can’t stay back tonight’, you’d have given me that teacher look you always gave me,’ Jesse returned.</p>
<p>Walter had to concede he was probably right. ‘Fair point, so how did that turn into you getting into a fight?’</p>
<p>‘I was just rushing home and this kid, he was a year above I think I can’t remember he just wanted to mess with me, be the big man in front of his friends, it happened a lot,’ Jesse dismissed but Walt had no idea Jesse had been bullied in this way.  Jesse then paused, he seemed distant for a moment.</p>
<p>‘Jesse?’ Walt prompted.</p>
<p>‘Sorry, I just remembered more from that day, erm,’ Jesse seemed a little flustered suddenly.  ‘Actually, can we just stop for a moment?’ he asked.</p>
<p>‘Jesse, what is it? What do you remember?’ Walt asked with concern.</p>
<p>‘Just some people I forgot,’ Jesse seemed upset suddenly, as he rubbed his face, sitting back in the futon again looking upwards.</p>
<p>‘How about I get you some water and one of your bars?’ Walt suggested, sensing Jesse needed some time.</p>
<p>‘Thanks,’ Jesse agreed, and Walt hurried to the kitchen to retrieve the items.</p>
<p>Jesse felt his emotions rising, as he remembered forgotten friends, good people but how had he forgotten them?  He could hear Mr White in the kitchen and felt bad for a few seconds as he pushed himself up, grabbing his hoody with his car keys and leaving the house.</p>
<p>Walter made it to the front door in time to watch as Jesse drove away, unsure where he was going.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I just realised in the writing of this - during this exact chapter I have 2 completely different varients of this story that I went on to abandon, but it was always at this chapter/point that I picked it up again (and to clairfy this is certainly the strongest of the 3 that exist) - one varient carries on from the moment Walter White is examining Jesse's bump, and another from the moment Jesse leaves the car after the test... wierd how that works, just thought I'd share that.</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0003"><h2>3. In need of love</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jesse returns to an important place in his past, and rediscovers something very special to him</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jesse pulled up outside a house a few streets from his own, he parked the car and took a moment to stare at the building before he got out.  With some hesitation he approached the gate and just stared at steps beyond it, a brief smile on his face as he did so.  He had just been a kid, but this porch brought back sudden memories of him becoming a man, and glancing around Jesse was finding it hard to believe that this unassuming bit of real estate represented such a key moment in his young life.</p><p>He wasn’t aware how long he had just been stood there staring at the front of the house, memories of a key point in his life that had been long forgotten, it was almost overwhelming him, cascading memories as he started to remember so much more about those weeks that seemingly changed his life.  It all seemed to make sense now, remembering them as they happened, and the why, just being in that space seemed to be enough to trigger the context of those events. </p><p>‘You have got to be fucking kidding me.’</p><p>Jesse spun around and he almost stopped breathing, the lady he saw was older but un-mistakenly the same lady who was now prominent in his thoughts. ‘Julie?’</p><p>‘Wow, the Cap has a good memory,’ Julie smiled sweetly, she seemed genuinely happy to see him.</p><p>‘Not really,’ Jesse admitted.  ‘I’m only here because I’ve only just remembered,’ he gestured to the stoop.</p><p>‘Holy crap, kid, seriously, you forgot?’ Julie said with mock surprise. </p><p>‘Stuff happened, bad stuff,’ Jesse shrugged and then looked at her again. ‘You are real right, it’s really you here?  Because I mean, what are the chances?’</p><p>‘Relax, Cap, the chances are pretty large, I own this house now,’ Julie smiled.</p><p>‘Whoa, ok,’ Jesse looked back at the property and for the first time realised it no longer looked abandoned.</p><p>‘It held too many memories for me not to put a bid in when, well when things took a turn for the better for me,’ Julie smiled.  ‘I just finished my shift at the bar round the corner, I’m legit now.’</p><p>‘Good, that’s good,’ Jesse offered.</p><p>‘Jesus, you’re still in the wars I see, no wonder you can’t remember stuff, stop getting hit, kid,’ Julie stated as she lightly brushed the side of Jesse’s face, not worried about being too forward.</p><p>Jesse suddenly felt awkward, and unsure.  ‘So are the other still around? I heard about Samson.’</p><p>Julie looked sad suddenly. ‘I miss Sammy so much, he really cared for you, kid,’ Julie smiled warmly, as she sat down on the step and encouraged Jesse to sit with her.  He frowned and then sat next to her. ‘When he found out who you were mixed up with, he became a man with a mission, one that got him killed.’</p><p>‘Wait, what?’ Jesse checked.</p><p>‘Well, me and Jackson thought it was connected, after you told Jackson that you’d been hurt too,’ Julie recounted, and Jesse looked at Julie with pure wonder at how she didn’t look all that different to the Julie he first met ten years before.</p><p>Jesse then closed his eyes, he now remembered briefly catching up with Jackson after his accident, he’d dragged Badger along with him to this stoop in search of drugs, but instead he found out Samson was dead.  Jackson had downplayed any connection at the time, but maybe he was just protecting him, these guys seemed to do that in the short time he knew them.</p><p>‘You really forgot us?’ Julie then broke his thoughts, she had brought her arm around him, idly stroking his face and his buzz cut.  ‘I heard they hurt you really bad, and it was a shame you became a stranger, we could have had lots more fun.’</p><p>Jesse smirked at that, and glanced at Julie, she looked as good now as she had then, and he found himself blushing.  ‘I can’t believe I forgot, that,’ Jesse frowned.  ‘I mean, I didn’t entirely, just the details till literally just now.  I knew I’d lost my virginity to an amazing lady, I remember it was outside and the same night I tried dope for the first time, I remember being amongst friends but not much else,’ Jesse rubbed his face.  ‘But I remember everything now,’ Jesse admitted but couldn’t look at Julie as he did so.</p><p>‘Well that’s ok then,’ Julie smiled, and grabbed Jesse’s chin so he looked at her. ‘I remember the sweetest young guy, who I later found out lied about his age,’ she said accusingly, but smiled as she continued. ‘But I couldn’t stay mad at you, my poor boy, and then how I never saw you again, till now, except you’re now you’re the sweetest young man.’</p><p>Jesse wanted to pull away when he felt Julie edge closer, but the sudden pull of nostalgia was keeping him in her hands. ‘I don’t have any cash on me, right now,’ Jesse felt the need to say.</p><p>‘You didn’t need cash the last time,’ Julie teased.  ‘I bet you’re a little more experienced now too, yeah?’</p><p>‘Just a bit yeah,’ Jesse blushed but he was enjoying the tease, something about the steps was making things even more heightened, and it was a big change on pace after weeks of abuse.</p><p>‘Do you want to come in?’</p><p>‘I think so,’ Jesse indicated.</p><p>‘Let’s go someplace a bit more private this time,’ Julie purred, and Jesse found that he needed no further invitation as he quickly got to his feet and watched as Julie got her keys and opened the door, not realising how much he had needed this.</p><p>Julie pinned Jesse playfully to the hallway wall and kissed him with passion, before they stumbled up the stairs to the front bedroom, where Jesse suddenly felt unsure and finding the room furnishings interesting whilst Julie sat on the bed.</p><p>‘I don’t mess about anymore, you need to wear one of these, kid.’ Jesse took the condom, and the reality was hitting him.  ‘Come on, don’t be shy now, I know this is just a cute act,’ Julie patted the bed next to her. ‘You know you owe me, Jesse, Wendy kept telling me she was having some fun with you, I was pissed you kept evading me somehow.’</p><p>Jesse finally sat down next to Julie.  ‘I haven’t seen Wendy in forever,’ he clocked.  ‘Sorry, just had a fair bit happen to me lately, you might have to bear with me,’ Jesse admitted and then shirked away when Julie attempted to put her hand on his shoulder, she recoiled with concern. ‘Sorry,’ Jesse immediately offered. ‘I didn’t mean to do that.’</p><p>‘It’s ok, baby,’ Julie offered sweetly.  ‘Hey, if you don’t think you can do this that’s cool, I know I can seem pushy, blame the old job, but I’m really so pleased to see you again after so long,’ Julie stressed. ‘It means the world to me to see you’ve survived because I feared the worst when you seemed to drop off the radar a few months back.’</p><p>‘You knew me for one night, for an hour or so,’ Jesse smirked.</p><p>‘And clearly I never forgot you,’ Julie returned. ‘You may not have spent that much time with us, but you were discussed plenty of times, and eyes were always on you from afar, the guys were really worried about you after they first met you,’ Julie explained. ‘They sensed things were not right especially when you showed up the night that I first met you with the black eye,’ Julie remembered.  ‘Then they realised your actual age, and Samson was convinced you lived in an abusive home, he wanted to help you, and then once he saw you with that rich guy,’ Julie frowned.</p><p>‘What did he tell you about that?’ Jesse asked curious to know.</p><p>‘Just that the guy had history, had been on Samson’s radar since he first arrived in town because of that,’ Julie shrugged.</p><p>‘He’s back in town,’ Jesse responded.</p><p>‘Shit, really?’ Julie asked.  ‘I mean I’ve heard various things about your fate, last I heard was that you got messed up in some serious drugs before you dropped off the radar completely, Jackson was convinced you must have met your end when he didn’t see you around at the regular spots, he’d been trying to keep an eye on you from a distance, for Samson, once it was clear you didn’t remember him anymore,’ Julie offered.  ‘Jackson’s going to made up when he finds out you’re still living and breathing,’ she beamed. ‘Always saying he had some unfinished business with you,’ she hinted with a sly smile and Jesse smirked knowingly.</p><p>‘I never realised how much I’d forgotten,’ Jesse then sighed, now it was all back it felt like he’d never forgotten and it just felt so strange.</p><p>‘But it’s all come back now?’ Julie asked.</p><p>‘Yeah, just making sense of it all now, hence why I you found me where you did earlier,’ Jesse frowned.</p><p>‘Have we completely killed the mood, or do you still want to?’ Julie asked.</p><p>Jesse held the condom in his hand still, unable to answer, torn for reasons unknown about what he wanted to do.</p><p>‘It will take your mind off things for a bit, maybe?’ Julie edged closer and this time Jesse didn’t shirk away when she put her hand on his arm.</p><p>Jesse leaned into Julie and kissed her, before they slowly leaned back onto the bed as they began to fumble with their clothes and starting to remove them.  Jesse lifted his arms as t-shirt was lifted up and sensed Julie freeze, he opened his eyes and saw her staring.</p><p>‘I’ve been in the wars a bit,’ Jesse offered.</p><p>‘It’s not so much that, baby,’ she spoke quietly and then her hand traced the tattoo of the dragon on Jesse’s chest.</p><p>‘Oh,’ Jesse realised.</p><p>‘It’s beautiful, just like the one Samson had on his arm,’ Julie smiled brightly.</p><p>‘Got it done by the same guy, to remember the guy who I then forgot,’ Jesse frowned.  ‘So many people have asked me about it and I just said it was nothing, just liked the design,’ Jesse realised sadly.</p><p>‘You remember now, that’s all that matters,’ Julie stated, and leaned down to kiss it.  ‘It was a sweet gesture, but my god, who hurt you?’ Julie took in the fading bruises and healing wounds littering his chest and ribs.</p><p>‘It’s a long story,’ Jesse offered, leaning up to kiss Julie, wanting to move swiftly on.  Her hands went to his back and recoiled on touching the abrasions on his back. ‘A very long story,’ Jesse explained.</p><p>‘Is that rich guy involved in that story?’ Julie asked, as Jesse kiss her neck.</p><p>‘Yeah,’ Jesse admitted.</p><p>‘My poor baby, I’ll take care of you,’ Julie simply said. ‘Let me make things a little better for a little while,’ she smiled, pushing Jesse onto his back, and kissing his chest and Jesse was more than happy to be looked after as he closed his eye and enjoyed her sweet torture.</p><hr/><p>Mike walked through the offices, looking very non-descript and unassuming.  Portraying a services engineer he walked into the main office, noting the evidence of a recently removed name plate that had, on his previous visit, said Del Burley’s name.  He swiftly closed the door and moved to the ornament on the shelf closest to the desk.  With no delay, Mike turned the ornament over and retrieved a small device, putting it safely in a box he took from his pocket, before moving to the phone and unclipping a small connector.  Putting that in the box with the other bug, Mike swiftly left the office, with no one questioning him or even noticing his presence, just like the day he’d fitted them a few weeks earlier.</p><p>Back in his car Mike found his laptop and began to listen to the devices, the phone one only offered the confirmation of what Del Burley had said to Hank Shrader, but the recordings of Del Burley speaking to Franko were the most revealing for Mike, and he now realised things were far from over for Jesse when it came to Del Burley.</p><p>He needed more time to study the recordings, so Mike started his car and drove away.</p><hr/><p>Jesse quietly opened the door to his own house with some trepidation, he had been gone three hours and knew Walter White was still there, his disgusting coloured Aztek still parked outside.  He knew he shouldn’t have just left but remembering forgotten friends had been overwhelming and then to see Julie again, a significant piece of his past, and how lovely and warm she had been towards him, yeah, he lost himself and was not going to feel guilty for what he did, and it had been just as amazing the second time.</p><p>Throwing his keys on the table, Jesse shrugged off his hoodie and wondered where Mr White was.  He walked through the living room and up the stairs, glancing into the kitchen before proceeding up the stairs.</p><p>‘Mr White?’ Jesse called out but there was no answer which confused him, he checked the bathroom and his bedroom, before looking in the spare room and was a little amused to see him fast asleep on the bed.</p><p>Jesse grimaced suddenly and his hand went to his stomach, he took a deep breath to ride the feeling of nausea. Closing his eyes he leaned against the door frame until the feeling passed, he needed to eat he figured and turned to go back down the stairs, he nearly made it to the bottom but a sudden attack of dizziness caused him to miss the next step and he lost all coordination as he slid down the remaining stairs, he cried out as his back hit the steps as he slid the rest of the way down.</p><p>Coming to an ungraceful stop at the bottom, Jesse didn’t move and just took the time to take some needed breaths.  The shock and slight pain stunning him for a moment, his head was still swimming a little as he got his bearings.</p><p>‘Jesse?’ Walts voice sounded from the top of the stairs.</p><p>‘I’m ok, Mr White,’ Jesse panted, but when he attempted to move his back shot pains that stopped him.  ‘Ah Jesus,’ Jesse grimaced.</p><p>‘Hang on,’ Walt advised as he came down the stairs and came up alongside Jesse.  ‘Describe the pain.’</p><p>‘It’s those stupid sores on my back,’ Jesse offered. ‘It’ll be ok in a minute, just probably reopened that problem one again.’</p><p>‘Why did you fall?’ Walt asked with concern.</p><p>‘Dizzy spell,’ Jesse motioned.</p><p>‘We should get you checked out at the ER,’ Walt fussed.</p><p>‘My head is fine, it’s because I need to eat, it’s not the bump,’ Jesse returned sharply. </p><p>‘Ok,’ Walt didn’t sound convinced.  ‘Let’s get you back on your feet then, are you ready?’ he asked, and Jesse accepted his help as Mr White took hold of him as he got back to his feet.</p><p>‘You can let go now, Mr White, I’m ok,’ Jesse instructed.</p><p>‘No more dizziness?’ Walt checked.</p><p>‘No,’ Jesse returned but Mr White continued to have a firm hold across his back and a hand on his chest for support.  ‘Seriously, yo, I’m ok.’</p><p>Reluctantly Walter let Jesse go and stayed close as he walked towards the kitchen.  ‘Do you want me to cook something for you?’</p><p>‘Like what?’ Jesse asked looking around the kitchen.</p><p>‘I don’t know, what do you have?’</p><p>‘Day old pizza from last night,’ Jesse offered, looking around.</p><p>‘Jesse,’ Walt admonished as he looked in the fridge and only found beer.  ‘So, what were you planning to eat?’</p><p>‘One of those bars,’ Jesse shrugged and went to the bag that contained them.</p><p>‘You will need to eat more than that, maybe once you’ve had that we can do a food run or something?’ Walt suggested.  ‘Does your back still hurt?’</p><p>Jesse moved his shoulders as he stretched his back a little. ‘Yeah.’</p><p>‘Do you want me to take a look?’</p><p>‘Last time you did that you ended up blowing me,’ Jesse remarked, avoiding the eye roll Walter now aimed at him. ‘I’m ok,’ Jesse then dismissed and took a bar and walked past Walt heading to the living room.</p><p>‘The glass of water and bar I got you earlier are still on the table,’ Walt then stated as he followed Jesse.  ‘Are you going to tell me why you just disappeared?’</p><p>‘Just needed to see something,’ Jesse remarked as he sat down.</p><p>‘To do with what you remembered?’ Walt sat down next to him.</p><p>‘Yeah,’ Jesse simply said with no further explanation.</p><p>‘Sorry I wasn’t awake when you got back,’ Walt offered. ‘How long were you gone, was I asleep for long?’</p><p>Jesse shrugged. ‘I’d just come back, went looking for you then you saw what happened on the stairs,’ Jesse responded. ‘I was out for about three hours.’</p><p>‘Wow, I don’t normally nap for that long,’ Walt revealed. </p><p>Jesse looked at Walt. ‘You should see the doctor, get a check on your cancer,’ Jesse suggested.  ‘You know, just in case.’</p><p>‘Yeah,’ Walt absently agreed and then looked at Jesse. ‘Do you want to talk some more about these memories?’</p><p>‘No,’ Jesse admitted as he started to eat the protein bar.  ‘How’s the car wash?’</p><p>‘Good, yeah, Skyler seems to be relishing the distraction at least, keeps her busy,’ Walt half smiled. ‘I’m supposed to be working a shift later.’</p><p>‘Why a car wash?’ Jesse then asked.</p><p>‘I guess familiar territory,’ Walt half laughed.</p><p>‘How so?’</p><p>‘That’s right, I quit just before we started working together,’ Walt realised. ‘To make ends meet I used to work there, as well as teach at the high school,’ Walt revealed.</p><p>‘Seriously?’ Jesse checked.  ‘I can’t imagine you doing that, not with the money we have now.’</p><p>‘It was a very different world back then,’ Walt considered.</p><p>‘Before you went all crime lord,’ Jesse remarked.</p><p>Walt only smiled sadly at Jesse’s words, but in truth he was just relishing being in Jesse’s company as he remembered just a few days previously when that was all he longed for, he counted his blessings and enjoyed this moment.</p><p>‘You ok?’ Jesse checked, only seeing Walt’s happy but sad expression.</p><p>‘Me, yeah,’ Walt smiled more genuinely now.  ‘Just, this is nice, isn’t it?’</p><p>Jesse couldn’t hide his confused expression.  ‘What is?’</p><p>‘This, just us two, hanging out, no worries or fears or risk of impending death hanging over us, for once,’ Walt stressed.</p><p>‘It’s kind of boring, I can put the TV on maybe?’ Jesse suggested.</p><p>‘No, no, this is nice, Jesse, this,’ Walt gestured.</p><p>Jesse just stared at Walt, clearly not getting it.  In truth he was still getting use to the more considerate gentler version of Mr White, one not paranoid or hell bent on killing someone or making more money.  Jesse then smirked at the thought of missing Heisenberg, and his crazy world.</p><p>‘What?’ Walt now looked confused but amused by the sudden smirk Jesse wore.</p><p>‘Sorry, just this is so weird,’ Jesse explained.  ‘I’m not use to you being this calm and considerate, yo, I don’t know what to say or do.  We bicker, Mr White, that’s what is normal but you’re being all kind and shit, it’s weird.’</p><p>‘I can just as easily sit here and insult you if you prefer?’ Walt asked. ‘I mean I wasn’t going to mention the hair, but what is that about, Jesse?’</p><p>‘What? What’s wrong with it?’ Jesse returned he brushed a hand over the buzz cut.</p><p>‘You look like a punk,’ Walt stated.</p><p>‘You know that makes you sound like 100 years old, right?’ Jesse rebuked.</p><p>‘My point is, Jesse, you’re not a punk, far from it,’ Walt returned.</p><p>‘You don’t like my hair?  How gay does that make you sound, Mr White,’ Jesse asked.</p><p>‘I didn’t say I didn’t like it, just how it makes you look isn’t how I see you,’ Walt stated. ‘I mean it does make you look older if that’s what you wanted.’</p><p>Jesse took a deep breath, looking down suddenly. ‘I cut it short to stop people grabbing it, you know, when they attack me.’</p><p>Walt suddenly felt dreadful, he had had no idea.  ‘Jesse, I’m sorry, it looks great.’</p><p>Jesse looked embarrassed suddenly, he hadn’t meant to make Mr White feel bad, so offered a weak smile, and absently brushed his hand over the buzz cut again.  ‘Seems to work for you,’ he then smirked.</p><p>Mr White now smiled in return. ‘Yeah, its easy to look after at least.’</p><p>After a moment of silence between the two Jesse sensed the awkwardness in the room, it had been there since they first sat down but with the conversation drying up it was now more prominent.  Mr White was clearly making an effort, not that it wasn’t coming naturally but he seemed different.  Jesse sat back and tried not to think too much about it.  He shifted slightly as he felt his back touch the back of the futon, and he knew his slip on the stairs had aggravated the worst of his wounds, he could feel his shirt getting caught on it.</p><p>Without word Jesse got up and walked up the stairs, partly because he wanted to change his shirt but also to get away from the strange atmosphere hanging in the room.  Deep down he knew why it was there, the two of them alone again for the first time since that night, when they did that thing.  Jesse reached his room and sat on the edge of his bed, putting his head in his hands.  It wasn’t so much awkward because he was avoiding it, Jesse realised, it would be easier to pretend like it never happened, but he knew it was awkward because he was still curious.  Jesse sighed, and rubbed his eyes, leaning with his elbows on his knees he stretched his back, rolling his shoulders.</p><p>Did he really want to get closer to Mr White?  He ex-teacher, his business partner, the man who ordered him to kill another man?  A married man at that, one who not in a millions years would Jesse ever think of in that way, but here he was.  It was confusing times, but Walter White seemed to be making the most sense to him.</p><p>Seeing Julie again, the lady he lost his innocence to one incredible night years ago, had triggered a need in Jesse to connect to people again in a way his younger self found so easy to do.  Meeting Samson, Jackson and Julie that night, Jesse paused, he was sure there was a fourth person but it escaped him for a moment, meeting them had literally changed his life.  Life at home had become unbearable, he remembered, his dad was beating him, forcing him to stay in his room and finish homework he didn’t understand, being denied food as a punishment.  He learned to escape out of his bedroom window and that’s how he met up with his new friends, who were polar opposites of everyone else in his life at that time, they got him instantly and showed him how life could be more fun. </p><p>That one night where Julie made his young dreams come true, discovering what it was to be wanted, desired, Jesse smiled fondly at the memory and their earlier reunion had been an unexpected treat.  He thought of Andrea and Brock, it had been weeks since he had seen either, potentially an instant family right there waiting for him.  Jesse tried to imagine what that would be like but his thoughts kept returning to Walter White, despite the obvious differences in those options, Jesse simply felt safe with Mr White, he feared for Andrea and Brock getting too close to him, after what happened to Jane.  The thought of Jane caused Jessed to close his eyes for a moment, it was still too raw.</p><p>Jesse heard Mr White before he saw him enter the room, he realised his eyes were watering, so he hastily wiped them.</p><p>‘Everything ok, Jesse?’ Walter asked.  Jesse didn’t know how to respond and sniffed loudly instead. ‘Jesse, I can’t imagine what it must be like to have all these lost memories come back, I do get that it can’t be easy,’ Walt offered and when Jesse didn’t speak, he moved to sit next to him on the edge of the bed and to Walts surprise Jesse leaned into him, resting his head on his shoulder without word.</p><p>Walt hesitantly put an arm around Jesse and just held him, being as reassuring as he could.  He could only imagine what was going on in Jesse’s head with the sudden memories, but he was relishing the trust Jesse was showing him, accepting his presence in such troubled times.  This was all he wanted, to be that friend Jesse deserved and needed, Walt considered.</p><p>‘Jesse, I want to help, we will get through this, you don’t have to deal with this on your own, ok?’ Walt spoke softly.</p><p>‘It’s so strange to have your past suddenly come back,’ Jesse then offered.  ‘But only some of it makes any sense. Today I remembered friends I’d forgotten, that’s why I had to go out, I had to go to the place I used to hang out with them,’ Jesse offered quietly.</p><p>‘I would have driven you there, Jesse, you shouldn’t have been driving after that knock to the head,’ Walt stated.</p><p>‘That part of my head is fine,’ Jesse stated once again.  ‘I can’t explain, I just had to go there on my own, and she was there,’ Jesse said with the surprise clear in his voice.</p><p>‘Who was?’ Walt asked.</p><p>‘Julie,’ Jesse answered.  ‘I’d completely forgotten her till I saw her, and it all came back, who she was and why she was important.’</p><p>‘You actually saw her?’ Walt checked.</p><p>‘Yeah, she now owns the place I had to see, I mean it’s crazy, but it was only her, I didn’t ask where Jackson was and well, Samson died the same day I was attacked,’ Jesse explained.</p><p>‘And you’re only remembering these people today?’</p><p>‘The details yeah,’ Jesse agreed.  ‘I knew I hung around the streets a bit, I knew that’s how I got deeper involved in the drug scene and hooked up with various people, but I’d forgotten faces and names. It seems they never forgot me, they’d been trying to watch out for me, like guardian angels or something.’</p><p>‘And why was this Julie lady important?’ Walt asked.</p><p>Jesse offered a brief laugh. ‘She made me a man, Mr White, she took my innocence,’ Jesse answered.</p><p>‘She was your first?’ Walt checked.</p><p>‘Yeah,’ Jesse remembered. ‘I told her I was eighteen, she took some convincing but she wanted me, so it wasn’t a hard sell, at that time it was just nice to be wanted cos my homelife sure stank.’</p><p>‘How old were you?’ Walt asked.</p><p>‘Fifteen,’ Jesse replied.</p><p>‘Did everything happen to you when you were fifteen?’ Walt smirked.</p><p>‘Well, that was the same night I did dope for the first time and then the cops found me wandering the streets high as a fucking kite, took me back to my dad,’ Jesse remembered, and Walt felt him tense in his hold.</p><p>‘I can’t imagine that ended well,’ Walt realised.</p><p>‘Probably the only time he didn’t beat me,’ Jesse rolled his shoulders again in Walt’s hold. ‘I can’t remember why but he knew I’d had sex, and suddenly he went all weird on me.’</p><p>‘What do you mean?’ Walt asked suddenly concerned.</p><p>‘Told me to strip, like forced me, yo, fucking perv wanted to check me out,’ Jesse’s anger was growing as he remembered.  ‘Didn’t do anything, other than freak me out and then two or three weeks later he’s introducing me to Del Burley,’ Jesse finished.</p><p>‘Oh my god, seriously?’ Walt was stunned.</p><p>‘Guess he figured I was fair game now I wasn’t a kid anymore,’ Jesse said sadly. ‘I divided my time up between my parents and Del Burley, their sweet deal for Jake’s education.’</p><p>Walt couldn’t help but embraced Jesse closer, the need to protect him in that moment was strong and he just wanted to reassure him that he wasn’t alone.  Jesse responded, wrapping his arms around Walt, and they both shifted slightly to get a better hold.</p><p>‘Thanks, Mr White,’ Jesse then offered, pulling away slightly.</p><p>‘Anytime, Jesse, I’m here for you,’ Walt returned.</p><p>No further words were said as Jesse leaned forward and his lips brushed against Walt’s own.  When Walt didn’t seem to object, Jesse pushed further and soon they were exploring each other’s mouths, and then just as quickly as it begun, they both paused, catching their breath.</p><p>‘Are you sure you want to do this, Jesse?’ Walt then asked cautiously.</p><p>‘I’m not sure about anything right now,’ Jesse returned. ‘But I don’t want to not do it.’</p><p>‘Your logic will always be so special,’ Walt smiled. ‘But let’s just take things slow, neither of us know what this actually is.’</p><p>‘Fuck that,’ Jesse stated and pushed Mr White back onto the bed, falling down beside him. ‘You want me, yeah? Take me.’ Jesse surprised himself with his actions, but with his returning memories of time spent with Del came a returning wave of how he use to enjoy being more challenging and was keen to rediscover this side to him again.</p><p>‘What?’ Walter White couldn’t believe what Jesse was proposing and couldn’t help his confusion, the shock was clear to see in his expression.</p><p>‘Go Heisenberg on me if you have to, show me what you’ve got Mr White,’ Jesse smiled back at him and lay on his back, putting his hands behind his head.  ‘I need this, I want this, please, Mr White.’</p><p>‘I don’t think this is a good idea, not after everything that’s happened, Jesse,’ Walt stated unsure, but he couldn’t take his eyes off Jesse, still savouring the kiss they shared.</p><p>‘Mr White,’ Jesse simply said, then looked at him with such a strange calm. ‘We’re doing nothing wrong, just friends helping each other out, remember? Isn’t that what you said?’</p><p>‘Yes, I did say that,’ Walt conceded with a weak smile. </p><p>‘So, come on already, look we can just lie here if you prefer, make out, whatever, come on Mr White, relax,’ Jesse enthused, seemingly keen to be in control.</p><p>Walt hesitated for a moment before gathering his senses, Jesse was challenging him, and he wanted nothing more than to accept that challenge.  He straddled Jesse and took a moment to see the young man at his mercy beneath him, not moving.</p><p>‘Ok, that’s more like it, Mr White,’ Jesse’s face brightened, continuing to encourage Walt.</p><p>‘Jesse,’ Walt then said, still in two minds but not planning to back out now.</p><p>‘Don’t ask me again, Mr White, I swear to god just do it, come on already,’ Jesse urged with a bravado that spurred Walter on.</p><p>Walt relaxed slightly with a small smile. ‘I’m savouring the moment, Jesse, patience, stop being a brat,’ Walt then scolded and grabbed hold of the hem of Jesse’s shirt, pushing it up and suppressing a frown when he saw Jesse already had his arms above his head to ease the full removal, the kid was keen or at least compliant.</p><p>Once removed Walter leaned forward and showered Jesse’s chest with kisses, before paying close attention to both nipples and feeling Jesse squirming beneath him.  ‘You smell fresh, have you showered in the past couple hours?’</p><p>‘Maybe,’ Jesse admitted. ‘I told you I saw Julie.’</p><p>‘Oh, you meant you saw, saw this Julie woman,’ Walt stated catching on. ‘Actually, I see she left a mark,’ he teased the hickey she had left him.</p><p>‘What can I say, she can’t control herself around me,’ Jesse cheekily smiled.  ‘Oh, hang on, that’s how my dad knew I’d done it that night, she marked me the first time too.’</p><p>‘So, what is this, Jesse, I get sloppy seconds?’ Walt asked.</p><p>‘Are you jealous?’ Jesse teased.</p><p>‘I’m shocked you have the energy to go again in your current state, you sure I’m not going to kill you, I mean you need to be ready for this,’ Walt now smiled.</p><p>‘Oh really?’ Jesse grinned with excitement.  ‘You don’t have to worry about me, Mr White.’</p><p>‘If only that were true, Jesse, if only that were true,’ Walt began to rub his hands over Jesse’s chest, and arms, massaging the boy who continued to squirm.  He savoured the opportunity to properly explore the willing Jesse, at his mercy and seeing the kid wearing the biggest shit eating grin possible.  Finally, Walt adjusted his sitting position and scooted down, he continued his massage for a few more moments getting ever closer to the place Jesse was practically begging him to touch but he continued to tease.</p><p>Slowly he undid the button on Jesse’s jeans and pulled them down with no great rush, he then kissed Jesse’s stomach and rubbed his hands over Jesse’s hips before he finally pulled down the boxers exposing Jesse’s aching hard on.</p><p>‘Jesus, Mr White, get on with it already, yo,’ Jesse whined.</p><p>Jesse was rewarded with Walt’s hand gripping his cock and slowly he began to pump it, seeing Jesse respond was everything Walter White could have wanted when he had tried to imagine this moment.  It had felt like an impossible dream for so long, but here he was, manipulating Jesse’s cock and watching the boy display nothing but pure blissful emotions to his touch.</p><p>Jesse closed his eyes, forget his age, forget his past, Mr White was driving him insane for all the right reasons finally.  Remembering to breath, Jesse gasped as he felt the wet warmth of Mr White’s mouth around his cock, it felt so good and this time he allowed himself to enjoy it, forgetting any doubts or feelings of weirdness.  This felt right, and he never wanted it to end.</p><p>Jesse hung on for as long as he could but finally, his release came with force and he bucked in Mr White’s hold for a few moments.  Walter moved back up the bed and embraced Jesse as he recovered.</p><p>‘Mmm, that was great,’ Jesse offered tiredly, and he move his hand to Walter’s shirt buttons, but Walt stopped him.</p><p>‘Rest, Jesse,’ Walter advised.  ‘I’m ok, but you look exhausted,’ he smiled and lightly kissed Jesse’s forehead.  Jesse tried to object but his eyelids were already half closed.</p><p>Walt moved off the bed and removed Jesse’s jeans completely, before pulling up his boxers to make the young man decent again.  He took the duvet and covered Jesse completely, who was now sound asleep with a contented smile on his face, Walt noted.</p><p>‘Sleep well, Jesse,’ Walt smiled, before leaving the room.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>I was so close to calling this chapter the enigizer bunny... Jesse certainly gets the right attention in this chapter I think</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0004"><h2>4. The Del situation</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Mike shares his new intel on Del Burley's intentions, whilst Jesse tries to sort his head out... and discovers something unexpected.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>The knock on the door stirred Walt from the nap he didn’t realise he was having on the futon, and it took him a moment to realise he was still at Jesse’s house.  Jesse was nowhere to be seen, and moving a little gingerly, Walt got to his feet to open the door.</p><p>‘Hey Mike,’ Walt greeted groggily.</p><p>‘Did I wake you?’ Mike asked, seeing Walt stretching.</p><p>‘I must have dozed off,’ Walt offered, now yawning.</p><p>‘Well consider me jealous,’ Mike admitted with a yawn.</p><p>‘Look I’m fine here if you need to go and rest, Mike,’ Walt stated.  ‘Jesse is asleep upstairs.’</p><p>‘I might well do that, if that’s ok,’ Mike looked upwards. ‘But first I want to talk to you about Del Burley.’</p><p>‘Ok,’ Walt agreed and sat back down on the futon.</p><p>Mike sat down on the other end of the futon.  ‘I’m sure you’ve heard about Del Burley giving up his company, going off the grid?’</p><p>‘Yeah, I heard about that,’ Walt agreed.</p><p>‘I have intel that confirms he still has intentions for Jesse,’ Mike revealed and saw Walt frown, but showing no surprise to the news.  ‘I’m guessing you know more than I do about the whole Jesse and Del business?’</p><p>‘Yeah,’ Walt answered with a frown.  ‘Jesse has been experiencing some memory recall recently, events have triggered him remembering stuff he’d forgotten due to trauma.’</p><p>‘Well, we knew there was something more from Gus’s hints, but I didn’t have money on grooming,’ Mike stated.</p><p>‘Look, it’s not my place to say anything but it really does appear to be a very sorry mess that the young Jesse got caught up in due to no fault of his own,’ Walt offered.</p><p>Both men heard a noise from the other side of the room and glanced over.</p><p>‘I’m ok with Mike knowing,’ Jesse voice broke through as he came down the stairs, he was fully dressed again Walt noted, but still looking a little tired.</p><p>‘Is this something that’s only come back to you with the memories?’ Mike asked.</p><p>‘Yeah,’ Jesse slumped down in the circular chair. ‘stuff happened when I was fifteen with me and Del, like you said, grooming right?’ Jesse simply said.</p><p>‘I’m sorry kid,’ Mike offered.</p><p>‘So, what have you learned?’ Jesse asked.</p><p>‘I had to listen a few times to the intel I gathered, just to fully understand it,’ Mike offered. ‘But the gist is he’s given up everything because of you.’</p><p>‘Wait, because of me?’ Jesse questioned sitting forward with confusion clear in his voice.</p><p>‘They’ve been afraid of you ever since the night Grant shot you,’ Mike sighed.  ‘We just never realised.’</p><p>‘They were worried Jesse would remember?’ Walt spoke up.</p><p>‘Pretty much, seemed it was more Franko who was worried, which might explain his actions against you, Jesse,’ Mike indicated.  ‘So, Del has signed everything over to Franko to take charge of the company, and to distance himself from everything he worked for.’</p><p>‘So even if I did speak now, he’s already prepared to take the fall he has nothing to lose now, he’s covered himself?’ Jesse stated.  ‘So, what’s the point going after him, sounds like he wants me to.’</p><p>‘He would still deserve the punishment,’ Walt countered.</p><p>‘Well Gus wants me to press charges,’ Jesse offered.  ‘Doesn’t sound like I have much of a choice, it’s whatever he wants.’</p><p>‘You always have a choice, Jesse,’ Walt stated firmly.</p><p>‘Is there a reason you don’t want to see this man face charges for what he did to you?’ Mike then asked.</p><p>Jesse took a deep breath, bringing his legs up onto the chair and wrapping his arms around them. ‘I don’t remember him hurting me,’ Jesse admitted.</p><p>‘Jesse,’ Walt spoke in soft tones. ‘You need to remember that he was most likely grooming you, as Mike said, and maybe he technically never hurt you but he did stuff to you an adult shouldn’t do to a kid.’</p><p>‘I was only a few months off legal age, and I was already doing it with adults before I met Del, he took nothing away from me,’ Jesse countered, exaggerating a little but wanting to make his point, and he saw the looks he was getting from Mike and Walt.  ‘Just seems a bit late to kick up a fuss now, and I’m not sure I want to be a poster boy for this stuff, he’s a known public figure, the press would go mental and I’m not wanting that, ok?’</p><p>‘It doesn’t matter if you were nearly legal or already active, kid, he knew your age, he paid your parents money, and even if what you had together was the real deal, he should have waited till you were legal if it wasn’t that long a wait,’ Mike stated.  ‘But I agree, I don’t think this is a case that can be kept under wraps, for the best results you would have to go public, to get the best impact, and response from Del Burley.  What did you tell Gus?’</p><p>‘That he had to keep my name out of it,’ Jesse responded.</p><p>‘If there is a way to do that, he’ll find it,’ Mike responded and got back to his feet.  ‘I would just warn you to be aware that Del might try to contact you, I would hope he wouldn’t be so bold as to come here himself, but he has ways, I’m sure, of seeing people he wants to see,’ Mike warned. ‘You’ve already faced that a couple of times, Jesse, with Grant, so be alert.’</p><p>‘I will,’ Jesse simply agreed.</p><p>Both Jesse and Walt gestured goodbyes to Mike as he left the house, there was silence as they both considered what Mike had told them.  After a few moments Jesse got to his feet without word, taking his phone out of his pocket he moved to the front door indicating he needed to make a call.</p><p>‘Everything ok?’ Walt thought to ask, a little concerned by Jesse’s silence.</p><p>‘Yeah,’ Jesse nodded and went outside. ‘Just need to make this call.’</p><p>Jesse stepped outside in the daylight and leant against the outside wall, taking some deep breaths before looking at his phone and scrolling through his contacts.  Doctor Carmichael’s cell phone details came up on his screen and he hesitated for a moment, took a more controlled breath and then dialled.</p><p>‘Hello?’</p><p>‘Hey, It’s Jesse, Jesse Pinkman.’</p><p>‘Jesse! I wasn’t sure you’d call me, but I’m really glad you have,’ Carmichael enthused, almost in relief.</p><p>‘Yeah, I think I probably need to come and see you at some point,’ Jesse stated, as he sat down on the concrete outside his house.</p><p>‘Everything ok? Do you need to see me today?’ Carmichael offered.</p><p>‘I don’t know,’ Jesse admitted. ‘I don’t want to waste your time.’</p><p>‘You will never do that, Jesse,’ Carmichael assured him. ‘How have things been since you got back?’</p><p>‘Confusing, I don’t know, I just feel like I’m a mess but sometimes I feel so together, stuff has happened that I don’t completely understand but it’s not all bad, but it’s just,’ Jesse hesitated and closed his eyes, his emotions threatening again.  ‘I just need to talk.’</p><p>‘That’s good, that’s exactly what you need to do, Jesse,’ Carmichael stated calmly.  ‘Do you want to come and see me in about an hour? I can clear some time for you, it’s not a problem.’</p><p>‘Er, yeah, sure,’ Jesse agreed, before finishing the call.</p><p>Jesse remained seated and just looked at his phone for a moment, he knew it made sense to keep talking to the shrink but he was weary of what Mr White might think about it, he wasn’t really crazy but there was still a stigma that Jesse wasn’t keen to get stuck with.  Distracted by his thoughts he didn’t notice the figure walking up to him until they were too close for him to avoid.</p><p>‘Jesse Pinkman, well I never thought I’d see you in these parts again.’</p><p>Jesse snapped his head upwards and found himself looking at Hank Schrader, he instinctively froze for a second.  ‘What are you doing here?’ He quickly got to his feet and rapidly wiped his face, knowing that Walter White was inside his house, and hoping he had spotted Hank so he would hide or disappear.</p><p>‘Well it’s crazy but I was just driving by and I spotted my brother in law’s car just parked outside, is Walter White here?’ Hank asked suspiciously.</p><p>Jesse had to think quick. ‘Er, yeah, I called him, he came over,’ Jesse managed.</p><p>‘Why did you call him?’ Hank asked, always sounding like he never believed a word.</p><p>Jesse shrugged, he figured looking pathetic might help his cause here. ‘I got no one else to talk to.’</p><p>‘So, you called your old chemistry teacher?’ Hank half smiled.</p><p>The hurt on Jesse’s face was genuine at Hank’s teasing, he didn’t appreciate the tone. ‘He helped me that day when I came to see you,’ Jesse simply said.</p><p>‘So, what are you doing out here?  I take it Walt is inside?’ Hank then asked.</p><p>Jesse sniffed loudly, he decided to play on the emotions that had been so close to the surface when he called the doctor.  ‘I just needed a minute, to get some air,’ he wiped his eyes again for effect, and avoided Hank’s intense glare. ‘I’ve been remembering stuff.’</p><p>‘Oh,’ Hank seemed to instantly understand, to Jesse’s surprise.  ‘Look let’s go back inside, it’s good that Walt is here because I want to just follow up on what happened after you saw me last, would that be ok?’</p><p>‘You want to go into my house?’ Jesse asked.</p><p>‘Is there a problem?’ Hank asked.</p><p>Jesse just stared at the front door, remembering the last time Hank was at his house.  The pain, the beating and this time his reaction was very genuine as he tried to respond, before seeing his front door open and Walter White step out.</p><p>‘Jesse,’ Walt’s voice sounded and then Walt froze on seeing Hank stood with Jesse who looked very troubled, he momentarily panicked before instantly recovering. ‘Hank, what are you doing here?’</p><p>‘It was a funny thing, I was just driving by and I saw your car parked outside,’ Hank offered.  ‘You know I’ve been keeping a loose eye on whether Pinkman would show up again, but Jesse was telling me that he called you, that he needed to talk about remembering stuff,’ Hank offered.</p><p>‘Yeah, I would have told you Hank, but it was a bit sudden, he just called me an hour or so ago out of the blue,’ Walt offered, then noticed Jesse didn’t seem too good.  ‘Jesse, are you ok?’</p><p>‘He just seemed to freeze up just before you came out,’ Hank offered. ‘I asked if we could go inside just to talk, catch up on what happened.’</p><p>‘Isn’t this where you,’ Walt gestured to the front door, quickly realising the potential reason behind the panicked look on Jesse’s face.</p><p>‘Shit, yeah,’ Hank glanced at Jesse. ‘Look, kid, I just want to talk, ok?’</p><p>Jesse numbly nodded his head and walked past Hank and Walt, into his house.</p><p>‘Look, Hank, is there any chance we can do this another time,’ Walt asked quietly. ‘He called me in distress, I mean you see his face, he showed me wounds all over his body, the kid is traumatised. I’m only just getting him to talk so give me a bit more time and it might be easier for you in the long run?’ Walt requested.</p><p>Hank seemed to consider what he had seen, he had sensed some distress in the kid when he had approached him, and then his reaction to Hank going into his house only made Walt’s words stronger. ‘Sure thing, I’ve waited this long, another day won’t hurt,’ Hank smiled. ‘Just make sure he knows it’s just a chat, nothing more,’ Hank offered.  ‘Maybe you could bring him by the station, tomorrow maybe?’</p><p>‘Yeah, let’s work to that,’ Walt agreed, and watched as Hank turned and returned to his car before he re-entered Jesse’s house and closed the door.  ‘That was too close for comfort, Jesse.’</p><p>‘How did you get rid of him?’ Jesse asked, he had lit up a cigarette and was huddled on the circular chair.</p><p>‘Played to his nicer qualities,’ Walt responded.  ‘Good work with the fear factor, he brought that which helped.’</p><p>‘I wasn’t faking that,’ Jesse puffed harder on the cigarette, and Walt noticed he was genuinely shaken up.</p><p>‘Hey, Jesse, it’s ok, Hank can’t touch you, remember?’ Walt assured him.  ‘After what he did, he would have to build a case so tight for them to even listen to him, and he doesn’t have anything close to that on you.’</p><p>‘It wasn’t that,’ Jesse’s voice was shaking. ‘Just him, there, on my property again, it brought it all back, man,’ Jesse breathing was more rapid.  ‘As we got to the front door, I was back, I felt like he was about to attack me again, it was real, yo.’</p><p>‘At least we no longer have to worry as much about me and you being seen together, Hank brought the story,’ Walt considered, and saw how distant Jesse looked.  ‘Jesse, stand up.’  Jesse glanced up at Walt, and after a moment of hesitation he got to his feet.  Walt put both hands on Jesse’s arms, looking him in the eye and seeing he had Jesse’s full attention before bringing Jesse into a hug.</p><p>There was a peaceful calm between them until Jesse suddenly flinched, and Walt immediately ended the hug but keeping a hold of Jesse, as he stepped back.</p><p>‘What is it?’ Walt asked.</p><p>‘My back, it’s been killing me since I fell down the stairs,’ Jesse admitted, his face now showing the discomfort he felt, as he rolled his shoulder’s again. ‘Maybe what you did to me too didn’t help it either, but I’m not complaining, ok,’ Jesse admitted coyly.</p><p>‘Let me see,’ Walt offered and turned Jesse around, and moved Jesse’s shirt away seeing the wound was weeping a little.  ‘That one wound just isn’t healing Jesse, I think we should get it checked out.’</p><p>‘There would be too many questions,’ Jesse dismissed, and he shrugged Mr White away and seemed irritated suddenly.  ‘Stop fussing, I’m ok,’ Jesse snapped as he hunted around the living room before finding his jacket, that contained his car keys.</p><p>‘Where are you going?’ Walt asked.</p><p>‘I have an appointment,’ Jesse stated and absently checked his phone, seeing Doctor Carmichael’s confirmation on time and place in his text messages.</p><p>‘At least let me drive you this time?’ Walt suggested. </p><p>Jesse stopped and took a moment to compose himself, admitting to himself that it wasn’t a bad idea as his head still felt a bit tender, and he was feeling tired.</p><p>‘Fine,’ Jesse conceded without further comment, moving towards the door.</p><p>‘Where are we heading?’ Walt asked as he grabbed his jacket and followed Jesse outside.</p><p>‘I told you I have an appointment,’ Jesse answered as he reached Walt’s car and waited for it to be unlocked.  Walt unlocked the car and they both got inside.  Jesse checked his phone and sensed Walt was waiting for instructions before he would start the engine. ‘Head to Montgomery Boulevard, by the 7-Eleven.’</p><p>‘You have an appointment with a 7-Eleven?’ Walt checked. ‘This appointment isn’t with a shady guy in an alleyway by any chance is it?’ Walt asked suspiciously.</p><p>‘No, jesus, is that how you think I get my stuff?’ Jesse rubbed his forehead, avoiding the bump. ‘Can we just go already?’</p><p>‘Sure,’ Walt answered, a little unsure why Jesse was being cranky, hoping that it wasn’t a sign that his head injury was worse than it looked, he remembered being told patients could become angry as a symptom of head trauma.</p><p>Jesse sensed Mr White’s concern and it was bothering him, he didn’t want him being so cautious round him or creating additional paranoia for him to feed on.  With a heavy sigh, Jesse decided he just had to tell Walt where he was going.</p><p>‘I’m seeing a shrink, ok?’ Jesse finally revealed.</p><p>Walt seemed to instantly relax.  ‘That’s great,’ he stated.</p><p>‘I saw him in Mexico, during my recovery,’ Jesse added.  ‘I don’t know if it helps but Mike’s been pretty insistent that I continued seeing this guy.’</p><p>‘Jesse, you don’t have to be embarrassed by this,’ Walt stated. ‘It’ll do you good to talk to someone confidentially.’</p><p>‘You’re not worried?’ Jesse asked.</p><p>‘Why would I be worried?’ Walt asked.</p><p>‘Well, I’m sure you’ll come up in conversation,’ Jesse gazed out of the window, looking at the passing houses.</p><p>‘It’ll all be confidential, and if this guy is known by Mike, and I assume Gus, I’m thinking we can trust him,’ Walter confirmed.</p><p>‘So, me telling him about how my old high school teacher sucks me off is ok?’ Jesse asked calmly, still avoiding Walt’s gaze.</p><p>‘Jesse if that’s something you need to talk about then go for it, don’t worry about me,’ Walt assured him. ‘I have nothing to be ashamed of, Jesse, you fully consented to what we did. In fact, you pretty much made it very clear what you wanted that last time so I’ve committed no crime, for once, so what should I fear exactly?’ Walt noticed Jesse rub his face but didn’t say anything. ‘Jesse?’</p><p>Walt pulled the car over and killed the engine.  ‘Why are we stopping?’ Jesse asked confused.</p><p>‘Because I’m not sure what you are accusing me of, Jesse?’ Walt returned.</p><p>‘Nothing,’ Jesse defended.  ‘I’m not accusing you of anything, Mr White, can we just go? I have to make my appointment,’ Jesse then urged.</p><p>‘Do you have a problem with what we did, Jesse?’ Walt asked directly.</p><p>‘No!’ Jesse returned, then seemed troubled. ‘Not really,’ he added and seemed unsure. ‘I’m just, I don’t know, still processing, thinking, just as a whole I’m still messed up I think.’</p><p>‘Jesse if I’m contributing to your problems then just tell me, and I’ll go,’ Walt offered.</p><p>Jesse looked at Mr White, his eyes narrowed. ‘You’d go? Just like that you’d leave me?’ he asked.</p><p>‘If that’s what you wanted, or needed, Jesse,’ Walt responded with care.</p><p>Jesse looked away from Walt.  ‘It’s not what I want,’ Jesse simply said, and he closed his eyes to avoid dealing with his erratic emotions.</p><p>‘Then there is no issue, right?’ Walt questioned. ‘Just be upfront with this guy, say what you need to say, Jesse, just find a better place emotionally, because I hate seeing you like this.’</p><p>When Jesse didn’t respond Walt started the car up again and continued driving to Jesse’s appointment.</p><hr/><p>‘That looks nasty,’ Doctor Carmichael noted, gesturing to Jesse’s forehead.</p><p>Jesse took a deep breath and shrugged.  ‘It’s fine.’</p><p>‘These sessions usually work a lot better if we both talk, you more so than me,’ Carmichael pointed out.</p><p>‘Sorry,’ Jesse couldn’t get comfortable in his seat. ‘I’m just not sure I can do this.’</p><p>‘And yet here you are, you made your appointment, you called me,’ Carmichael noted, and then he sat forward.  ‘Why don’t we talk about your time since leaving Mexico, are you feeling better?’</p><p>‘Yeah, I’m eating again, and my back is kind of healing,’ Jesse offered.</p><p>‘How did you hurt your head?’ Carmichael asked. ‘That’s new since Mexico.’</p><p>Jesse took another deep breath.  ‘I was working with Mike yesterday, we got jumped.’</p><p>‘Jumped?’</p><p>‘Someone tried to jack Mike’s car, I had to stop them, and I did,’ Jesse explained,</p><p>‘Tell me about Grant.’</p><p>‘What?’ Jesse questioned at the abrupt change in subject.</p><p>‘How did you meet him?’ Carmichael asked.</p><p>Jesse didn’t feel entirely comfortable with the shift in topic, but decided talking was better than not talking. ‘I was high, he came onto me in my house during some dumb party.’</p><p>‘Did you invite him to come onto you?’ Carmichael pushed.</p><p>Jesse looked uneasy at the doc.  ‘I don’t want to discuss this right now, it’s too soon,’ Jesse frowned.</p><p>‘Ok, so tell me about your parents,’ Carmichael asked.</p><p>‘My parents?’ Jesse checked, again the topic change throwing him, this felt more like an interrogation than a counselling session.  The doc seemed on edge, nervous but he wasn’t an expert on how shrinks worked, he’d never seen one before in this way.  Then suddenly he found himself questioning that, had he seen a psychiatrist before?</p><p>‘Jesse?’ Carmichel interrupted his thoughts.</p><p>Jesse snapped his attention back to the doc. ‘They hate me.’</p><p>‘Why do you think that?’</p><p>‘I don’t know, maybe because they threw me out when I was just a kid,’ Jesse stated. ‘Said I was a failure, that I wasn’t good enough,’ Jesse returned.  ‘I moved in with my Aunt.’</p><p>‘Did your parents mistreat you?’ Carmichael asked.</p><p>Jesse shrugged.  ‘They, erm,’ Jesse’s mouth was suddenly dry, and he took a quick sip of water. ‘They used to give me pills to help my concentration,’ Jesse sighed. ‘My dad use to hit me.’</p><p>‘Hit you?’ Carmichael pressed.</p><p>‘Yeah, I deserved it, maybe, I was a brat,’ Jesse moved to hug himself in his chair. ‘I was never good enough.’</p><p>‘You believe that?’ Carmichael checked.</p><p>‘I tried so hard,’ Jesse’s face crumbled. ‘I just could never do anything right.’</p><p>‘Jesse, you have nothing to prove to them anymore, you have to take control,’ Carmichael stated.</p><p>‘What do you mean?’ Jesse asked.</p><p>‘You need to know the truth,’ Carmichael stated.</p><p>‘The what?’ Jesse questioned now very confused, wondering if the doc had shifted topics on him again.</p><p>‘Find out what you did, why your parents treated you like they did, don’t allow their actions to forever haunt you or be used as a weapon to beat yourself up,’ Carmichael sat forward, seemingly invested in his own words. ‘Have you ever asked them why they treated you like they did, now you are no longer a child but an adult yourself?’</p><p>‘No,’ Jesse admitted. ‘They won’t just tell me even if I ask, they think they are perfect.  They have never spoken to me only at me, many stupid interventions and crap, or they’ll just say it was all my fault, so what’s the point?’</p><p>‘You need to enable yourself to move on,’ Carmichael encouraged. ‘You need to speak to your parents, find out the truth.’</p><p>Jesse took a moment to look at the doctor, noticing for the first time that he kept glancing at the door, as if worried about something. ‘I think I’m going to just go, I’m not sure this is helping me,’ Jesse gingerly got to his feet.</p><p>‘Jesse, you can’t keep running, or hiding from this, you need to be more open for these sessions if they are ever going to be of benefit to you,’ Carmichael explained.</p><p>‘I don’t know if this is helping, you’re making me more nervous, on edge,’ Jesse offered then looked at Carmichael, as if for the first time, and his words sounded like he was reliving a déjà vu moment. ‘This feels familiar suddenly.’</p><p>‘How so?’</p><p>Jesse didn’t recognise the office but the voice, and the way the Doc had spoken that last sentence, it was all suddenly flashing back to him. ‘You’ve changed your hair, but I see it now, you’ve treated me before, after the accident,’ Jesse remembered, and suddenly felt very uneasy.  ‘It is you, right?’</p><p>‘That’s correct, Jesse, I felt it was important you remember on your own terms, rather than me telling you,’ Carmichael offered.</p><p>‘Gus hired you, that’s how he knows shit about me, you told him,’ Jesse figured and got to his feet as if to leave.</p><p>‘Jesse, sit down, we can discuss this,’ Carmichael stated.</p><p>‘I’m not sure I can trust you,’ Jesse admitted.</p><p>‘All I’ve ever tried to do is help you, Jesse,’ Carmichael assured him.</p><p>‘You work for Gus Fring,’ Jesse simply said and then the door opened, and Jesse froze on seeing who entered the room.</p><p>‘Not only Gus Fring,’ Del Burley offered as he stepped into the room. ‘You can leave us, Doc, me and Jesse have some catching up to do.’</p><p>‘What the fuck is going on?’ Jesse demanded backing away.</p><p>‘He did work for Gus, but he never actually stopped working for me, Jesse, please, we need to talk,’ Del stated, as Carmichael hurriedly got to his feet, gathering his things and leaving the room.</p><p>Jesse continued to back away, until he was the opposite side of the room to Del. ‘I have nothing to say to you,’ Jesse finally said, realising now why Carmichael was so nervous. </p><p>‘Gus Fring paid you a visit this morning, why?’ Del began.</p><p>Jesse felt trapped, he glanced around the room and Del stood between him and the only exit. ‘He, er,’ Jesse hesitated, trying to stay calm. ‘He knows what you did.’</p><p>‘And what did I do?’ Del asked calmly.</p><p>Jesse scoffed. ‘You know what you did.’</p><p>‘Question is, do you?’ Del returned.</p><p>Jesse took some breaths before answering. ‘I remember.’</p><p>Del half smiled.  ‘That makes me happy.’</p><p>Jesse showed his confusion. ‘Happy? Fucking perv,’ Jesse dismissed and looked away.</p><p>‘Is that what you really think, Jesse?’ Del asked softly.</p><p>Jesse avoided looking at Del as he tried to remain level-headed, staring at the floor.  ‘What do you think?’</p><p>‘Me?’ Del questioned, and slowly edged closer.  ‘I think my only mistake was falling in love with a boy, who was on the brink of becoming a man.’</p><p>Jesse scoffed again and looked anywhere but at Del, clearly growing more anxious as Del stepped closer.</p><p>‘Jesse, I have thought of no one else but you, my affection for you wasn’t because you were a boy, it was because of you Jesse, and I just want the chance to talk without anger, to just talk about what happened ten years ago between us,’ Del requested with passion.  ‘I get that you’re angry, confused, I would be too if I had forgotten something like we had, what happened to you was unforgivable and if I could have stopped it, I would have but,’ Del paused.</p><p>‘But Franko knocked you out,’ Jesse finished.</p><p>‘When I came to, you were gone and so was Franko, I tried to get you back but by the time I’d convinced Franko to return you, you’d been badly hurt by Lucas,’ Del remembered. ‘I never saw you again until that day you walked into my office and looked at me like a stranger, telling me my own son had raped you,’ Del said with a heavy heart.  ‘Actually no, I did see you briefly after the accident, just before I left Albuquerque the first time, I just needed to see you were ok so Franko allowed me to see you from afar as you left school one day,’ Del frowned.</p><p>‘Look I don’t know if I can do this, yo,’ Jesse stressed.</p><p>‘You need to know the truth about things,’ Del stated. ‘It must be driving you insane not understanding.’</p><p>‘That’s the thing,’ Jesse finally looked at Del, their eyes locked for a moment. ‘I think I do understand, and I think I do remember things right, that’s the problem,’ Jesse countered.</p><p>‘I saved you, Jesse, from the real enemy,’ Del stated.  ‘No one could possibly ever understand, and Franko certainly never did, he just thought I had some sickness for boys,’ Del sighed. ‘I mean admittedly there had been young men before you, not boys of fifteen but young adult men and Franko did what Franko did to ensure they didn’t hang around but you were not like them, Jesse,’ Del assured him. ‘You needed me, Jesse, and you know that you wouldn’t be here today if I hadn’t made that agreement with your dad, you remember those dark thoughts you had.’</p><p>Jesse closed his eyes, knowing that this was what he was afraid of.  ‘You still paid my parents money to be with me.’</p><p>‘To be introduced to you, Jesse, only to be introduced,’ Del corrected.  ‘If you had pushed me away or hit me that first time, I wouldn’t have bothered you again.’</p><p>Jesse took a deep breath, he remembered that first time.  His father had purposely left him in the car alone with Del who had joined him in the back seat, within a few minutes he was sucking his dick and at no point did Jesse stop him, he’d enjoyed the attention and was just discovering the whole new world of sex.</p><p>‘You took advantage,’ Jesse stated firmly. ‘You knew I was curious, and was horny as fuck to discover more, and you knew I was vulnerable, plus it didn’t take much to work out I was in a shitty situation at home,’ Jesse argued lightly.  ‘I was fifteen years old, man, you promised me the world so you could get in my pants,’ Jesse accused, his eyes watering up.</p><p>‘I’m sorry you remember it like that,’ Del sighed.</p><p>‘It’s how it happened, yo, how else could I remember it?’ Jesse argued.</p><p>‘We were just having fun, it wasn’t just about sex, it was breaking you free from that craziness you called a family, it was giving you a chance at life where your school was failing you, it was making you feel like you were important and could have a future,’ Del stated firmly.</p><p>‘Keep telling yourself that, yo, you’re a delusional homo,’ Jesse spat back and made to move towards the exit but Del blocked him easily, standing in front of him now, in touching distance.</p><p>‘They were drugging you, Jesse, you never recovered from that crap they dosed you up on’ Del returned strongly.  ‘Your dad was beating you, and you were a prisoner in your own home, who was taking the first steps to drug addiction, prostitution and a life on the streets as a runaway, what the fuck was I supposed to do?’ Del argued. ‘I tried, Jesse and yes, I fucked up and you ended up an addict anyway, but if Franko hadn’t meddled I would have seen you good, Jesse, and I still want to help you, if you let me.’</p><p>Jesse just looked away in disbelief, and then felt Del’s hands on his upper arms and froze.  ‘Get the fuck off me,’ Jesse warned.</p><p>‘I never stopped caring about you, about what happened to you,’ Del stated.</p><p>‘Seriously?’ Jesse mocked. ‘Is that why you kidnapped me, twice, let your son fucking rape me, had me shot, let Franko torture me and then handed me like a fucking gift to the cartel to fuck as they pleased?’ Jesse yelled back, all his simmering anger rising quickly to the surface. ‘Oh, and let’s not forget telling the fucking DEA who I am and who I work with!’</p><p>Del didn’t let go off Jesse but he let his head drop with the stinging truths, Jesse tried to wriggle out of Del’s strong hold but could not and started to grimace.</p><p>‘Jesse, I’m sorry, I,’ Del began.</p><p>‘You’re hurting me,’ Jesse stressed, and he could almost feel the bruises forming on his arms under Del’s grip.</p><p>‘Please, Jesse,’ Del continued but his words were not forming as he became distressed. ‘I’ve given up everything just to be able to speak to you, please give me this chance.’</p><p>‘I don’t owe you anything,’ Jesse returned, and tried once again to free himself but Del was not letting him go.</p><p>‘You don’t, you’re right,’ Del agreed. ‘But I made you a promise, Jesse.’</p><p>‘You want to help me?’ Jesse questioned.  ‘Firstly fucking let go of me, and secondly, get Hank Schrader the fuck away from me.’</p><p>‘I can arrange for him to disappear,’ Del reasoned, still holding Jesse.</p><p>‘No, no killing,’ Jesse quickly returned. ‘Just take the heat off me, make me untouchable to the DEA.’</p><p>‘That’s a big ask,’ Del stated.</p><p>‘I thought you owed me,’ Jesse simply returned with spite.</p><p>‘I could draw more attention to you if I did that, I won’t risk that,’ Del stated, but thought quickly. ‘But I can retract my claim, Hank never believed me anyway, he thinks you’re just a shit stain.’</p><p>‘Figures,’ Jesse remarked sadly. ‘Nothing changes, no one can believe I can do the things I actually can.’</p><p>‘Why do you say that?’ Del asked.</p><p>‘In Mexico, they all thought I was just Gus Fring’s or Heisenberg’s fuck toy, I cooked the blue sky to 96.2% and still they just wanted a piece of my ass as a power play on those two,’ Jesse sighed.</p><p>‘You’re not though, are you?’ Del was trying to disguise his question as a show of support for Jesse, to win his favour but he’d been dying to know for sure.</p><p>‘Hell no,’ Jesse returned. ‘I’m in the position I’m in because I can cook as well as Heisenberg, not because I slept with anyone,’ Jesse confirmed.</p><p>‘Has there been anyone significant?’ Del then genuinely asked, sensing Jesse was relaxing a little, still in his hold.</p><p>‘There was one, Jane, but she died, choked to death on her own vomit after we did H together,’ Jesse was letting himself remember the dark stuff, he could feel his emotions wavering as they always did when he remembered her.  He was finding it increasingly easy to talk to Del, which unnerved him suddenly, but the man was still holding him tight. Jesse considered kicking the guy in the nuts but deep down, something was stopping him, something he felt was coming back to him, almost creeping up on him.  A familiarity, a trust, their shared past was becoming more relevant and Jesse was unable to fight the feelings coming through.</p><p>‘I’m sorry to hear about Jane, I can tell she was important to you,’ Del comforted.</p><p>‘Then there’s Andrea, but I started using again so I’m keeping my distance, she’s clean and I can’t kill her like I killed Jane,’ Jesse frowned, feeling sad at how pathetic his life was.</p><p>‘You said Jane choked to death, you didn’t kill her,’ Del pointed out.</p><p>‘I got her using again,’ Jesse remembered the weight of that guilt he carried.  ‘She then introduced me to H, I was lucky I got the help I needed at the right time, she didn’t or rather she stopped getting the help she needed, and then I woke up and found her lifeless body lying next to me,’ Jesse could feel his eyes watering.</p><p>‘That must have been horrific,’ Del relaxed his hold on Jesse a little, still with his hands in place but no longer gripping as hard.  ‘But it wasn’t your fault, she always had the choice and she made bad choices,’ Del stated. ‘She got you hooked on H, that could have gone very badly, Jesse I’m so glad you got the help you needed.’</p><p>‘Heisenberg found me in a crack house, dragged my sorry ass out and checked me into rehab,’ Jesse stated.</p><p>‘You both must be close, you and Heisenberg,’ Del ventured.</p><p>‘Kind of, more so recently,’ Jesse agreed, then wondered why was he talking so openly to Del, this was Del Burley and he was pouring his fucking heart out to him.  Jesse then realised that Del was now stroking his upper arms where he had been gripping him, a light touch but strangely comforting.</p><p>‘Thank you for talking to me, and not killing me, I admit it felt like it could go either way at first,’ Del offered with a smirk.</p><p>Jesse was suddenly reminded of how much Del did help him, listened to him and helped him understand the world around him when he was a confused teenager. The night he’d help him with his homework, taking the time to explain things, then showing him some cool insights into business that Jesse now realised he had never forgotten as he adapted some of them for his forays into the drug world, that advice had helped him step up and get noticed.</p><p>‘What is this?’ Jesse then asked confused.</p><p>‘A second chance?’ Del offered. ‘At least that’s what I hope.’</p><p>Jesse stood unsure, still feeling the comforting touches Del was making on his arms, he was staying close, but Jesse felt no intimidation.</p><p>‘I can’t do this,’ Jesse tried to move away, but Del still had a surprisingly strong hold on him.  ‘Too much has happened, I can’t just pretend that what happened didn’t happen, yo.’</p><p>‘I’m not asking you to forget, you’ve done enough of that,’ Del spoke sincerely. ‘I’m asking you to remember,’ Del insisted. ‘Remember what we had, what we can still have and now be fully above board but just like before, consensual.’</p><p>‘You’re not going to let me go, are you?’ Jesse conceded.</p><p>‘I don’t want to, but if you really want me to, just say,’ Del sighed.</p><p>Jesse felt a flood of memories where he was happy, having fun, and those were so rare from his teenage years but every single memory that came to mind had one clear thing in common, Del Burley had made his teenage self happy.</p><p>‘Jesse?’ Del checked when Jesse didn’t speak, lost in his own thoughts.  Del couldn’t help the incredible urge that suddenly enveloped him, a need he had never lost but hadn’t thought he’d ever be able to act on again.  He leaned forward and his lips met Jesse’s, at first there was no reaction, not even one to push him away, instead there was a strange acceptance and Del moved his hands to Jesse’s head and increased the kiss, his tongue finding it’s way into Jesse’s mouth.</p><p>Jesse wanted to resist, wanted to stop what Del had instigated but instead he found himself caught up with nostalgia, a need and desire he had long forgotten, and he froze for a moment.  When he felt Del’s tongue in his mouth, Jesse seemed to snap back to reality and surprising himself, he started to kiss Del back, bringing his hands to Del’s shoulders.</p><p>After a while they both seemed to slow down and then stop, only stepping away slightly from each other’s hold.  They both had breath to catch, an awkward moment between them both, neither knowing how to react or what to say.</p><p>‘I don’t know what this is,’ Jesse finally spoke.</p><p>‘You said it yourself, Jesse, you remember,’ Del said, breathing heavily, resting his forehead against Jesse’s forehead.</p><p>‘I have to go,’ Jesse finally broke free of Del’s hold, and moved towards the door before he stopped. ‘Carmichael said I needed to speak to my parents, something about the truth,’ Jesse mentioned.</p><p>‘It’ll be the last piece of the puzzle,’ Del stated. ‘You need to speak to them.’</p><p>‘There’s still stuff I don’t understand about you, us,’ Jesse offered.</p><p>Del approached Jesse and offered a card.  ‘Call me when you are ready, no pressure, I will wait.’</p><p>Jesse took the card, glancing at Del unsure before he pocketed it.  ‘Deal with the Hank problem, and maybe we can talk.’</p><p>‘Consider it already done,’ Del said confidently.</p><p>‘No killing,’ Jesse called back as he moved into the corridor, towards the exit.</p><p>‘Ruin all my fun, but fine, I won’t kill him, just gently take his attention off of you,’ Del called back and watched until Jesse was out of sight.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0005"><h2>5. Falling</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jesse isn't sure what he's feeling, and just goes with it</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Jesse had been quiet on the journey back to his house, and Walt had put this down to the awkwardness the kid had felt about going to see a shrink, so he let him be.  They drove in silence and Walt parked up outside Jesse’s house, without word Jesse got out and headed inside.  Walt followed, unsure of Jesse’s mood, he hoped the psychiatrist had helped, but wasn’t seeing any evidence of this yet.</p><p>When Walt entered the house, he found Jesse stood in the middle of the room, he was just shrugging his hoodie off before discarding it onto the futon.</p><p>‘Do you want to talk?’ Walt ventured finally after closing the door behind him.  ‘Did talking to the psychiatrist help, don’t tell me details just yes, no?’</p><p>‘I need to see my parents,’ Jesse simply replied.</p><p>‘Why?’ Walt asked.</p><p>‘To ask them why they did what they did,’ Jesse sighed.  ‘To find out the truth.’</p><p>‘Do you think they’ll tell you the truth?’ Walt asked.</p><p>Jesse smirked. ‘Fat chance, but apparently I need to at least try, to enable me to move on.’</p><p>‘I guess that makes some sort of sense,’ Walt reasoned and moved closer to Jesse. ‘So, did you delve into the sordid nature of your ex-chemistry teacher sucking you off?’</p><p>Jesse offered a genuine smile at that, rolling his eyes in reaction. ‘No.’</p><p>‘Shame,’ Walt smiled back.  ‘Did the session help at least?’</p><p>‘Not really,’ Jesse brought his hands up to his face, rubbing his eyes. ‘Just got more questions now.’</p><p>‘Anything I can help you with?’ Walt asked, moving in front of Jesse now.</p><p>Jesse closed his eyes for a moment, his brain was only thinking about Del Burley, their past and that very real kiss.  He snapped them open again and focused on Walter White.</p><p>‘I don’t think so,’ Jesse frowned.  ‘But my back is still killing.’</p><p>‘Come on,’ Walt indicated to the stairs and then both proceeded to climb the stairs.  On reaching the bathroom, Jesse paused.  ‘Problem?’ Walt asked.</p><p>Jesse turned around and without warning began to kiss Walter White, he gripped his head and hungrily explored Mr White’s mouth.  After the initial surprise, Walter soon responded and they both kissed with urgency until finally Jesse pulled away.</p><p>‘That felt like you needed it,’ Walted stated, as Jesse turned and moved to the sink.</p><p>‘I did,’ Jesse simply replied without explanation.  It had felt different than it did with Del, and Jesse felt conflicted by his own feelings. </p><p>‘That works for me,’ Walt half smiled. ‘And that was pretty hot,’ he added coyly.</p><p>‘Do we have a future or a plan, anything, Mr White, about what this is, where it’s heading?’ Jesse asked with confusion.</p><p>‘I think right now we’re still working that out, Jesse,’ Walter answered sensibly.</p><p>‘Can this ever be normal, or will it always be in secret and unclear?’ Jesse gestured.</p><p>Walt brought a hand up to Jesse’s face, and rested it against his cheek.  ‘I sincerely would love for it to become normal. I think we’re good for each other, we’re good together, partners yeah?’ Walt admitted.</p><p>Jesse was already nodding his head to agree, Walter White was right, they were good together.  Somehow, they worked, Jesse couldn’t help but feel safe with Mr White, despite the fact he could turn into Heisenberg and do terrible things.  There was always the danger that if he did something wrong or didn’t agree with Mr White that Heisenberg could turn on him. Jesse couldn’t help but feel that in reality the ultimate betrayal to Mr White, that would cause the old man to go nuclear on him, would be to give himself up to authorities, to be a rat, and why would he do that?</p><p>Del Burley however offered a very different option, and Jesse couldn’t ignore the deep-down buried feelings he appeared to have for the man.  Despite knowing he did what he did when he was just fifteen, it was fair to say his situation as a fifteen year old were far from normal to begin with and Jesse was finding it hard to hate on the man as his memories grew stronger and more pronounced.</p><p>‘Jesse,’ Mr White’s voice broke thought. ‘Earth calling Jesse.’</p><p>‘Sorry,’ Jesse responded.</p><p>‘What is it?  You seem troubled, confused?’ Mr White questioned, then frowned. ‘At least more so than usual.’</p><p>Jesse let out a sigh of frustration. ‘I just feel like my head is ready to explode, just feel like there’s so much going on in there and,’ Jesse paused.  ‘I’m having trouble processing it all,’ he shrugged and avoided Mr White’s gaze.</p><p>‘Let’s just focus on one thing at a time, let’s see if we can ease the back pain,’ Walt suggested, as only a man of older years could.</p><p>Jesse removed his shirt and turned around to let Mr White examine the damage.  He couldn’t help but flinch as Mr White touched him, but he was thankful that after the day he’d had, there was no arousal this time.</p><p>‘I really think you need to get this checked out Jesse, it’s just not healing,’ Walt finally spoke.</p><p>‘It’ll be fine once I stop aggravating it,’ Jesse returned tiredly, he then felt the creme being applied and closed his eyes.  He felt Mr White hitting all the sore points before finally relaxing once he stepped away and tidied away the creme.</p><p>‘I think I’m going to try and catch up on some sleep, Mr White,’ Jesse then announced followed by a yawn, as he rubbed his face.</p><p>‘Ok, well, call me in the morning if you’re not up for doing a shift in the lab, we still have some flexibility on targets if you need another day,’ Walt offered.</p><p>‘Ok,’ Jesse nodded his head, then stood at odds for a moment, looking at Mr White and seeing something different in him.  He wasn’t sure exactly what it was that was different, but for the first time he wasn’t seeing the man who could become Heisenberg at any second, the fear and threat were no longer present and Jesse saw a man he actually didn’t want to see leave so soon.  Jesse gulped, realising that with all the crazy going on inside his head, he wanted something more real and in the now. Something that weirdly made sense and felt safe, something that wasn’t Del Burley.  ‘You don’t have to go, Mr White, I mean, if you don’t want to.’</p><p>Jesse saw the flash of uncertainty and found he liked that look on Mr White, it was genuine and felt more real to him.  In the past year, Jesse had befriended a desperate and sick version of Mr White, his wannabe alter ego Heisenberg, a dangerous version, but just recently Mr White had allowed Jesse to see more of the real him, the human him, the man who could care for and maybe even love.</p><p>‘OK,’ Mr White finally returned, and offered a small smile.</p><p>‘Not saying I’ll be able to stay awake, but I’d like you to stay,’ Jesse shrugged, now he looked unsure, this new dynamic to their relationship was still baffling to the two of them.</p><p>Mr White seemed to decide enough was enough, he walked up to Jesse and put a protective arm around his shoulders. ‘Let’s go to your room and see what happens.’</p><p>Jesse allowed himself to be led by Mr White, and then entered his room.  Moving away from Mr White, Jesse proceeded to kick his sneakers off and with his t-shirt already removed he stepped out of his jeans till he was only in his boxers.</p><p>‘Jesse,’ Mr White then spoke, he hadn’t moved from the spot where Jesse had broken away from him.  ‘That kiss earlier, when we got back,’ he ventured.  ‘Just so I understand, with your questions that followed, can I dare to believe that the two of us can make this work? Whatever this is, that me and you, could be more than business partners?’</p><p>Jesse got into bed before he looked at Mr White to answer, he shrugged to begin with. ‘With everything going on inside my head, what I’ve learned and what I’ve recently endured, I just need something that feels safe and that I can control,’ Jesse offered.  ‘I just need you to understand that I am still working through things, and I want you here with me now, I don’t want to be alone, so I don’t know if that makes you feel ok with this?’</p><p>‘May I?’ Walt gestured to the other side of the bed and Jesse nodded his head and he wasted no time removing his shoes, then pants and overshirt.  He got into the bed and scooted up to lay beside Jesse, putting an arm around his shoulders, pleased that Jesse naturally accepted his hold without any complaint.  After a few moments Jesse got more comfortable and rested his head against Mr White’s shoulder.</p><p>‘This is nice,’ Jesse remarked.</p><p>‘The old us would have been totally freaked out by this,’ Mr White teased.</p><p>‘Hell yeah,’ Jesse agreed.  ‘So, me dying in your arms led us to this point?’ Jesse checked.</p><p>‘It really did,’ Mr White agreed.</p><p>‘We can still bicker right?’ Jesse checked.  ‘I still want to be able to argue with you, without fear of threatening whatever this is,’ he explained with a cheeky smile.</p><p>Mr White laughed. ‘Yes, Jesse, just because we are sharing a bed doesn’t mean you can’t disagree with me.’</p><p>‘Good,’ Jesse returned.  ‘Maybe we have a rule that whatever goes on in the lab, in our day job, never comes home,’ Jesse suggested.</p><p>‘Sounds a good plan,’ Walt agreed, enjoying the closeness of Jesse and the fact the young man was talking about a future that featured them being exactly this, in each other’s arms, it was more than he could have ever hoped for when he first started thinking about it.</p><p>‘Would you come with me when I see my parents?’ Jesse then asked.</p><p>Walt frowned.  ‘Do you think that’s a good idea?’</p><p>‘Seeing my parents or taking you with me?’ Jesse checked.</p><p>‘Well, both, I guess,’ Walt returned.  ‘Jesse, I know you have questions, and that your parents have a lot to answer for, but is now really the time?’</p><p>‘I just need to understand what’s in my head,’ Jesse responded.  ‘I think there’s more that I’ve either forgotten or maybe just never knew, that might will just give me some better peace about this all.’</p><p>‘Has this come from the session today?’ Walt asked.</p><p>‘A little yeah,’ Jesse sighed.  ‘Carmichael was my shrink after I was attacked ten years ago.’</p><p>That got Walt’s attention as he shifted slightly to look at Jesse. ‘Did you know this before?’</p><p>‘No, when we were talking today it triggered a new memory when he said something that reminded me,’ Jesse shrugged.</p><p>‘So, this shrink already knows you, your background, and what happened?’ Walt checked.  ‘That sounds a little convenient, that he’s the guy who saw you in Mexico, at this time.’</p><p>‘Yeah, I know,’ Jesse frowned.  ‘He was the one who told Gus about Del Burley and me.’</p><p>‘I don’t like the sound of this Jesse,’ Walt stated.  ‘A man in his position needs to be trusted and him speaking to Gus about you and what you endured, confidential stuff, being involved in whatever happened ten years ago, it just doesn’t sit right with me.’</p><p>‘I’m not sure I want to see him again,’ Jesse admitted.</p><p>‘I don’t think you should,’ Walt agreed. ‘I’m sure we can find you a better shrink if you still feel you need it.’</p><p>‘Talking to you helps,’ Jesse simply said, and snuggled more into Walt’s hold.  They were silent for a moment, but Jesse was in turmoil, he desperately wanted to tell Walt about Del’s ambush earlier, but he wasn’t sure how Walt would take it, would he feel threatened, hurt that Jesse kissed him, submitted to the supposed big bad so easily?</p><p>‘Are you ok, Jesse?’ Walt spoke up, as if sensing Jesse’s turmoil.</p><p>Jesse took a deep breath, and he knew he might regret his next words, but he couldn’t stay silent and he really needed to talk.  ‘Do you trust me?’</p><p>‘Trust you?’ Walt checked. ‘Of course.’</p><p>‘I need you to understand that I’m not in a good place right now, my head is messing me up and my memories are still working themselves out, ok?’ Jesse began.</p><p>‘What’s wrong?’ Walt asked, sounding concerned.</p><p>‘I don’t want you to hate me, but I can’t keep this from you, but I know you’re going to hate me, or think I’m pathetic,’ Jesse stressed, it really wasn’t as easy as he’d hoped.</p><p>Walt pushed Jesse to a sitting position so he could look at him, and they both now faced each other sat in the bed.  Jesse knew he looked a mess already, his stupid emotions overtaking him, and his eyes were wet before he hastily wiped them.</p><p>‘Please Mr White, don’t hate me,’ Jesse pleaded.</p><p>‘What is wrong, Jesse? Why would I hate you? What’s happened?’ Walt asked, more concerned than ever as he reached out a hand to comfort Jesse.</p><p>‘Del was at Carmichael’s office,’ Jesse revealed.</p><p>‘Burley?  You saw Del Burley?’ Walt checked and Jesse numbly nodded his head. ‘Was this planned, did you know?’</p><p>‘No, man, It was a shock, Mr White, I wasn’t expecting it and it shook me up, by just being there and shit,’ Jesse stressed.  ‘I would have told you there and then when I got back to the car, but it was almost like it wasn’t real, I don’t know, I’m still processing.’</p><p>‘Is this why you wanted me to stay?’ Walt checked and Jesse nodded his head again.</p><p>‘He knows where I live, he knew Gus visited this morning,’ Jesse recalled.</p><p>‘We should get you away from here, just to get some distance, get an advantage,’ Walt suggested.</p><p>Jesse wiped his eyes again.  ‘Oh, man, I’m so confused,’ Jesse admitted almost breaking down.</p><p>‘Jesse?’ Walt grabbed Jesse, he needed to get him to stay focused.  ‘Look at me, what’s wrong?’</p><p>‘Everything I used to feel, how I used to feel it all came back, Mr White,’ Jesse felt hysterical now.  ‘He kissed me and I,’ Jesse closed his eyes in shame. ‘I kissed him back, it felt so natural, everything felt so right, and I don’t know, Mr White, I don’t know what any of this means.’</p><p>Walt couldn’t hide the surprise, the shock as he let the words sink in and he only realised he had let go of Jesse when he heard the young man repeating his name.</p><p>‘Mr White, please, I don’t know what is going on, please don’t hate me,’ Jesse sounded hysterical, his sobs now out of control and Walt quickly snapped his attention back to Jesse.</p><p>Walt gathered Jesse up into a big embrace, he vowed to protect the boy, to be there for him and he was not going to fail him at the first hurdle they faced.  The situation had become a lot more serious, and Walt was genuinely frightened for Jesse in his current state.  ‘Ok, Jesse, just calm down, ok, I don’t hate you, I want to help, we can work this out ok?’</p><p>‘Ok,’ Jesse sobbed into Walt’s shoulder.</p><p>‘You obviously still have deep embedded feelings for Burley that have been awakened, or resurrected or something, he’s playing on those old tricks he must have used on you as a kid,’ Walt tried to figure out.</p><p>‘He never hurt me, we only had fun, he saved me,’ Jesse offered.</p><p>‘Saved you?’ Walt checked.</p><p>‘Before he met me, I was thinking of killing myself,’ Jesse admitted between sniffs.</p><p>‘What?’ Walt questioned.</p><p>‘I hated my parents, my life, the fact I was so stupid at school, a failure,’ Jesse revealed.</p><p>‘You were not stupid,’ Walt insisted.</p><p>‘You failed me, Mr White, because I was too stupid for your class,’ Jesse reminded him.</p><p>‘Hey, no,’ Walt pushed Jesse back so he could see him.  ‘I kept telling you to apply yourself, I knew you had it in you but something was stopping you reaching your potential, ok, I didn’t fail you for being stupid, ok?’</p><p>‘Same difference,’ Jesse looked distraught.</p><p>‘Jesse, you said yourself you’d been drugged by your parents, whatever they gave you hindered you rather than helped, correct?’ Walt suggested. ‘Maybe if they hadn’t given you that you’d of had the savvy to pass my class?  Come on Jesse, you’ve proven beyond doubt now that you do have the capacity for chemistry, remember what you do now, hey?’ Walt encouraged.  ’96.2% is not a failure in chemistry.’</p><p>Jesse found a small smile. ‘I guess,’ he sighed, and rubbed his face. ‘Del said my parents, my dad was the true bad guy or something, that I needed to find out the truth,’ Jesse said a little calmer now, as he wiped his eyes again.</p><p>‘So, it was Del Burley that put the notion in your head to visit your parents?’ Walt checked.</p><p>‘Both him and Carmichael,’ Jesse corrected.</p><p>‘Sounds to me like they have an agenda,’ Walt offered.  ‘Del likely deflecting his own crimes to shine a light on equally bad crimes, when both were just as bad.’</p><p>Jesse narrowed his eyes.  ‘You might be right,’ Jesse agreed.  ‘I think there is something in seeing them, to ask more questions now I remember shit.’</p><p>‘But maybe not tomorrow or so soon?’ Walt suggested.</p><p>‘Do you hate me for kissing Del?’ Jesse asked.</p><p>‘No, Jesse, I don’t hate you, just like I didn’t hate you for having sex with some women you met for the first time in ten years earlier,’ Walt grinned. </p><p>‘Shit, you’re right, I didn’t even think of that in the same way,’ Jesse realised.</p><p>‘I don’t own you, Jesse, you’re free to do what you want with whom you want, I only ask that there never be secrets, so thank you for telling me about Del Burley, that means a lot that you felt I should know,’ Walt admitted.  ‘I can’t deny I’m not concerned, but not because of me, because of you Jesse, this hold he may have on you, that is genuinely a worry.’</p><p>‘I know, it scares me too, I can’t seem to hate him, and I don’t know why,’ Jesse frowned.</p><p>Walt reached for Jesse and they both lay down again, with Walt putting his arms around Jesse in a protective manner.  ‘Let’s get some rest now, we’ll figure this out in the morning.’</p><p>For a few minutes they both lay there, just relaxing until Jesse decided he wanted to demonstrate to Mr White that he was totally into whatever this was between them.</p><p>He felt Mr White react as his hand brushed against his Y-Fronts, Jesse felt the outline of Walt’s dick and was surprised by how excited it made him feel to be teasing Mr White in this way, briefly remembering his time pleasuring Stefan in Mexico, and he had brief memories of some times with Del Burley but he quickly dismissed those, trying to not dwell on that as he made his movements more intense for Mr White.</p><p>‘Jesse,’ Mr White simply said in response.</p><p>‘Shhh, I want to do this, let me,’ Jesse simply said, as he adjusted his body to straddle Mr White now, he leaned forward and kissed Walt’s lips, pushing his tongue inside and exploring his mouth.  His hand continued to rub Mr White through the white material.  Jesse let his groin drop against Mr White’s and he began to move against him, enjoying the friction finding himself going hard in response and feeling Walt reacting likewise.</p><p>Jesse broke the kiss and wasted no time moving down Mr White’s body, taking the waistband and freeing Mr White’s cock, he licked the head, tasting the pre-cum and took it into his mouth.  He felt Mr White tense, and enjoyed the sensation of having Walter White at his mercy, as he began to take more and more of his dick feeling it hitting the back of his throat.  Mr White’s hands then grabbed the sides of Jesse’s head, and Jesse relaxed, allowing Mr White to take control.</p><p>The urgency increased as Jesse focused on breathing when he was able, as Mr White thrust his groin upwards, Jesse then felt Mr White pulling his head off of his cock, as he sat up and kissed Jesse with passion.</p><p>‘Jesse, can I fuck you?’ Walter asked breathlessly into Jesse’s ear.</p><p>‘Yeah,’ Jesse simply answered lost in the moment, and found himself on his back, as Mr White got on top, yanking Jesse’s boxers down.  Jesse squirmed as he felt a finger roughly enter him, and he took a deep breath. ‘Mr White, top drawer, left side.’</p><p>Jesse caught his breath for a moment as Mr White scurried to the drawer and retrieved a tube of lube, and in seconds Jesse felt two fingers freshly lubricated enter him.  He battled his instincts to relax and suddenly felt a rush of sensations as Mr White hit his prostate and Jesse rode the wave of intensity.  Once he gathered his senses again, he realised that Mr White was lining himself up and Jesse let his head fall back as the cock head pushed through his barrier.</p><p>It took Jesse a few seconds to adjust, and then get use to the pain but soon it lessened as Mr White took care to move in and out, allowing Jesse to get use to the movement.  Both breathing heavily, Walter looked down at Jesse, seeing an expression that made him smile.  He leaned down and lightly began to kiss Jesse again, this was all so new to him, but he was enjoying the discovery.  Walt then grabbed Jesse’s cock and began to pump it in rhythm with his thrusts.  Walt sat back up taking hold of Jesse’s thigh with his other hand, as he sped up his attentions, below him Jesse was sprawled on the bed, arms out wide as his complete mercy, as Walt was close and Jesse likewise with Walt’s hand pumping him faster.</p><p>The release came suddenly, as both men climaxed and froze as they both rode the eruptions in unison before Walt collapsed down onto Jesse.  Their sweaty bodies trying to suck in as much oxygen as they could before they slowly recovered in each other’s arms.</p><p>Walt stroked the side of Jesse’s face, no words seemed to be needed as they lay together, the aftermath agreeing with both of them as Jesse finally opened his eyes and looked at Walt, enjoying the attentions the older man was giving him.</p><p>‘So, you think this thing could be something now?’ Jesse wearily asked, his hand idly stroking Walt’s chest.</p><p>‘Jesse,’ Walt simply said, his hand still tracing Jesse’s face. ‘If you’ll have me, I’ll be yours.’</p><p>Jesse reached forward and kissed Walt before answering. ‘I need you, Mr White.’</p><p>‘An old man like me?’ Walt checked with a smile.  ‘You could have anyone.’</p><p>‘I’m tired of being anyones,’ Jesse returned.  ‘Can I have one thing?’</p><p>‘You can have anything you want, Jesse,’ Walt teased.</p><p>‘Seriously, can I just ask one thing?’ Jesse asked, looking directly at Walt.</p><p>‘Sure, of course, what is it?’ Walt asked.</p><p>‘Can I still see other people, women in particular?’ Jesse asked. ‘I’m not sure I’m ready to go full time gay just yet, you know?’</p><p>Walt smiled knowingly. ‘I’m still technically married so it would be a bit rich for me to say no,’ he smiled. ‘Look, let’s not complicate what this is, it’s still early days and let’s not forget you had sex with a woman earlier today, and I was absolutely cool about that,’ he gestured. ‘If anything, my only concern is your apparent libido and if I can keep up,’ he teased.</p><p>‘I’m absolutely shattered,’ Jesse admitted.</p><p>‘You came to bed to sleep, I was just going to cuddle, you were the one who took things further,’ Walt defended.</p><p>‘I know,’ Jesse smiled and scooted up beside Mr White. ‘Maybe I find it hard to control myself around you now, you’ve ignited this old man kink I never knew I had,’ he added mockingly, nuzzling his face into Walt’s neck.</p><p>‘Go to sleep, you’re delirious,’ Walt remarked, and pretty soon they both settled down.</p><hr/><p>Hank Shrader looked at the files on his desk, all dated from the previous year and related to Heisenberg.  He had spent most of the afternoon since seeing Jesse Pinkman back in town, in the flesh, going over all suspected Heisenberg incidents and trying to find that missing detail that a Pinkman might be able to fill in.  He needed something tangible to connect Pinkman, knowing the word of Del Burley alone wouldn’t be enough.</p><p>He picked out the file that he felt closely linked Pinkman to unsolved mysteries.  He had driven out to some remote location, trying to find his missing brother-in-law, but instead stumbled upon Tuco Salamanca whom he had shot dead in self-defence.  The man died in the shadow on a car owned by Jesse Pinkman, containing a stack of cash, that could have only been drug related.  They had found Pinkman a day or so later at the crossroads, shacked up with some meth head prostitute, and he was all mouth about how his car had been stolen and he’d been with the deadbeat woman all weekend.</p><p>At the time Hank had not believed a word of it, he needed a better explanation than Tuco stole my shit stain car.  Tuco had just started pushing the crystal meth, in fact he seemed to be the first distributor of the blue variety by all accounts, and he was already wounded before Hank had finished him.  What if Heisenberg had been there, and in turn Jesse.  Hank should never have come across that scene, he had been trying to find Jesse in the hope the kid could lead him to Walter. It had been a huge long shot, but instead it had revealed a link between Jesse Pinkman and the harder side of the drugs trade and Hank now kicked himself that he didn’t push Pinkman further at the time.</p><p>Pinkman had no right even being in the same world as Tuco Salamanca, the two men were poles apart in Hank’s understanding of the drug hierarchy.  Jesse was a shit stain street level pusher at best, second or even third tier in the grand scheme of things.  Hank admitted to himself that he always saw Jesse Pinkman as a wannabe, a dropout idiot who was desperate to be accepted on the street.  His sudden relationship with Walter White, that whole teacher student bond however had helped Hank to realise it goes much deeper, that in fact Jesse was a victim of society.  What happened to him as a teenager physically made Hank feel sick, and his parents were douchbags of the highest order that made Hank angry on the kid’s behalf.</p><p>Hank looked at the photos of Jesse’s car, riddled with bullets and only good for scrap and it actually made him feel sad.  That car probably represented something the kid had worked on, had made his own and it got destroyed just like everything else in his life.  He glanced at the interview he conducted with Pinkman, maybe he had just seen what was on the surface with the kid, ignorant of what the shit stain had been through in his life that led him to being caught up in business he should never be messed up in.</p><p>That case, and the one with the RV that mysteriously disappeared once Hank let it out his sight, were the only two things that he could potentially link Jesse to suggest his darker involvement in the whole drugs trade.  Was Jesse really in league with Heisenberg?</p><p>Hank rubbed his face he didn’t want to believe it and he could find nothing substantial to really build a case.  Still Jesse Pinkman played on his mind, not so much to find out of it was true, but more because that poor kid needed something, he just didn’t know what.</p><p>Hank’s phone then rang and with raised eyebrows, Hank answered.</p><p>‘Mr Burley,’ Hank answered.</p><p>‘Please, call me Del,’ Burley responded. </p><p>‘If you insist, how can I help you?’ Hank asked.</p><p>There was the sound of a deep breath being taken before Del spoke.  ‘I gave you some information I believed to be true, a couple of weeks ago or so.’</p><p>‘The Jesse Pinkman Heisenberg revelation?’ Hank guessed.</p><p>‘I’m so embarrassed,’ Del began but Hank cut him off.</p><p>‘I’m already ahead of you there,’ Hank stated.  ‘There is no strong link with Jesse and Heisenberg that I can find, it’s already dismissed,’ Hank lied, but felt he was pretty much already there.</p><p>‘Oh, thank god, I was so worried you might have put a lot of effort into it,’ Del lied.  ‘My contact who had been so assured when he told me, turns out he got the wrong guy, a serious case of Chinese whispers that got severely out of hand, a misunderstanding.’</p><p>‘It happens, sometimes it works in our favour, other times it’s a wild goose running about, I appreciate you taking the time to tell me your error,’ Hank confirmed then had a thought.  ‘But I’m glad you called, because Jesse Pinkman is still someone of interest to me.’</p><p>‘Oh?’ Del tried to sound calm.</p><p>‘Yeah, listen, the kid’s history is pretty tough, even before he met your son,’ Hank revealed.  ‘Seems he just attracts trouble but looking at the things he’s endured I want to try and help him.’</p><p>‘Help him?’ Del repeated unsure.</p><p>‘Look, what your son did to that kid is just the tip of the iceberg, I can’t reveal too much but seems in his teenage years he was abused by an older man, his parents just don’t seem to care and well I read that you had taken a back seat from public life, have more time on your hands,’ Hank continued. ‘Look, the kid needs a break, a mentor maybe, is there anything you can think of that we could do as a sort of program or sponsorship to maybe help the kid get back on track with life?’</p><p>Del couldn’t believe his ears but made appropriate noises.  ‘You’d like me to help Jesse Pinkman, in an official capacity?’</p><p>‘You’re a leading businessman, a known public figure, it could be great PR for your new role in life and could help Pinkman get off the streets and make an honest living,’ Hank explained.</p><p>‘I think in light of what my son did to him, that sounds like something worth exploring,’ Del enthused.  ‘I’m sure a program or something that can support and nuture him, where the system failed him before, would be a much better outlet for him that time inside the prison program.’</p><p>‘I agree,’ Hank said with passion.  ‘I really need something positive on my own record in relation to Pinkman, in light of my own history with the kid, so maybe together we can heal more than a few wounds.’</p><p>‘Let’s meet up to discuss options and ideas,’ Del suggested.  ‘With my new found freedom, I can do first thing tomorrow if that’s convenient?’</p><p>‘Meet me at the DEA offices and we can do breakfast, I’ll be in from 8am,’ Hank agreed.</p><p>Del Burley finished the call, he was sat in his car at the far end of the Los Pollos chicken restaurant observing Gus Fring in his natural habitat.  He had been sat there since leaving Carmichaels office’s flushed with success, but he wasn’t expecting to see Heisenberg roll up in his reported hat and sunglasses, he knew he wasn’t going to learn a thing from Gus’s cover role, so started the engine of his car.</p><p>Hank Schrader however may have given him Jesse Pinkman in his lap, and that sounded a far better prospect to him right now than trying to uncover Heisenberg via Gus Fring.  He lingered on the memory of that kiss, the kiss that Jesse himself had engaged in, and it was all Del had needed.  Jesse Pinkman would be his again very soon, he was no longer under any illusions about that fact.</p><hr/><p>Walter White had been sound asleep when he felt himself being jostled, enough to snap him alert and become aware that he was in a bed that wasn’t his own, a few moments later he remembered it was Jesse Pinkman’s bed and it was his hand shaking him awake tiredly.</p><p>‘Jesse?’ Walt mumbled as he woke up.</p><p>‘I don’t feel well, Mr White,’ Jesse slurred.</p><p>Walt sat up quickly, snapping his attention to Jesse in the darkness of the room.  He quickly turned on the light on the side table and looked at the young man.  Jesse looked flush, a thin layer of sweat covered him, his breathing was ragged and his head rolling.</p><p>Mr White placed a hand against the boy’s forehead and realised he was burning up.  ‘You have a fever,’ he confirmed and jumped out of bed, quickly retrieving his clothes and hastily putting them on before moving to the bathroom to get a damp cold cloth and returning to Jesse’s side, placing the cloth on his forehead.</p><p>‘Are you still with me?’ Walt asked.</p><p>‘Yeah,’ Jesse mumbled.  ‘Feel like shit, my back in killing me.’</p><p>Walt gently moved Jesse onto his side and saw the worst of the wounds was inflamed and felt a sudden guilt that their earlier actions might have aggravated it, causing it to open and become infected.</p><p>‘I’m going to call Mike, get him to get his guy to come over, you need some antibiotics, that wound on your back needs proper attention,’ Walt fussed and Jesse just mumbled an agreement.</p><p>Walt retrieved his phone from his discarded coat, and he dialled Mike’s number.</p><hr/><p>‘So, tell me again what happened,’ Mike asked, he was stood with Walter White in Jesse’s living room.</p><p>‘I was down here napping on the couch, having stayed with Jesse as I hadn’t been sure when the twenty-four hour period was up with his head watch, and I heard him crying out, and found him like he is upstairs,’ Walt lied.</p><p>‘Did he show any signs of getting sick before he retired to bed?’ Mike asked.</p><p>‘None, he was full of energy,’ Walt offered.  ‘Those wounds on his back have not been healing well, as you must know, Jesse said you’ve added the crème to them as well, yes?’</p><p>‘Yes, and I agree, it was getting more concerning that they seemed unable to heal,’ Mike agreed.</p><p>‘He keeps aggravating them, it seems,’ Walt added innocently.</p><p>There was a sound from the top of the stairs and both men looked up to see the doctor, Kevin, getting their attention.  ‘Mike, can I have a quick word, about next steps?’</p><p>‘Sure,’ Mike agreed and saw Walt retake a seat on the futon.</p><p>When Mike got to the top of the stairs Kevin took his arm and led him into the spare room, he took care to close the door.</p><p>‘I have concerns,’ Kevin whispered urgently.</p><p>‘Is Jesse ok?’ Mike asked concerned suddenly.</p><p>‘He’ll be fine, it is just a fever from an infected wound, should pass within a day with antibiotics,’ Kevin dismissed.</p><p>‘So, what’s the problem?’ Mike asked.</p><p>‘You know I treated Mr Pinkman after his attacks by that Grant guy?’ Kevin saw Mike nod. ‘Well, I believe Jesse is still being abused.’</p><p>‘But Grant is dead,’ Mike stated.  ‘Now I believe he was attacked a couple of times in Mexico, so we are aware of that.’</p><p>‘No, this is much more recent, I would say the last twelve hours recent,’ Kevin revealed.  ‘The bedding reeks of it, and the evidence is literally still on Jesse, he has a hickey for a start,’ Kevin noted.</p><p>‘But he’s only seen Walter White in that time,’ Mike stated.</p><p>‘The wound being reopened happened in his bed, there are blood traces, someone did something to Jesse that reopened that wound that let an infection develop,’ Kevin stated.  ‘I took the liberty to examine Jesse whilst he was out, the evidence is all there and knowing how badly the abuse affected him last time I’m concerned that he’s caught in a cycle, he might even think he needs it.’</p><p>‘Are you saying that Walter White has sexually assaulted Jesse Pinkman?’ Mike asked plainly.</p><p>‘That is my belief, unless I don’t know, they are in a consensual relationship,’ Kevin shrugged.</p><p>‘Pinkman and White?’ Mike scoffed.</p><p>Kevin shrugged. ‘I don’t know them as well as you, but I’ve seen how close Walter White can be with Jesse, and he claimed he was sleeping downstairs but that futon does not look like it was slept on recently, however Jesse’s bed looks very much like two people recently slept in it.’</p><p>‘Ok, let me have words,’ Mike frowned and made his way back down the stairs.</p><p>Mike walked down the stairs and saw Walt stand up, without warning he slammed a fist into Walter’s face sending him backwards and down to the floor in a heap.  He stood over the man, as he regained his senses.</p><p>‘What the hell?’ Walt snapped, his hand going to his mouth where blood was visible.</p><p>‘Get out,’ Mike ordered.  ‘I want you to leave this house, get in your car, go home to your wife and family, and only once I have calmed down do I expect to talk to you for whatever explanation you might have.’</p><p>Walt stared at Mike, before getting back to his feet cautious of not getting too close to Mike.  ‘Whatever you think this is, you’re wrong.’</p><p>‘Get out of my sight,’ Mike repeated.</p><p>‘Fine, I’m going,’ Walt said clearly shaken, and concerned by Mike’s anger. ‘But the next time we speak I want an apology,’ Walt stressed, he had half an idea about why Mike had got so wound up, wishing he had taken a bit of time to clean Jesse  and the bed up but he had been so worried about his sudden sickness it hadn’t been a priority. ‘Just tell me Jesse is ok,’ Walt asked.</p><p>‘The boy will be ok with rest and medication,’ Mike confirmed and with a final glance at Mike, who’s face was still full of rage, Walt left Jesse’s house and headed home.</p><p>Mike returned upstairs and went to see Jesse, he was sound asleep now, but the fever seemed to be losing to whatever drugs Kevin had given him.</p><p>‘I’ll sort out a safe house for Jesse tonight, he can’t stay here,’ Mike stated, and dialled a number.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>Hope you are enjoying so far... really enjoyed this chapter, was a little satisfying just having Mike ask no questions lol (not saying I agree with his reaction but it was fun to write!)<br/>Was Mike right?  Or do you think Walt deserved a chance to explain?  Does Jesse get a say?  Will Jesse ever get a break? lol</p>
        </blockquote></div></div>
<a name="section0006"><h2>6. Safe House?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Del ramps up plans with Hank whilst Jesse freaks out in the safe house...</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Del Burley was wearing his most expensive business suit, accompanied by accessories that probably cost the same as the DEA Agents surrounding him earned in six months if not more.  Del knew he had the charm to survive any situation and so far, he could sense that people were aware he was in the building with the glances and sideway looks he was getting as he followed Hank Schrader to his office.</p><p>‘Thank you for coming in, Mr Burley, it really is an honour,’ Hank enthused.</p><p>‘Absolute pleasure,’ Del accepted the seat offered.  ‘And I want to start off by saying I absolutely condone the actions of my son, as sad as I am in mourning him I was acutely aware of his failings and if I had had the chance I would have ensured he faced justice for his crimes.’</p><p>‘That’s good to know, I did want to briefly discuss the incidents around that, if that’s ok,’ Hank seemed relieved that Del had been first to mention it.  ‘When I spoke to young Jesse Pinkman he mentioned he did meet with you, is that correct?’</p><p>‘He did, the poor boy was clearly traumatised by everything, but at the time I was only just beginning to learn the true nature of what was my boys obsession with him was, it’s alarming what has come to light in the weeks since, and I can only thank you for giving me this potential opportunity to make amends,’ Del smiled, his words were having the desired effect to deflect any grey areas that might still exist after Jesse’s little stunt in talking to the DEA about Grant.</p><p>‘Well, I’m not a parent myself but I can certainly imagine it must be one of the most difficult jobs,’ Hank offered.</p><p>‘Made harder when you only find out you have a son when he’s already deep into his teen years, after losing his mother,’ Del frowned, guessing a bit of sympathy wouldn’t go amiss.</p><p>‘Of course, of course,’ Hank agreed. ‘But you are not here for questioning, we’re here to discuss some positive community action,’ Hank smiled.</p><p>‘I really hope I am able to help,’ Del agreed.  ‘I have been thinking about Jesse Pinkman in particular and wondered what your thoughts would be if I were to offer him a full internship with my yet to be announced new venture, it’s something new, exciting, and a chance for Jesse to really flourish as the company grows.’</p><p>‘Sounds interesting, maybe we promote it as Jesse being the first candidate in a new scheme, will help me to gain more support if it’s seen as a long term thing, where you take on candidates maybe on an annual basis, and Jesse will be the trailblazer?’ Hank suggested.</p><p>‘That exactly what I was trying to say, you put it very well, trailblazer,’ Del smiled, seeing Hank perk up at the fake praise.</p><p>‘Ok, so I can look to push this through as a community scheme, we can take Jesse Pinkman to be the poster boy for it, he’s a good candidate being known to the DEA, known addictions, basically the shit stain ticks the boxes I need to tick to show how this office is helping young offenders and addicts in the community,’ Hank smiled broadly.</p><p>‘I have taken the liberty to put a quick document together, forgive the simpleness of it, I no longer have departments at my beck and call, so I did this quickly last night,’ Del produced a couple of sheets of paper, outlining his plan.</p><p>‘Amazing,’ Hank happily took the paper from him.</p><p>‘So, what would be the next steps? I’m keen to get moving on this as it’s interesting times with my new project so would be keen to hook Jesse up sooner rather than later,’ Del asked.</p><p>‘Well, I’m sure I can get this passed fairly quickly as they’ve been on my case for a few weeks now to nominate a community scheme,’ Hank offered. ‘Then it’s a case of informing Jesse he’s been given this opportunity and taking it from there.’</p><p>‘Do you think he will take part?’ Del asked.</p><p>‘Obviously there is always a chance Pinkman could reject or pass on the opportunity, but my brother-in-law has a good relationship with the kid, used to be his teacher, so I’m confident we can get this all in place fairly soon,’ Hank enthused.</p><p>‘Fantastic,’ Del grinned.</p><hr/><p>Jesse felt groggy as awareness hit him, and he immediately knew he wasn’t where he expected to be. Fresh linen, different bed and the room was light and airy.  He sat up in a panic and looked around, lifting the covers briefly to double check and found he now had pyjama bottoms on that were not his.  He felt a little sick to the stomach, not sure if it was the lingering illness he felt or the fact that he was unsure how he had got into this bed, or who had dressed him.</p><p>Springing out of bed, Jesse stopped suddenly as the room swam around him, and he stumbled into the side cabinet before finding his balance.</p><p>The door to the room opened and Mike hurried in.  ‘Kid, get back into bed,’ Mike ordered.</p><p>‘Mike,’ Jesse showed his confusion. ‘Where am I?’</p><p>‘You’re safe now, just get back into bed and rest, you’re still sick,’ Mike insisted and gestured to Jesse to return, clearly ready to force the issue if Jesse didn’t move.</p><p>Jesse relaxed with a frown and returned to the bed, opting to sit cross legged and sitting up.  ‘What am I doing here? Why did I need to be safe?’ Jesse asked tiredly rubbing his face.</p><p>‘Look, kid,’ Mike began and took the seat that was near to the bed.  ‘Things are messed up in that head of yours and you need protecting until you can work it all out.’</p><p>‘Yeah well, word of advice, yo, waking up in a strange place, in a new bed and discovering someone has dressed you whilst unconscious doesn’t help my messed-up head, ok?’</p><p>‘Unfortunately, I felt it was necessary,’ Mike stated. ‘I dressed you if that helps?’</p><p>Jesse was sort of ok with Mike, but he still wasn’t happy with the situation. ‘Why was it necessary?’ Jesse asked. ‘I was ok at home.’</p><p>‘We will talk once you’re better, you should rest now,’ Mike got back to his feet.</p><p>‘We can talk now, yo, I’m fine,’ Jesse wasn’t liking being kept in the dark or being treated like he was fragile.  Mike rolled his eyes and moved to the door and signalled to someone, a few seconds later Carmichael walked in.  ‘What the fuck is this, why is he here?’ Jesse demanded.</p><p>‘Jesse, if you want to talk, this is your man, and you do need to talk things through and get that head sorted,’ Mike stated.</p><p>‘Not with that jerk I don’t,’ Jesse snapped, and Carmichael and Mike just exchanged frowns. ‘Hey, I’m not crazy, don’t be doing that eye thing, yo,’ Jesse argued.  ‘Carmichael is working with Del Burley, did he mention that, huh, Mike?’</p><p>‘He’s explained everything, he told us you’d react like this, but everything is fine,’ Mike returned and left the room, so only Carmichael remained with Jesse.</p><p>‘Jesse, I can explain,’ Carmichael spoke up once Mike had left.</p><p>‘Not interested, you set me up, arsehole,’ Jesse sneered.  ‘How am I supposed to trust you, when you go running to Burley or tell Gus everything about me?’</p><p>‘Jesse, that is not true,’ Carmichael insisted and sat down in the chair.  ‘I can help you, Jesse, all I’ve ever wanted to do is help you.  The fact you are surrounded by psycho’s is not my fault, but I can still help you, maybe free you from this mad existence you have.’</p><p>‘You work for both Gus and Del Burley, and you want me to trust you?’ Jesse questioned again, with narrowed eyes.</p><p>‘Don’t you work for Gus too?’ Carmichael asked.</p><p>‘By default, not by choice,’ Jesse crossed his arms.</p><p>‘Ah, you work for Heisenberg, correct?’ Carmichael asked.</p><p>‘I am so not talking about that,’ Jesse looked away.</p><p>‘Jesse, you were brought here because it was suspected that you are still being abused,’ Carmichael then stated.</p><p>‘What?’ Jesse asked with confusion.</p><p>‘From what I understand you are friendly with your ex-chemistry teacher, from high school, correct? A Mr White?’ Carmichael asked.</p><p>Jesse stared at the shrink, so it was clear that Carmichael had not been told who Mr White was, that he was Heisenberg, Jesse considered and took a deep breath.  He already knew where this was going, and it was not going to look good no matter how it was worded.</p><p>‘I’m not talking about this either,’ Jesse rubbed his face.  ‘I just don’t want to talk period, ok?’</p><p>‘Jesse, let me help you,’ Carmichael stated.  ‘If someone is still abusing you, we need to understand why you find yourself in this position with certain men.’</p><p>‘No one is abusing me, yo, jesus,’ Jesse returned with frustration as he looked upwards.  ‘I’m not a kid anymore, what the hell does it matter, I can have relations with people and not have to answer to it.’</p><p>‘I understand the man is twice your age, and coming off the back of an intense period of assaults you have suffered recently, we need to ensure you are engaging in activities for the right reasons,’ Carmichael offered.  ‘How are you feeling about yourself at the moment?’</p><p>Jesse sighed and then shrugged. ‘Ok, I guess.’</p><p>‘Do you like yourself?’</p><p>‘Please, I really don’t want to do this,’ Jesse whined but when Carmichael didn’t say anything, he felt the pressure to speak. ‘No, I’m too weak, I’m an idiot, and a pushover, ok? Happy? Is that what you want to hear?’</p><p>‘I think you’re the strongest person I know,’ Carmichael noted.</p><p>‘Great, does that mean you want to fuck me too?’ Jesse hid his face in his hands, not entirely sure where that comment had come from.</p><p>‘Is that how you see yourself, as people’s playthings?’</p><p>‘No, but it’s how others see me, clearly,’ Jesse sighed.</p><p>‘Did you consent to Mr White abusing you?’ Carmichael then asked.</p><p>‘He didn’t abuse me, yo,’ Jesse fell back onto the bed.  ‘Why do you use that term? And what the fuck has it to do with you?’</p><p>‘Jesse, the timing of these relations are concerning, you must realise this, I understand you have not been intimate with this gentleman before, when did it start?’ Carmichael pushed.</p><p>‘I don’t have to tell you jack shit, ok?’ Jesse turned over in his bed, so his back was now facing Carmichael.</p><p>‘Wow, they really did a number on your back,’ Carmichael observed for the first time.</p><p>‘Maybe when you next speak to your pal Del you can discuss the fine art of torturing people,’ Jesse returned, still facing away from him before he snapped his attention back to Carmichael. ‘Oh, and whilst we on that topic did you know he kissed me yesterday, in your office, you talk about abuse and you let that situation happen in your own office?’ Jesse stressed with anger.</p><p>‘Jesse,’ Carmichael sighed.  ‘I had no choice, they have too much on me.’</p><p>Jesse glared at Carmichael.  ‘So, if Del asks you where I am, and threatens you?’ Carmichael noticeably flinched and sat back. ‘Just go, ok, you can’t help me.’</p><p>‘Jesse, please, I can help you work this all out,’ Carmichael insisted.</p><p>‘Maybe you can but at what cost? You telling Del where to find me again, like yesterday?’ Jesse accused.</p><p>‘He already knows,’ Carmichael admitted.</p><p>Jesse just shook his head in disbelief. ‘Does Mike know this?’ Jesse then asked.</p><p>‘No,’ Carmichael admitted.  ‘Del told me to ask you to call him, he said he gave you his car and that he can get you away from here, someplace safer.’</p><p>Jesse sat up again.  ‘And you’re seriously passing on that message to me? Whilst at the same time questioning my relationship with a man you don’t even know, is this for real? I’m already someplace safe, it’s only because of you that it no longer is, genius.’</p><p>Carmichael seemed at odds.</p><p>‘Look, you’re right, there’s a lot going on inside my head that I need to work out, but I really don’t think you’re in a position to help me, your compromised, too close, man,’ Jesse admitted.</p><p>‘I spoke to the younger you, before, during, and after you lost your mind before,’ Carmichael stated.  ‘I saw what was happening around you, the cogs that turned to both protect you and hide you.  That made me a risk, a liability, that both Del Burley and your father silenced me with court orders on that to be honest are still in effect, I’m risking everything but I feel I owe you this much,’ Carmichael pleaded.</p><p>‘Del Burley knows you are talking to me, so why isn’t he suing you then?’ Jesse asked.</p><p>‘Because whilst I still have this contact with you I’m useful to him, he wants to fix things, he’s worried about you,’ Carmichael stated.</p><p>Jesse scoffed at that, shaking his head.  ‘You’re still his puppet, just get out,’ Jesse stated.</p><p>‘If that’s what you want but remember what I said about seeking out the truth, with your parents,’ Carmichael offered.  ‘You need to do that, Jesse, trust me.’</p><p>‘Me, trust you?’ Jesse checked, then smirked.  ‘I know I’m sick but I’m not stupid, yo, deflecting the blame onto my parents won’t work with me.’</p><p>‘Please, Jesse,’ Carmichael moved towards the door.  ‘I’ll go now but know that all you have to do is call and I’ll make time to talk to you, I promise.’</p><p>Jesse watched Carmichael leave and wasn’t sure how to feel, if things were not already confusing enough, he now had some dumb fuck caring shrink that was playing both sides.</p><p>Jesse covered his face with his hands, he wanted to scream and shout but wasn’t sure what that would achieve.  He heard the door open again and saw Mike step back into the room, he quietly moved to the seat and sat down.</p><p>‘What?’ Jesse asked when the older man didn’t speak immediately.</p><p>‘What’s going on with you kid?’ Mike finally asked.</p><p>Jesse sighed and let his hands drop down by his side again, looking up at the ceiling.  ‘If you mean about Mr White I don’t want to talk about it.’</p><p>‘Did he attack you?’ Mike pushed.</p><p>‘No,’ Jesse returned sharply.</p><p>‘Don’t cover for that old hack, Jesse, if he attacked you, I need to know,’ Mike stated.</p><p>‘He didn’t attack me,’ Jesse reiterated.  ‘Fucking hell, I said I don’t want to talk about this.’</p><p>‘Sorry kid, but I’m worried, more so if you willingly slept with that monster,’ Mike admitted.</p><p>‘He’s not a monster, at least not with me,’ Jesse stated.</p><p>‘So, you have feelings for him, is that it?  Some romance with a man twice your age?’ Mike asked confused.</p><p>Jesse sat up and sighed.  ‘I don’t know, it was just, I don’t know,’ Jesse struggled to articulate.</p><p>‘And this is why it concerns me, kid,’ Mike said softly as Jesse rubbed the side of his face again, a habit that was becoming more noticeable to Mike.  ‘You’re a smart kid, Jesse, give yourself some credit and some time to just recover from everything. Don’t be jumping into bed with anyone that shows you any kind of support.’</p><p>‘That’s not what happened,’ Jesse said quietly, his eyes watering. ‘I just needed to feel good again, ok, and Mr White, I think he has genuine feelings for me, me dying in his arms has messed with his own head.’</p><p>‘Still no reason to give in to him, I warned you that is a temporary thing, trust me,’ Mike returned.</p><p>‘I wanted it, ok?  He didn’t force me, I initiated it, ok?’ Jesse stressed, seeing the surprise on Mike’s face. ‘We were just I don’t know, working out that we don’t always have to fight, that we’re a good team?’ Jesse offered.</p><p>‘I hit him for you,’ Mike half smiled.</p><p>‘You hit Mr White, cos of me?’ Jesse turned to Mike, his expression a mixture of amusement and horror.</p><p>‘When I first learned that the doc had concerns, I felt I’d never get a better opportunity to just smash his face in without consequences,’ Mike smiled fully now.</p><p>‘Jesus, there will be consequences, Mike, trust me,’ Jesse relaxed a little.  ‘But seriously, Mr White didn’t hurt or abuse me, ok?’</p><p>‘Just be careful, you have a lot going on in that head of yours, don’t get in too deep with a man like Mr White,’ Mike warned.</p><p>‘Little late with that warning, I needed that a year ago when the old man was stood in my drive way asking me to join him,’ Jesse frowned.  ‘So why do you still trust Carmichael?  The man has already told Del Burley I’m here, passed on a message to me to call him.’</p><p>‘What?’ Mike stood up.</p><p>‘You said he’d explained everything to you? Isn’t that why you were expecting me to reject him, because he let Del Burley join our session yesterday so he could talk one on one to me?’ Jesse explained.</p><p>‘He said you didn’t like talking about yourself and you were struggling to understand why you needed to see a shrink, that you’d likely throw any false accusation in a bid to prevent it,’ Mike stated.</p><p>‘He played you, man, you should listen to me sometimes, you might learn stuff, yo,’ Jesse lay back down and covered his eyes with his forearm.</p><p>‘He told you that Del Burley knows you are here?’ Mike checked and Jesse nodded his head. ‘Do we have to be worried about that?’</p><p>‘He doesn’t want to hurt me,’ Jesse sighed.  ‘When we spoke yesterday, he was all about the explaining and making it up to me, he kissed me and definitely wants to get back in my pants.’</p><p>‘I’m beginning to think we need to get you the hell away from this entire city, kid,’ Mike sighed.  ‘For your own sanity.’</p><p>Jesse didn’t respond, instead he turned onto his side and attempted to go to sleep.  After a few minutes he heard Mike get up and leave the room.  As soon as the door closed Jesse waited until he heard Mike go down the stairs before he got back up, he went to a bag he had spotted in the corner, his own bag and saw a change of clothes inside, along the money had had stored at the house.  Brilliant, Jesse thought, he quickly got dressed then checked each of the three windows for escape.  The one towards the back of the house seemed the best option, he considered, he could jump onto the shed close by and down into the neighbouring property and just run across the gardens till he reached a side road, maybe jack a car and get out of dodge.</p><hr/><p>Del Burley checked his phone, having heard the message alert and he froze as he read it.</p><p>‘Pinkman no longer at the safe house, appears to have escaped, whereabouts unknown.’</p><p>Del looked upwards with clear annoyance in his expression, as he hit the steering wheel.  After the successful chat with Hank Schrader that morning, Del had hoped things would fall into place but things had gone downhill since then.  Something had caused Jesse to run, to not feel safe at the safe house and he wanted to know what that was. Carmichael had called him earlier as he left the DEA offices to say Jesse had been moved from his own house after very real concerns about his relations with an older guy which had not been received well by Del, but to now know he wasn’t at the safe house was concerning.  Was he running back to this older guy, how old, Del wondered, Carmichael hadn’t been very forthcoming with the facts. </p><p>Feeling anger rising in him, Del attempted to calm down, Jesse hadn’t mentioned anyone in their brief chat, he’d only mentioned some dead girl.  There was much more work to be done to win Jesse over, Del realised, but he was reaching a point of thinking he had waited too long.  Jesse had been within his grasp the previous day, he’d been in the same room and Del wondered now if he should have done more, this was his make or break moment.  He had given up everything for Jesse, had spent the past ten years thinking about him, trying to move on without success, to the point even Franko gave up.</p><p>Del took a needed deep breath, he had to regain control, this was ridiculous.  He couldn’t let his thoughts overtake him like that, in truth it scared him a little how his mind did go so dark in moments where he felt he was not going to succeed in his quest, he had to keep control, he needed to make sure he didn’t mess this up.  Franko now owned his company, everything he had worked for was now in his hands because Del wanted one opportunity to prove Franko wrong, to demonstrate that he had always been right, that Jesse was different and it wasn’t a flight of fancy.  What they had together had been very real, and could have been something special had Franko not acted as he had and ruined it.</p><p>Thinking about Jesse escaping the safe house, Del imagined he was smart enough to not simply return to his house, there was no way he’d go to his parents and that’s when it hit him, remembering Jesse’s dad, back to those heady days, it was worth a try, Del considered, it was the only other place he had known Jesse run to before.  Del started up the car, and pulled away, remembering the location without needing to check a map.</p><hr/><p>‘You will take me to Jesse right now!’ Walter White demanded, after leaving Jesse’s house that morning he had gone home, but then later in the day he headed to the lab to demand a meeting with Gus through the security camera.  They had finally turned up a couple of hours later and offered very little in response to his demands.  ‘I will not cook another gram until I have seen Jesse and we settle whatever issues you have with us.’</p><p>Mike stood uneasy, just behind Gustavo Fring who remained calm in the face of Walt’s anger.  They were stood on the top gangway of the superlab, in a standoff.</p><p>‘Unfortunately, that is not possible,’ Gus revealed.</p><p>‘You think it’s a good plan to keep Jesse hostage again, so soon after recent events?’ Walt questioned with anger.</p><p>‘He is not being kept hostage,’ Gus returned.</p><p>‘But he’s not allowed to come out to play is that it, he’s grounded because we got too close?’ Walt mocked.  ‘Did that go against your master plan for him?’</p><p>Gus paused for a moment before responding.  ‘It is not possible because we do not know where he is,’ Gus admitted, and it looked like it hadn’t been easy for him to say it.</p><p>‘What?’ Walt looked at Gus then to Mike.</p><p>‘The kid did a runner a few hours ago, we’ve been unable to find him,’ Mike frowned.</p><p>‘Jesus,’ Walt exclaimed.  ‘So, tell me again that it was best for Jesse to remove him from his own house and keep him away from me, tell me how that was what he needed?’</p><p>‘I take it he hasn’t made any attempt to find or contact you?’ Gus asked pointedly.</p><p>‘No,’ Walt conceded, he had assumed Jesse was safe with Mike and hadn’t noticed or seen anything unusual that might have been Jesse trying to make contact.  It felt like a kick to the gut that Jesse hadn’t turned to him, in any capacity, and he hated the idea of him being driven to the point of running away.</p><p>‘Then we are down a cook, and that is not helpful,’ Gus decided.  ‘You still have time to make quota this week, I suggest you use the rest of today to try and track your partner down.’</p><p>‘Oh, so now you want me involved with Jesse again, earlier I was being labelled a sexual predator,’ Walt snarled, rubbing the bruise on his chin and looking at Mike who remained unmoved.</p><p>‘We have our own people trying to find him,’ Gus revealed.  ‘He is very important to us, and we all want to ensue he is ok, correct?’</p><p>Walt stubbornly agreed, then looked at Mike.  ‘I assume you already have feelers out on the whereabouts of Del Burley?’</p><p>‘I do, it’s turned up nothing so far, but he can’t be ignored,’ Mike agreed.</p><p>‘Good,’ Walt offered, and started to tidy up again with the intention of finding Jesse.</p><hr/><p>Jesse kept walking, he had been walking non-stop now for a couple of hours and keeping off the main roads as much as possible, aware there were probably people looking for him.  He felt skittish as he moved, his nerves were shot as his mind raced with everything going on, trying to desperately figure out what his next best move would be.  He had to suddenly stop as he doubled over, the meagre contents of his stomach came up and once done, Jesse moved to the side and sat down for a moment holding his head.  He took his bag and went through the contents, thankful when he found his meds as he pocketed two of his anti-nausea pills.</p><p>Taking some long deep breaths, Jesse slowly started to feel better and ready to continue.  Jesse glanced across the street and saw a black sedan slowing up at the crossroads nearby, and his instincts kicked in as he quickly shuffled into a side road, out of sight.  He needed a plan, and he took his phone out of his pocket, he wanted to call Mr White, he would know what to do but he was worried.  Mike had hit him on finding out about them, Jesse wasn’t sure why he hesitated, but he was unsure if he should contact him, unable to shake the feeling Mr White would be angry at him for getting sick, maybe it was best to wait until he called him.  Jesse looked around and got his bearings, part of him already knew where he was heading, doing so almost on automatic, he’d always known as he reached the street where he was always told to go if he was in trouble.</p><p>The house felt safe as he approached, and Jesse glanced around seeing no sign of life anywhere that he noticed but then his memory told him this wasn’t unusual, someone would turn up eventually. Knowing Julie owned the house now he knocked on the door, and waited, but there was no answer.  Mike, Mr White, Gus, no one knew about this location, so he felt safe, but to be sure he sat right at the top, almost within the house doorway.  Sitting there the memories of that special night with Julie came flooding back, making him smile for a moment.  He glanced up at the building, unsure why it felt so comforting for him, and it was whilst he was having those thoughts that he heard the car pull up.</p><p>‘I don’t believe it,’ Del’s voice then sounded getting out of the car, and Jesse slowly glanced towards the gate as the older man opened it and approached.  ‘I remember finding you here when you last ran away, I was with your dad, just by chance we found you that night, but this seems to be your go to place, even now.’</p><p>‘What the fuck are you doing here?’ Jesse asked nervously, backing further into the doorway as much as he could.</p><p>‘I heard you had run away from the safe house, I want to help,’ Del answered calmly, he stopped approaching, giving Jesse some space but he was close enough to talk.</p><p>‘Carmichael is a joke,’ Jesse stressed.</p><p>‘Carmichael is looking out for you,’ Del corrected.</p><p>‘Right,’ Jesse mocked.  ‘Look, just leave me alone, ok? I don’t need your help.’</p><p>‘I will leave once you tell me your plan, once I’m satisfied you’re not going to do anything stupid, I’ll happily leave, or you can hear me out and realise I can help you,’ Del offered softly.</p><p>‘You can’t help me,’ Jesse dismissed.  ‘Haven’t you damaged me enough already this lifetime?’</p><p>‘I’ve solved the Schrader problem you had, he’s not gunning for you anymore, he instead wants to help you as well,’ Del informed Jesse. ‘He’s devised a brilliant plan in fact, he’s asked me to help.’</p><p>‘Plan?’ Jesse questioned. ‘I don’t want anything from that fucking joker either.’</p><p>‘He needs a community scheme to put his name to with his new position, that the DEA would support that would help former addicts,’ Del gestured to Jesse. ‘Rehabilitate someone like yourself back into society learning important life skills from trusted entrepreneurs, like myself,’ Del half smiled.  ‘You could really stuff it to the DEA by joining me, and become their poster boy, especially after what that man did to you.’</p><p>‘Are you fucking kidding me?’ Jesse scoffed.  ‘Join you, a trusted citizen? After what you’ve done to me both recently and when I was a fucking kid!’ Jesse raged.</p><p>‘I understand your anger,’ Del said with composure holding his hands up, but not reacting to Jesse’s outburst.  ‘But don’t be so quick to dismiss it, all your problems could go away if you do this scheme, the DEA won’t be able to touch you ever again, they’d never want to discredit their own poster boy should you go off the rails again, you’d be untouchable.’</p><p>Jesse did stop to think about that point, and Del was right, he considered.  That was a little bit tempting he had to admit, he wanted to see the bastard Schrader squirm, being forced to be nice to him, to turn a blind eye to save the embarrassment.</p><p>‘I don’t know,’ Jesse admitted.  ‘Not sure it’s tempting enough for me to join up with you, what the fuck would you want from me? Oh, hang on I can already guess,’ Jesse sniped.</p><p>‘Jesse I already told you what I want, a second chance, the opportunity to just try again with what we had before it all went to hell,’ Del offered.  ‘Your friendship was the most precious thing I took from that time, I know you can’t get pass the sex stuff, and yes, maybe that was misjudged but what I’m talking about is the fun we had outside of that, when we just did go-karts, shopping, spent time as friends,’ Del gestured.  ‘When I was teaching you about business, you do remember that right?  You seem so obsessed with the sex, it’s worrying, I’m just concerned you’ve forgotten it was so much more than that.’</p><p>‘I’m not obsessed with the sex,’ Jesse snapped, he hated the manner of that accusation from Del.  ‘And yes, I do remember the other stuff, and yes we did have fun and you saved me from the hell of my life at home, ok, I remember all that,’ Jesse stressed.  ‘I haven’t forgotten any of that,’ he added to make his point, and now seemed at odds, as he avoided Del’s gaze and rubbed his eyes, feeling tired suddenly.  He was still battling the last of the fever, he couldn’t remember when he last ate and he was not wearing suitable clothes for the sudden chill in the night’s air.</p><p>‘You’re on your own on these steps, Jesse, you ran away from a safe house, right?’ Del checked, his voice even and full of concern that Jesse couldn’t help but listen to, he couldn’t help himself as he finally looked at Del and saw something that he knew deep down he was responding to. ‘If I promise to not even touch you, to not engage in anything that you are not comfortable with, pretty much like before,’ Del suggested. ‘Would you please let me help you right now, get you inside with a safe roof over your head, help you get your life back in order away from whatever chaos you’re running from right now.’</p><p>Jesse took a deep breath, he could hear the screams in his head telling him to just walk away but there were other voices that were noticing the evening quickly drawing in, he had no place to go, he didn’t want to be found by Mike or have to deal with his concerns, and he was freezing cold and starving already.  Repeatedly he was reminding himself that Del never hurt him before, only treated him like he was a prince, and now Del was here once again in his most desperate moment of need, just like before, and Jesse found himself getting to his feet and grabbing his bag.</p><p>Del moved back a little, his face clearly a mixture of excitement and surprise as Jesse, without word, started to walk with him back to his car.</p><p>‘You will not regret this, I promise,’ Del stated.</p><p>‘Just for tonight,’ Jesse simply said.  ‘I just need a place to sleep tonight, ok, to sort my head out?’</p><p>‘Ok, tonight is ok, we can talk in the morning,’ Del enthused and raced around to the driver’s side, in case Jesse had a change of heart.</p><p>As the car pulled away Jackson turned the corner and looked confused, he was on the phone and walked right up to the gate.  ‘There’s no one here, are you sure you saw someone?’ he checked, and when he couldn’t see anyone he headed back round the corner.</p><hr/><p>Walter White couldn’t stop thinking about Jesse Pinkman, to the point that he wasn’t able to eat or do anything.  What had happened over the last few days now seemed like a dream, and it felt so surreal that he wasn’t even sure if it even happened.  The sound of plates coming together snapped Walt out of his thoughts and he realised Skyler had initiated the clean up after dinner, he numbly got to his feet to assist.</p><p>‘Ah, so you are still with us,’ Skyler remarked as she started to wash the dinner plates.</p><p>‘Sorry,’ Walt mumbled and proceeded to take various things from Skyler to dry them.</p><p>‘Let me guess, young Jesse Pinkman is on your mind again, I hope for good reasons,’ Skyler smiled. ‘Don’t think I didn’t notice you didn’t come home last night.’</p><p>‘Is there something flashing on my forehead or something?’ Walt asked unable to understand how she just always knew.</p><p>‘It’s a look you carry when it concerns that boy,’ Skyler offered.  ‘So, what’s happened, did he reject you, have second thoughts, what?’</p><p>Walt took a deep breath.  ‘It appears he’s run away.’</p><p>‘Wow, he truly is a kid,’ Skyler smirked but saw Walt’s concerned features. ‘What do you mean run away, from you?’</p><p>‘There was a misunderstanding, not between me and Jesse, but by others to what we were up to,’ Walt tried to explain, and rubbed his chin.  ‘They took him away from me.’</p><p>‘Who did?  And for what reason, we may call him a kid, but he’s well above legal age,’ Skyler defended. ‘And does this mean the two of you, like, for real?’</p><p>Walt focused on drying a plate before responding.  ‘I was accused of being a sexual predator, and the bruise on my chin is because the person who accused me, felt he needed to ‘save’ Jesse from me,’ Walt explained.</p><p>‘Wow,’ Skyler frowned.</p><p>Walt let out a frustrated sigh. ‘Jesse consented, he wanted it as much as I did, but he’s in a weird place, stuff happened to him and it’s left me wondering if I misjudged things,’ Walt offered with sadness clear in his features.  ‘He’s not contacted me or reached out to me since he ran away, and that makes me feel like I am part of the reason he’s running, I just don’t know.’</p><p>‘And you have no way of contacting him?’ Skyler checked.</p><p>‘I haven’t tried calling, I’m worried he might not want to hear from me,’ Walt returned.</p><p>‘You think he’s left Albuquerque?’ Skyler asked.</p><p>‘A man who can track anyone down has been unable to locate him, so chances are possible that he has, but maybe he has found a place to lay low, he did hang around on the streets for a few years,’ Walt frowned.</p><p>‘Call him,’ Skyler advised.</p><p>‘I’m not sure, what if I’m the last person he wants to speak to?’ Walt feared. ‘He might turn his phone off or ditch it, no, we only call as the very last possible option,’ Walt decided.</p><p>Skyler sighed.  ‘Give me his number.’ Walt narrowed his eyes. ‘Look the worst he will do for a number he doesn’t recognise is not answer, right?’</p><p>Walt tried to think of a reason not to but couldn’t, so he brought up Jesse’s number and showed it to Skyler, who promptly copied it into her phone.</p><hr/><p>Jesse dumped his bag on the bed, having been given the guided tour of Del’s current apartment and just like his old one, it had all the mod cons and looked amazing.  Del had finally given him five mins to himself to settle into the spare room, and Jesse had gladly closed the door to just gather his thoughts.  All he could think now was that he had just made a huge mistake, the panic was real as he looked out of the window, there was no way he could escape from this far up, at least four levels, Jesse reasoned at a guess.</p><p>What the hell had he been thinking, Jesse chastised himself.  Taking some deep breaths, he tried to think of a reason to go, to need to leave and nothing was coming to him.  Maybe now was a good time to call Mr White and just accept the verbal abuse the old man would aim at him for getting into such a stupid situation that even he couldn’t properly explain, for some reason he had seemed a good idea when he was sat on the steps.  Jesse looked upwards, no matter what he did, it always seemed to come down to him being an idiot, he could never escape it.</p><p>Jesse jumped when his phone suddenly buzzed in his pocket, and he looked at it to find a number he didn’t recognise.  Normally he would ignore it, but this was not a normal time.</p><p>‘Hello?’ Jesse tentatively answered, his voice hushed so as not to alert Del.</p><p>‘Jesse?’</p><p>‘Who’s this?’ Jesse whispered.</p><p>‘It’s, er, Skyler White.’</p><p>‘Mrs White?’ Jesse was now confused, losing some of his nervousness but still keeping his voice quiet. </p><p>‘Walt gave me your number, he’s worried about you,’ Skyler offered.</p><p>‘Ok, so why didn’t he call me?’ Jesse asked, his eyes darted to the closed door, hoping Del wouldn’t interrupt.</p><p>‘Why are you whispering, are you ok?’ Skyler asked.</p><p>‘No, Mrs White, I’m not,’ Jesse admitted.  ‘I’ve made a huge mistake, is Mr White there?’</p><p>‘He’s right here, I’ll put it on speaker,’ Skyer stated and Jesse heard her activate it.  ‘Ok, Walt is listening.’</p><p>‘Jesse,’ Walt offered. ‘What’s wrong, where are you?’</p><p>‘I don’t know where I am, it was dark, a part of town I’m not familiar with, the new bit, with the new expensive condos, apartments,’ Jesse relayed in a panic. ‘There’s like a thousand places in this complex,’ Jesse stressed.</p><p>‘Ok, try and stay calm, Jesse,’ Skyler calmly spoke.  ‘Why are you afraid?’</p><p>‘I’m with Del Burley,’ Jesse revealed.</p><p>‘What?’ Walt asked. ‘How?’</p><p>‘I don’t know, Mr White, I messed up, he found me, and I wasn’t thinking, I don’t want to be here.’</p><p>‘Ok, Jesse, are you able to walk around the apartment?’ Skyler asked.</p><p>‘I think so,’ Jesse agreed.</p><p>‘Find something with the address on and text it to me, you have my number now, we will sort something this end to come and get you,’ Skyler stated.</p><p>‘Ok,’ Jesse seemed to be encouraged by the plan.  ‘I have to go, he’s calling for me.’</p><p>‘Jesse, please, don’t let him blindside you, keep your wits about you and don’t take anything he offers, ok? Be strong,’ Walt stressed.</p><p>‘Ok,’ Jesse simply said and killed the call.</p><p>Jesse moved to the door and opened it, taking a deep breath before trying to appear ok, as he walked back into the apartment. </p><p>‘Hey Jesse, I already ordered pizza,’ Del smiled.</p><p>‘Great,’ Jesse tried to show some enthusiasm and looked around the space, trying to work out if there was anything obvious that would have the address on.</p><p>Del’s phone rang and he quickly answered it.  ‘Hey, Hank,’ Del greeted, and gestured to Jesse that he had to take the call, and he moved into his bedroom.</p><p>Jesse quickly began to dart around the apartment, trying to find a utility bill or anything that had the address on, but it was immaculate, and he was having no luck.  He moved to the kitchen and opened some cupboards and drawers, discovering that Del owned very little as most of them were empty or bare, he hadn’t lived here for long, Jesse realised with frustration.</p><p>He heard Del finishing his call and quickly returned to the living area and dove onto the sofa, to appear as if he’d been there all the time.</p><p>‘I just told Hank that you’re with me, and that you’re on board for the scheme we’re setting up,’ Del announced.</p><p>‘But I’m not,’ Jesse returned.  ‘I’m still thinking about it, I know nothing about it, yo,’ Jesse added.</p><p>‘Come on, Jesse, what do you have to lose, you asked me to get the DEA off your case, consider it done,’ Del stated.</p><p>‘So, I don’t get a say it in?’ Jesse questioned.</p><p>‘Why are you being like this?’ Del asked.</p><p>‘Where is this place anyways, I didn’t catch it when you drove in,’ Jesse asked, trying his hardest to appear calm and cool.  Del was just staring at him, not responding.  ‘What?’ Jesse asked, appearing confused.</p><p>Del seemed to snap himself out of it and was suddenly brighter. ‘Sorry, I’m just struggling with this attitude.’</p><p>‘Attitude?’ Jesse threw back, but realised he had to reign it in a bit, Del had all the power here and he needed to heed Mr White’s advice about keeping his wits about him.  ‘Look, I’m just hungry, tired,’ Jesse offered to break the tension that had built.</p><p>‘We never fought, or disagreed before, not once, Jesse,’ Del put forward.  ‘I need you to understand that what happened with Grant, that wasn’t me, I played no part in that,’ Del stressed.  Jesse wasn’t sure what to really say, he was confused why Del was even bringing up Grant so he just listened.  ‘Franko was pulling those strings, and if I had known, or worked it out sooner, of course I would have done everything in my power to stop what was going on.’</p><p>Jesse took a deep breath, more to muster the energy to deal with whatever this was that Del was doing, he wasn’t sure he really even wanted to cover old ground like this, he just wanted out already in a way that Del could accept.</p><p>‘I really don’t want to talk about that,’ Jesse shrugged finally.</p><p>‘I think we need to talk, Jesse,’ Del closed the distance between them, but stopped before getting too close for Jesse’s comfort levels.  ‘Look me in the face and tell me you trust me.’</p><p>‘How can you ask me to do that?’ Jesse returned, unable to believe Del was forcing this issue.</p><p>‘You’re in my apartment, I took you off the street tonight, I’m about to feed you, I’ve given you a roof over your head,’ Del explained with care.  ‘Before when you were younger, I took you out of a very dangerous situation with your home life, I gave you a reason to keep living, I put a smile back on your face but I’m stood here and I sense that you fear me, that you think I’m the villain?’</p><p>Jesse couldn’t deal with this putting his head in his hands as he tried to focus on keeping things together.</p><p>‘I’m about to give you an opportunity to get your life back on track, I know you’re in a dangerous situation once again, I think you need saving Jesse, and just like before I want to help you, and this time I won’t fuck it up,’ Del insisted.</p><p>Jesse glanced at Del.  ‘What are you saving me from exactly?’ Jesse asked.</p><p>‘Can’t you see it for yourself?’ Del questioned. Jesse considered what Del might be referring to, but he just shook his head and shrugged.  ‘I don’t know what to say, I wasn’t expecting this,’ Del admitted and moved to the kitchen, busying himself with getting things ready for the pizza that was due.</p><p>Curiosity got the better of Jesse as he stood up and moved to the kitchen area.  ‘What were you expecting?’ Jesse asked.</p><p>Del stopped and stared at Jesse, they stood opposite each other with the kitchen island between them.  ‘When I left this city, Jesse, you were a bright young school boy on the very cusp of adulthood who had a spirit that wanted to try new things, to embrace life,’ Del began brightly.  ‘You had just suffered what I can only describe as the most horrific experience a young boy could face, yet just two months later you were back on your feet, ready to face life and I know you graduated high school, you just can’t know how proud I was when I saw your name on that sheet.’</p><p>Jesse felt uncomfortable now but didn’t react, he just let Del’s words sink in as he tried to work out where he was heading with this speech, he couldn’t relate himself to the picture Del was painting.</p><p>‘When I heard what Grant had done I was annoyed, another idiot falling for Grant’s games I thought, but when I realised you were the victim I went into denial because I didn’t want to believe that my son had threatened your happiness, I foolishly thought at that time that it had been random, that a quirk of fate had caused you of all people to be on the receiving end of Grant’s mania, but it soon become much more than that,’ Del frowned.  ‘The more I learned about you, the more I saw the sort of people who were protecting you, threatening us, going out of their way to control your fate, my heart sank and knowing you didn’t even know who I was, I walked away because I couldn’t cope with that rejection and I’m sorry I reacted like that,’ Del explained, and wiped his face momentarily.  ‘Jesse, you are Heisenbergs right hand man, right?  You are able to cook the blue crystal to a standard you should have no right achieving unless you’re in too deep, you have a man like Gus Fring killing an entire cartel but keeping you alive,’ Del continued. ‘You have a heroin addiction, you are an addict, Jesse, caught up in a dangerous world and you stand there, and you tell me you don’t need saving? Are you seriously telling me that you are living a good life?  Add to that I hear you’re shacked up with some old man twice your age, what the hell, Jesse?’</p><p>Jesse was dumbstruck by the harsh reality of Del’s words, unable to respond he instead just stood there, lost for words.</p><p>‘Jesse, I’m not saying any of this to be cruel, I’m just telling you the stark reality of your life,’ Del spoke softly in reaction to the look of horror on Jesse’s face, as if it was finally dawning on him.  ‘You need to get out of that craziness, but I’m sorry I will not have you stand in my space, accepting my hospitality and have you think I’m the bad guy here.’</p><p>Jesse glanced at Del on that statement, he felt he had so much he could pin on Del in that moment but words were failing him as he realised what he already knew, he was the bad guy, Del was right, he knew that and he couldn’t take any moral high ground with the stuff he had done as the guilt weighed even heavier on his shoulders.</p><p>‘I’m sorry,’ Jesse mumbled unable to say anything more.</p><p>‘What was that?’ Del gestured that he hadn’t heard.</p><p>‘I’m sorry,’ Jesse said clearer and louder, as he absently wiped his eyes.</p><p>‘Apology accepted, now let’s move on and discuss how we can set you back on track, Jesse, get you away from all the bad you’re mixed up in,’ Del smiled and for one brief moment Jesse desperately wanted to believe that Del had that super power.</p><p>‘May I?’ Del gestured with his arms open.  ‘I could really do with this, let it mark the start of your recovery.’</p><p>Jesse stood uneasily, Del wanted to hug him but Jesse stepped back instead and the disappointment in Del’s face hit Jesse hard, but it was too late to take back.  ‘I just need time to process,’ Jesse offered quietly, almost apologetically.</p><p>‘It’s cool, Jesse, it’s cool, I know you’re in a dark place right now,’ Del offered, and his smile quickly returned.</p><p>‘I don’t think I can stay,’ Jesse then panicked.  ‘I should go, I’m not sure I can do this, be here,’ he flustered.</p><p>‘Oh my god, I haven’t scared you, have I?’ Del now showed panic.  ‘I was too full on, right, I’m so sorry Jesse but I’ve been so nervous about how to reach you, how to help you, I’ve messed up haven’t I?’ Del stressed.</p><p>‘I,’ Jesse offered but paused, again, unsure how to express what he was feeling.</p><p>‘Just stay for pizza, you said you were starving, don’t leave without eating, as soon as you’re done I’ll book you a cab to take you home,’ Del offered and on cue the door buzzer sounded and Del let the delivery guy into the building, directing him to the apartment.  ‘Please, stay, please eat something and maybe we can meet up in a couple of days when you’ve had time to process?’</p><p>Jesse took another deep breath, it seemed genuine and the best resolution to the situation he found himself in.  ‘Ok,’ Jesse agreed.  ‘My heads been so messed up, I just need time,’ he offered.</p><p>‘Go and take a seat and I’ll grab the pizza,’ Del encouraged and Jesse moved to the dining table.  He took out his phone whilst Del was at the door collecting the pizza and sent a quick message to Skyler’s phone.  ‘All is good here, just having some pizza then I’ll be home in a couple of hours.’</p><p>A message came back almost immediately.  ‘Give us an address, just in case, please.’  Jesse showed a flash of annoyance, unsure what to reply with.  He glanced out the window and narrowed his eyes, he started typing.  ‘I can see the Coronado Freeway, Cornado Center and Target from the window, we’re about six floors up, possibly just a block away from Target hard to tell.’</p><p>‘That’s something.’ The text came back, and Jesse replied.  ‘Give it a couple hours, I should be home, and I’ll text when I am.’</p><p>Jesse quickly put his phone away before seeing the reply that came back, as Del put the pizza on the table.</p><p>‘Here we go, I’ve only heard good stuff about this pizza place,’ Del enthused.</p><p>‘I’ve used them before,’ Jesse noted the box.  ‘They’re one of the best ones.’</p><p>‘Good to know, Jesse,’ Del smiled.  ‘Look, I really am sorry if things got a bit too heavy back there, I’m just so keen to make amends with you, after everything, I guess I forget.’</p><p>‘Forget what?’ Jesse asked.</p><p>‘It’s nothing,’ Del dismissed but Jesse looked at him expectantly.  ‘I just mean that, I know I was painted as the villain because, I guess because I took an interest in you, took it too far and grew to love you, and I know at the time that was a big no, no because of your age, and I was made the scapegoat to cover greater crimes.’</p><p>Jesse grabbed himself a couple of slices of Pizza then accepted the water that Del poured for him, and decided to just eat, attempt the small chat, and just focus on getting out of there and back home.  He could then regroup with Mr White and work out how to get out of this stupid scheme and get back to work, before things got too weird with Gus.</p><p>‘I do remember what you did for me,’ Jesse finally spoke up.  ‘I haven’t forgotten what a bastard my dad was, how my parents accepted money from you,’ Jesse offered.  ‘I’m estranged from them now, I don’t speak to them anymore, after I recovered, I moved in with my Aunt, they didn’t have any control over me after that.’</p><p>‘Good,’ Del returned.  ‘How is your Aunt?’</p><p>Jesse flinched, and he wasn’t sure why he expected Del to know but it surprised him that he didn’t.  ‘She died,’ Jesse shrugged, unable to hide the pain he still felt when he talked about it as he readily drunk some water.</p><p>‘Oh my god, Jesse, I didn’t know, when?’ Del asked softly.</p><p>‘About a year after I moved in with her she got diagnosed with cancer, had to juggle school with looking after her,’ Jesse answered, focusing intently on the pizza he was eating by way of distraction, to avoid the pitiful look Del now aimed at him.  ‘She died a couple months before I graduated, made things a bit tough. I had to earn money to get by on my own, missed out on college, which wasn’t really a prospect as my Dad held back my collage fund because he thought I’d just waste it on drugs, then decided Jake would make better use of it with a school trip someplace.’</p><p>‘You never got your collage fund?’ Del checked.</p><p>Jesse shrugged.  ‘Didn’t need their stupid money, I didn’t want anything from them so wasn’t fussed.’</p><p>‘I gave them extra, with clear instructions that if you graduated you would get a lump sum,’ Del stated.</p><p>Jesse smirked. ‘I can’t believe you trusted them, like ever.’</p><p>‘I’m so sorry,’ Del shook his head, and watched as Jesse drunk more his water before attacking a third slice of pizza.  ‘I’m really sorry, Jesse.’</p><p>‘Yeah, I heard you, its cool, I’ve done ok for myself, even managed to buy Aunt Ginny’s house from them for like a quarter of the price, you should have seen their faces,’ Jesse grinned but in that moment he knew something wasn’t right.</p><p>‘I’m really sorry,’ Del finished his pizza and stood up, calmly adjusting his clothes as he moved around the table and with no resistance, he put his hand in Jesse’s pocket and removed the phone.  He checked the messages and frowned, then smashed the phone and Jesse could only watch as he felt more of his body go numb, paralysed and he knew he’d been drugged with something pretty strong, and Jesse feared it was the same drug Franko had used on him.</p><p>‘What the fuck,’ Jesse sneered.  ‘Date rape, is that your style now?’</p><p>‘Since you got here, Jesse you have seemed anxious, skittish, confused and in need of something that could calm you down,’ Del simply explained. ‘I’m trying to help you.’</p><p>‘By rendering me useless?’ Jesse stressed, and his breathing began to quicken in panic as his entire body became numb, and he was unable to move.  ‘Get the fuck away from me.’</p><p>‘I understand your anger,’ Del offered as he got a good hold under Jesse’s arms and lifted him from the chair, dragging him to the living area and setting him down on the sofa, he worked on making sure Jesse was properly supported.  ‘I want you to relax, I want the chance to talk to you without the hysterics, the emotions, you need to listen to what I have to say.’</p><p>Jesse went to reply, but the numbness had started to affect his speech.  ‘B-B-Bite me,’ Jesse managed with effort.  ‘B-B-Bitch.’</p><p>‘I hope you will forgive me, Jesse,’ Del said with fondness as he stroked his face.</p>
  </div></div>
<a name="section0007"><h2>7. Out of Control</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Summary for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
            <p>Jesse is in a bad place, and it's about to get worse.</p>
          </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>Walt paced the living room and glanced at Skyler.  ‘We can’t just sit here for two hours and wait,’ Walt decided.</p><p>‘Agreed, he sounded scared when I spoke to him, these texts just don’t add up,’ Skyler reasoned.  ‘If he’s with Del Burley could Hank get us an address, do something?  Do we legitimately think Jesse is in danger?’ she asked.</p><p>‘Of course he’s in danger, he’s with Del Burley,’ Walt agreed.  ‘Let’s call Hank.’</p><p>Skyler took her phone and dialled the Schrader house, it only took a couple of moments before it was answered and Skyler was relieved that Hank answered, rather than her sister so they could get straight to the point.  ‘Hank, it’s Skyler, yes, I’m good, look we need your help,’ Skyler stated.</p><p>‘My help?’ Hank checked, he was just settling in to watch some sports on TV.</p><p>‘You’re aware that Walt has befriended Jesse Pinkman of late, yes?’ Skyler checked.</p><p>‘Yeah, the kid seems to have latched onto old Walt, what’s the problem, what’s he done?’ Hank asked sitting forward immediately concerned.</p><p>‘He hasn’t done anything, not directly but we’re really concerned about him right now, we think he’s in trouble,’ Skyler offered.</p><p>‘Really?’ Hank asked, relaxing slightly.  ‘I just got off a phone call about him funnily enough, but he is in a good place, what’s changed?’</p><p>‘He’s just texted us, he’s with Del Burley,’ Skyler began, and Hank interrupted.</p><p>‘That’s right, Del called me to confirm that, I’m missing what the problem is,’ Hank admitted.</p><p>Walt snatched the phone having heard enough.  ‘The problem, Hank?  You remember I told you about Jesse being assaulted as a kid, well his attacker back then was Del Burley.’</p><p>Hank didn’t speak initially, and only offered a nervous laugh.  ‘You’re kidding, no, that’s bull shit, Walt, Del Burley is not that guy. What has the shit stain been feeding you?’</p><p>‘Hank,’ Walt was trying hard to stay calm.  ‘Del Burley paid money to Pinkman’s parents when Jesse was just fifteen, it’s all true, you have to believe me, and right now Jesse is with Del Burley and we need to find him.’</p><p>‘I know he’s with Burley, Walt,’ Hank revealed.  ‘Look, I don’t know what to say but Jesse is with Del voluntarily, Del has set up this scheme with the DEA to offer help to addicts, to get them back on the straight and narrow and Jesse is the first recipient of the reward. It’s all above board, Walt.’</p><p>‘Let me guess, Jesse being awarded the first reward was Del’s idea?’ Walt sneered.</p><p>‘No, It was mine actually, I asked Burley if he would help Pinkman,’ Hank admitted.</p><p>‘Great,’ Walt rolled his eyes as the pieces fell into place, Hank wasn’t to know.</p><p>‘Look, Walt, I get your concern but Jesse is a big boy, and him being with Del right now is all above board as far as I can tell, Del called me, Walt, just this minute and he told me he’s with Jesse right now, so I’m not sure I can believe Jesse is in danger if he’s been so open about the fact he’s with Jesse right now. I don’t know what I can do, unless you can give me more evidence of any wrong-doing?’ Hank offered.  ‘Or if Jesse himself asks for my help.’</p><p>‘You really don’t see the problem here?’ Walt checked.</p><p>‘Look, I get it, I do,’ Hank offered.  ‘If Del was Jesse’s abuser than obviously that’s not ideal and I will investigate that.’</p><p>‘Hank, he was his abuser there is no if,’ Walt stated firmly.</p><p>‘Ok, ok, look what did Jesse say to you, the last thing?’ Hank asked.</p><p>‘We called him first and he sounded scared, telling us he had made a big mistake but couldn’t tell us where Del lived, so we told him to find the address and text us,’ Walt recalled.  ‘He then texted to say he was having pizza and he’d be home in two hours, that was just under an hour ago,’ Walt stressed.</p><p>‘Ok look, you check in with him in two hours, if he’s home then great and I will question Jesse further on Del Burley and re-evaluate his participation in the scheme, ok?’ Hank stated. ‘But if you can’t get hold of him, if he doesn’t make it home then I’ll have reason for concern and I can go to Del’s place in an official capacity to check, does that sound fair?’</p><p>Walt sighed, knowing it was the probably the best he could expect in the circumstances. ‘Ok, that’s a plan.’</p><p>‘This kid really has got under your skin,’ Hank remarked.</p><p>‘I’m honestly just trying to help him,’ Walt frowned.</p><p>‘You’re a good man, Walt, too good,’ Hank offered and signed off.</p><p>‘So, I guess we wait,’ Walt spoke with concern, and Skyler got to her feet and embraced him.</p><hr/><p>Del returned to the sofa where Jesse was unable to move, and he sat down next to him.</p><p>‘Please Jesse, don’t be afraid,’ Del offered, and saw Jesse tiredly looking back at him with no reaction, unable to move.  ‘There hasn’t been a day when I haven’t thought about you, Jesse, questioned why I gave you up so easily, if I could have done more that night.’</p><p>Jesse focused on his breathing, it felt more of an effort than usual as he tried to remain calm inside. ‘W-why,’ Jesse began with determination. ‘A-Are you d-doing,’ Jesse couldn’t finish, he didn’t have to as Del understood.</p><p>‘Why am I doing this?’ Del asked and looked desperate for a moment.  ‘This is so important to me, Jesse, to have this opportunity, I know you can’t understand but for the past ten years I have battled with my conscience, constantly asking myself what if,’ Del revealed.  ‘My business partner Franko, well you know how he is, he would constantly challenge me about my choices, he would tell me how you were the big danger.  Over time I guess I began to believe him, I even found myself thinking that way when you didn’t remember who I was, but then there was that one time, when you were like this, immobile, and it made me realise how much I wanted to help you, to hold you.’</p><p>‘F-Fucking p-perv,’ Jesse managed.</p><p>‘No!’ Del snapped with sudden anger.  ‘You can not judge me for daring to love you, Jesse! You can’t do that to me, don’t you understand?  I’m probably the only person who has ever properly loved you!’</p><p>Jesse closed his eyes not wanting to witness Del’s rage, it was all he could do in his own defence, until he sensed Del had moved close, too close.  When he opened his eyes, Del was collapsed against him, but Jesse was unable to do anything but wait for him to move, he heard his sobbing, could see his head was on his chest, his hands wrapped around him but he could feel nothing.</p><p>Del finally lifted his head up and sat back again.  ‘When you got hurt the right thing happened, you were removed from the true bad guys, your parents, that needed to happen,’ Del said, a lot calmer now.  ‘Like you, I needed to remove the bad from my life, for me it was Franko as much as it pained me, he was family just like you saw your parents but I’ve taken too long to realise that’s what I had to do,’ Del explained with care.  ‘He’s out of my life now, and we are together, this is how it should have been, we have the chance now, Jesse, to get both our lives back on track and I would prefer us to do that together.’</p><p>‘N-No,’ Jesse simply said.</p><p>‘I get it, I know why you say that,’ Del accepted.  ‘And if this is the last time we speak or see each other I will accept that, you know I’ve always been upfront and fair on this stuff,’ Del reasoned.  ‘I know drugging you hasn’t helped, honestly I know how this looks but please just give me a chance, I’m not going to hurt you or whatever, I have no interest in doing anything other than talking to you right now, ok?’</p><p>‘J-Just get on w-with w-whatever,’ Jesse slurred tiredly.</p><p>‘I need to tell you the truth, this is important and you deserve to know,’ Del stated strongly. ‘Have you ever wondered why your parents never pressed charges, didn’t take me for all I had?’</p><p>‘N-No,’ Jesse admitted.</p><p>‘You know they could have, ok, they technically sold you to me, but by return I engaged in sexual relations with a minor, I was the public face, mixed with the great and the good, I would have lost everything if they had reported me, if they had gone to the press, but they didn’t, why?’ Del explained.</p><p>‘T-They g-got their m-money, s’all t-they c-cared about,’ Jesse managed and took some needed breaths, his lungs felt like lead.</p><p>‘Did you ever know the amount I paid them?’ Del asked and Jesse shook his head to indicate no.  ‘That first time, the introduction?  I paid your dad $500,000, enough to cover your brothers schooling till he graduated,’ Del revealed.  ‘After your unfortunate incident, to cover your medical expenses and to keep your parents quiet, I paid out a total of $1.5 million, the majority went to your parents, the rest to other parties to keep their silence and cover additional costs,’ Del stated.  ‘I’m not being funny, Jesse, but that was still pocket money, I’m a billionaire do you think I even missed that money?’</p><p>Jesse offered a frown, knowing it didn’t sound much now, but he’d never given it a thought.</p><p>‘And just recently, I threw them another $1 million after Jake’s ordeal with Grant,’ Del smirked. ‘And still they don’t take me to the cleaners, I could have given them ten times that, but why haven’t they pushed their luck, what is stopping them?’</p><p>‘T-They’re d-dumb?’ Jesse asked tiredly.</p><p>‘Because of this,’ Del picked up a piece of paper, a photocopy and showed it to Jesse.  ‘You know what this is?’</p><p>Jesse narrowed his eyes and took a moment to look at it.  ‘M-My b-birth certificate,’ Jesse offered.</p><p>‘A photocopy of it, yes,’ Del agreed. ‘Says here you were born September 24<sup>th</sup>, 1984, to Diane Harper and Adam Pinkman, it’s quite informative,’ Del added.  ‘This is what your parents supplied to Doctor Carmichael when he began to treat you after your accident, just to provide the necessary documentation for treatment, pretty standard.’</p><p>‘W-What is y-your point?’ Jesse was growing weary.</p><p>‘It’s a fake,’ Del revealed.</p><p>‘W-What?’ Jesse asked confused.</p><p>‘It’s fake, this is a fake document, you see normally when asked to provide documents, people will just produce the original, not a photo copy, the photo copy is normally what the office produces for themselves from the original,’ Del stated.  ‘Carmichael instantly questioned this, and he compared the photocopy with others on file, for the same issuing office and found concerns, leading him to believe it was fake so in his capacity he ordered an original.’</p><p>‘O-Ok,’ Jesse was growing uneasy.</p><p>‘This is the original,’ Del picked up a white envelope, and slowly took out the sheet of paper that clearly was an official document and he showed it to Jesse.  ‘Take your time, Jesse, I know this won’t be easy to take in.’</p><p>Jesse’s eyes focused on the text and he immediately saw his name, and suddenly he froze as it hit him, before his eyes rapidly scanned along the rest of the document and his world started to crash around him as he stared at Del, hoping it was some sick joke.</p><p>‘No, no,’ Jesse simply repeated, his breathing getting quicker as his emotions started to threaten.  Jesse stared at the document again, he saw his name, but it didn’t feel real – Jesse Bruce Harper, he glanced at the column for his mother – Virginia Harper, and then father – Jesse Parker (died).</p><p>‘I found out the truth when Carmichael realised the bigger picture first, that maybe I wasn’t the bad guy in all this. A bigger crime had happened way before I got involved, but our hands were tied because of what had happened to you, so we reached a settlement.  I would say nothing, your parents would say nothing, Carmichael would say nothing.’  Jesse looked away and closed his eyes.</p><p>Del moved closer, Jesse couldn’t feel it, but he sensed that Del had a hand on his leg or arm, without opening his eyes he just guessed he was close.</p><p>‘I wanted to say something, I’ve felt strongly about this for a long time,’ Del spoke.  ‘They should not have kept you in the dark, you deserved to know, especially after the way they treated you in comparison to your brother, your cousin,’ Del corrected.</p><p>That correction caused Jesse to sob, unable to stop it escaping as he realised that he had no brother, he had no one.</p><p>Jesse began to feel a slight sensation in his fingers, flickers of movement as the drug started to slowly wear off.  ‘W-Why didn’t they s-say a-anything,’ Jesse asked.</p><p>‘They didn’t think you could handle the truth, and your Aunt Ginny, your mother, she was too ashamed,’ Del answered softly, and Jesse began to feel the warmth of Del holding him as the feelings returned.</p><p>‘A-Ashamed?’ Jesse managed, but was starting to feel stronger in voice.</p><p>‘I don’t know the full story, your mother, the fake one, she likely knows the full story,’ Del admitted.  ‘I understand you weren’t planned, and the situation wasn’t perfect, but that’s all I really know.’</p><p>‘I-I always wished she was my mother, Aunt Ginny,’ Jesse spoke sadly his voice growing stronger.  ‘M-Must have killed her each time I said it,’ he realised and felt a new wave of sorrow.</p><p>Jesse felt a hand on his chest, and he was able to move his head slightly to look at Del.  ‘I wish we could go back, to right all the wrongs, we’re both damaged,’ Del said sadly.  ‘I can see you’re slowly regaining your functions, please, I beg that you will forgive me one last time for what I did, understand why I did it.’</p><p>Jesse closed his eyes for a moment, not able to truly understand anything in that moment.  ‘If you want to take advantage you’re running out of time, pervert,’ Jesse spoke clearly, every second testing his returning movement.</p><p>‘Jesse, please,’ Del begged.  ‘I have nothing but respect for you, I’ve shared information I was forbidden by law to share with you, I’ve played every card I have to try and show you that I am not the villain,’ Del looked desperate.  ‘I have nothing, Jesse, everything I have is gone because of you.’</p><p>‘You gave it up to protect yourself, to protect your fortune and your business,’ Jesse returned. ‘You don’t care about me, you just want to own me, to have me, but I’m not fifteen anymore, Del, and what you want for me isn’t what I want,’ Jesse stressed, breathing heavily as his emotions raged.</p><p>Del’s head dropped and he sighed heavily.  ‘You’d rather fuck around with a guy twice your age, what like a father figure, have I really misjudged you so badly, Jesse?  I thought you despised your father, but you seem to want one in your life, is that it?’</p><p>‘What? Fuck off,’ Jesse snapped, but still couldn’t move enough to get away from Del.</p><p>‘Then what is it, what do you have already, that I can’t possibly give you?’ Del asked.</p><p>‘You tried to kill me, you had me tortured, you handed me to the fucking cartel, and then told the DEA about my association with Heisenberg, everything you have done since you came back into my life has nearly killed me, what is so difficult to understand?’ Jesse returned, frustrated by the lack of recovery he was making from the effects of the drug.  ‘I use to think Heisenberg was the biggest threat to me, but then you showed up.’</p><p>‘Heisenberg is a danger to you? I thought you were his second?’ Del caught.</p><p>‘Newsflash, Heisenberg’s reputation is very real,’ Jesse snapped.</p><p>‘Then why won’t you let me help you escape, why are you so stubborn in keeping to this life you lead, the dangers it puts you in?’ Del asked.</p><p>The question caught Jesse for a moment as he tried to think of a response.  ‘I’m somebody when I’m with Heisenberg, I matter,’ he finally stated.</p><p>‘Oh Jesse, listen to yourself,’ Del looked sadly at him.  ‘You shouldn’t have to be at risk to matter, Heisenberg shouldn’t need to threaten you when you are clearly as good as him at producing the product.’</p><p>‘I wouldn’t say I’m as good as him, he’s the master chemist,’ Jesse managed a slight shrug.  ‘but things have changed since I cooked the perfect batch, since all the trouble you brought onto me, he’s realised how important I am.’</p><p>‘Wait,’ Del narrowed his eyes.  ‘Is Heisenberg the old man you are fucking?’</p><p>‘No,’ Jesse immediately answered. ‘Fuck off about that,’ he added to try and deflect Del, suddenly realising how bad that would be if Del figured out who Heisenberg is.</p><p>Del sighed, and then returned his hand to Jesse’s chest but this time his seemed to be stroking him, as he brushed his hand over Jesse’s t-shirt.  With his movement still limited, Jesse could only shirk a little in protest, before realising there was nothing he could do so he just followed the movement of Del’s hand as he just roamed around his chest.</p><p>‘What are you doing?’ Jesse finally asked.</p><p>‘I figured if you think I am the bad guy, I should at least take you up on your suggestion, I estimate it’ll be about forty minutes till your fully functional again and will no doubt get the fuck out of here,’ Del reasoned.</p><p>‘So, everything you said is bullshit, about only if I want it?’ Jesse returned.  ‘As revenge, you’ll just rape me like your dumbass kid? Well just fucking get it over with already, I don’t care, do your worst, the moment I walked in here I knew that was all you wanted.’</p><p>‘And yet you still walked in here, you got in my car, you followed me,’ Del countered.  ‘Why don’t we both cut the crap, eh kid?’</p><p>‘I don’t exactly have a choice, do I?’ Jesse returned.  ‘I already told you I wanted to go home, you insisted I stay for pizza and then you fucking drug me to prevent me doing anything,’ Jesse added. ‘Are you also going to try and play innocent in why you had that drug is conveniently in your home just days after quitting your entire life? Admit it, Del, this was your plan all along, to get me no matter what, then to have me, and my moment of weakness on those steps is the only thing that sped it up, right?’</p><p>Del half grinned and put his hands up in defence.  ‘I was afraid you’d be difficult, and guess what? I was right, it pays to be prepared for every eventuality, Jesse, and if you would just let me help you I could teach you more about how I always get what I want,’ he stated firmly.</p><p>‘Take what you want, but you will never have me, you better have a good supply of those drugs,’ Jesse dared.</p><p>Del laughed again. ‘I’m a billionaire, I own the company that makes that drug, in fact it was your dad, no uncle, who made me aware of them when they were just starting out with the research into controlling drugs,’ Del stated with a knowing grin. ‘This variant is new to market and you have been a great test subject on how effective it is,’ Del remarked, stroking Jesse’s chest to make his point.  ‘Maybe you should stop mouthing off and understand what you are saying, I am not the enemy unless that’s what you want me to be.’</p><p>Jesse scoffed, still unable to move more than a few millimetres but the numbness was gone, he just couldn’t physically move yet, his body still sedated but his mind fully awake.  ‘This has nothing to do with me, this is all on you, you said it yourself you always get what you want, so what are you waiting for?’</p><p>‘Not like this,’ Del stated and moved away.</p><p>‘Hey!’ Jesse yelled, unable to follow where Del went.  The room was suddenly silent, and Jesse wasn’t able to figure where Del had gone, and he tried not to panic.  Jesse suddenly felt uneasy, his breathing was still heavy, but he couldn’t quite understand what it was until his stomach lurched. The drug had disabled Jesse’s natural reactions and he could feel himself being sick again but was completely powerless to respond or act on it.  Unable to move, Jesse began to choke, his body remaining upright as he desperately tried to shift his weight over, and panic took over as he fought to control the spasms of the sickness, he hadn’t realised he had eaten so much pizza.  His throat felt jammed, as he felt the pressure in his head escalate as he desperately tried to take a breath, and he felt himself start to black out.</p><p>‘Shit, not again!’ Del’s voice was suddenly heard, and Jesse felt his body thrown forward, fingers in his mouth desperately trying to clear his airways.  When that didn’t work, Del man-handled Jesse into the Heimlich position and with gritted determination he did enough to dislodge the blockage and Jesse gasped for much needed air, dazed but alive.</p><p>They both collapsed onto the floor, Del holding onto Jesse in relief and Jesse just thankful to be able to breathe again, but his lungs now ached.  After a few silent minutes of recovery, Jesse felt himself being lifted in Del’s arms and carried.</p><p>‘I wasn’t able to take my meds, or realise I was going to be sick,’ Jesse murmured, his eyes half shut and a little delirious from the shock.</p><p>‘Is it a known issue?’ Del genuinely asked.</p><p>‘I have an eating disorder,’ Jesse simply said in reply.</p><p>‘Shit,’ Del reacted.  ‘The drug I gave you can cause sickness and nausea I think, probably didn’t help.’</p><p>‘No,’ Jesse idly remarked, he felt strange, floaty.  ‘Pizza was good whilst it stayed in me though,’ he added tiredly and Del just laughed, and Jesse looked at him not realising what he’d said, and then smirked. ‘This is the second time you’ve saved me from choking, isn’t it?’ he remembered.</p><p>‘Yeah,’ Del simply replied, and Jesse then realised he was in the bathroom, as Del lay him down in the tub.</p><p>‘I knew you’d get me naked,’ Jesse offered.</p><p>‘I always get what I want, remember?’ Del returned, as he wrestled Jesse’s dirty t-shirt off.  ‘Is this ok, to wash you? You stink of sick,’ Del asked.  ‘I’ll get some cleaners in tomorrow to tackle the living room and sofa, I can only deal with this tonight, if you’re ok.’  Jesse didn’t respond, his eyes closed, and his head rolled to the side.  ‘Jesse, come on, don’t go to sleep,’ Del lightly tapped Jesse’s face until he opened his eyes.</p><p>‘Huh?’ Jesse offered wearily.</p><p>‘You fell asleep, not a good idea in a bathtub,’ Del stated.</p><p>‘There’s no water, and I’m tired,’ Jesse complained.</p><p>‘Hey, stop being a little bitch,’ Del snapped lightly and began to undo Jesse’s jeans and pulled them off, as Jesse reluctantly stayed awake.  ‘Are you sure this is ok?’</p><p>‘Jesus, you’ve seen it before, just get this over with,’ Jesse stated, his body feeling like a deadweight to him now as he desperately tried to stay awake.  Del quickly removed Jesse’s boxers and remaining clothes, before starting the water.</p><p>‘It’s cold,’ Jesse complained and seconds later flinched. ‘Fuck that’s hot!’</p><p>Del grinned as he adjusted the temperature and simply knelt by the tub as it filled up around Jesse.</p><p>‘Are you getting off on this?’ Jesse asked, when the water finally covered his legs, and started to rise above his hips.</p><p>‘What? You covered in sick, oh I can’t resist,’ Del remarked evenly and Jesse smirked.  ‘If I didn’t know you better, Jesses, I’d say you keep egging me on to do something, do you want me to?’</p><p>‘You don’t know me at all,’ Jesse countered.  ‘Two months when I was fifteen was hardly any time to get to know me,’ Jesse confidently returned.</p><p>‘Oh really?’ Del responded, as if challenged and he reached into the tub and put his hand over Jesse’s right nipple, he started to rub and pinch it, grabbing the skin and pulling it.  Jesse felt the full sensation of his actions, and tried to buck, but couldn’t, he closed his eyes and let his mouth fall open slightly, it was clear he was enjoying the attention.  ‘I never forgot what made you putty in my hands, Jesse.’</p><p>Jesse was frustrated when Del removed his hand from his chest and moments later felt a hot spray of water hit him, and he opened his eyes to see Del was now washing away the stubborn traces of sick from his body.  The spray then hit him full in the face, unable to move or protect himself from it Jesse spluttered and gasps for the few seconds Del tormented him.</p><p>‘Bastard!’ Jesse snapped when the onslaught finally stopped, and his face was left dripping wet along with his buzzcut, but he could only hear Del laughing. </p><p>As Jesse recovered Del brought a washcloth to Jesse’s face and properly wiped it down, moving down to his chest and shoulders, doing likewise.  All evidence of his earlier sickness gone, Jesse suddenly realised how vulnerable he was now, completely exposed and still unable to move other than small motions with his fingers and toes.</p><p>Del didn’t speak as he let the water drain away, and then with care he grabbed a towel then proceeded to lift Jesse up, saving himself getting completely drench as he did so.  Jesse was carried through the apartment and taken into the spare room, where Jesse had earlier dumped his bag, he was first placed on the arm chair, where Del wrapped him up in the towel, before preparing his bed.</p><p>‘So, I’m staying then?’ Jesse spoke up finally.</p><p>‘You’re in no state to return home, what if you’re sick again?’ Del answered and Jesse had no reply to that and found himself lifted back up and placed into the bed.  Del then wasted no time in drying Jesse off, expertly moving the towel from around Jesse until he was completely dry, or as good as.</p><p>‘How’s the movement coming?’ Del then asked once he was satisfied Jesse was comfortable in the bed, bringing the sheet up over Jesse’s stomach and resting his head safely against the pillows.</p><p>Jesse flexed his hands, and the movement was noticeably improving, his hands now resembling claws when they clenched, not quite a fist yet.  His limbs were now responding slightly with small movements, it wouldn’t be much longer now Jesse realised.</p><p>‘Your left hand seems to be responding faster than your right one,’ Del observed.</p><p>‘My right hand is kind of injured, or still recovering from damage it sustained in Mexico, and before that damage from being shot by your son,’ Jesse remembered.  ‘I didn’t have great movement in it to start with, it’s only just come out of a cast.’</p><p>Del absently reached out and traced the scars on Jesse’s chest and ribs.  ‘Franko’s work, right?’</p><p>‘Yeah,’ Jesse agreed without further comment.</p><p>‘Can I check your back?’ Del asked.</p><p>‘Can’t stop you,’ Jesse replied but saw the flash of annoyance in Del’s expression. ‘Sure, go ahead,’ Jesse added and felt Del’s hands on him as he was rolled onto his side.  He flinched when he felt Del touching the ones refusing to heal.  ‘Be careful, please,’ Jesse simply said.</p><p>‘These look painful, fucking Franko can’t help himself,’ Del seethed, and gently rolled Jesse back.</p><p>‘Are they bleeding?’ Jesse asked.</p><p>‘No,’ Del replied.</p><p>‘That’s a first,’ Jesse remarked.</p><p>‘How are you feeling, how’s the stomach?’ Del then checked.</p><p>‘Fine,’ Jesse sighed, and closed his eyes. </p><p>‘I’ll stay here until you can fully move, just in case you’re sick again,’ Del offered.</p><p>‘Thanks,’ Jesse replied, unable to understand what he was feeling in that moment, replying the evenings events in his mind and thinking how bad things could have been after the drug took effect.  That thought helped clear his mind, Del had incapacitated him, bottom line, that had happened but also it suddenly hit him again, the revelation about his family and the shock and intense emotion hit him full on again, and Jesse couldn’t help his reaction, as he found himself unable to control the sobs.</p><p>‘Jesse?’ Del was already on his feet and by Jesse’s side, he put a comforting hand on Jesse’s forehead.  ‘What’s wrong?’</p><p>‘Everything,’ Jesse answered.  ‘My parents hated me, resented me, didn’t they?  Because I wasn’t their kid, so they punished me, that’s what it was all about right?’</p><p>‘I don’t know but yeah, something wasn’t right there,’ Del soothed.  ‘But it wasn’t your fault, ok, you need to understand as much as it hurts to admit, you were the victim, an innocent victim.’</p><p>‘I should have run away, that night my dad went weird on me, I should have just run and got away from them, maybe I always knew,’ Jesse stressed.</p><p>‘Then we would have never met,’ Del offered and saw Jesse stare at him.  ‘Ok, ok, I know,’ he sighed.</p><p>‘I don’t hate you,’ Jesse then stated.  ‘I mean, I don’t know what I feel, ok?  I know you helped me when I really needed it, you got me out of that house and away from that psycho family at a time it was consuming me, but why did you have to do what you did to me, why complicate things, why did you ruin it?’</p><p>‘Because I am a sick bastard, I’ll never deny that,’ Del shrugged.  ‘When I first made that deal with your dad, the introduction, all I wanted to do was fuck you stupid,’ Del admitted.  ‘That’s all the deal was, your dad did sell you to me to fuck you, ok, I can’t deny that but that first time I met you,’ Del wore a weird smile.  ‘You walked into that kitchen with a half-bloodied nose, looking so scared in front of your dad, so fucking lost, my heart just melted instantly, ok?’</p><p>‘Really?’ Jesse asked.</p><p>‘You were just a kicked puppy, and I wanted to rescue you,’ Del attempted to explain.  ‘I also wanted to bed you, I mean I wasn’t instantly cured but you helped me realise over just a few days that I could be a better person, which is why Franko pissed me off when he did what he did, not giving me a chance to explain the epiphany I was going through,’ Del stressed. ‘I never had the urge to befriend a younger man again, I mean I tried but they were never you, and I got married, we had kids, I guess I finally grew up.’</p><p>‘You have a wife?’ Jesse checked.</p><p>‘Separated, as good as divorced but she’s still in love with my bank balance, so it’s complicated,’ Del half smiled.  ‘I know it sounds corny, but I really never forgot you and it’s taking all of my will power right now not to, well, let’s just not talk about that.’</p><p>‘I want to talk about that,’ Jesse responded.</p><p>Del just smirked.  ‘Don’t play games, Jesse, I’m tired, you’re tired and sick, let’s just not go there.’</p><p>‘I’m not tired, I’m no longer sick,’ Jesse offered.  ‘What is your will power stopping you doing?’</p><p>Del closed his eyes, clearly conflicted.  ‘Stop being a fucking tease, it’s been clear all night that I scare you, you’ve made it pretty clear I’m the last person you want to be anywhere near, I drugged you for pities sake just to keep you here, just go to sleep, Jesse, I’m not worth it.’</p><p>Del returned to the armchair, trying to not look at Jesse and focus instead on the pattern on the carpet, which made no sense so provided the perfect distraction.</p><p>‘Del,’ Jesse’s voice spoke up after a few minutes.  He knew he may be being played, he couldn’t shift the feeling that Del had this all worked out, but he also felt like he was about to break, still crushed by what he had learned, unable to understand the sheer weight of what it meant, Jesse just needed something right now, and Del was the only one who could provide it in his current state.  ‘Can you hold me, just hold me?’</p><p>‘Oh, Jesse,’ Del went to his side without any hesitation, reminded of that first time he saw Jesse in the kitchen, as he took a look at the pain he saw in young man’s features, he knew the kid was really hurting with the news he had given him and he rushed to the other side of the bed.  Jesse felt Del move close, wrapping one arm around his chest, and putting the other behind Jesse’s shoulders, and bringing his head in to rest in the nook of Jesse’s neck.  ‘It’ll be ok, you’re so strong, you can deal with this, I know you can.’</p><p>Del felt Jesse’s lips kiss his the top of his head gently, he didn’t want to believe it but when Jesse did it again Del lifted his head and softly kissed Jesse on the lips, and soon his natural instincts kicked in and he brought his hand up to the side of Jesse’s face and kissed with more force.</p><p>Pulling back, Del looked at Jesse staring back at him with half lidded eyes. ‘Are you absolutely sure?’</p><p>‘Yeah,’ Jesse nodded his head.</p><p>‘But it feels wrong now, you can’t move,’ Del gestured.  ‘I don’t want to take advantage, not now, not after everything.’</p><p>‘You’re not taking advantage,’ Jesse brought his hands up to Del’s face, and brought it back down to meet his lips.  ‘I can’t quite flip you on your back just yet but give it another ten minutes and I could try,’ Jesse smirked.</p><p>‘I don’t want to wait,’ Del grinned.  ‘And I seem to remember you were partial to not being able to move much,’ Del offered and forced Jesse’s arms up above his head.</p><p>‘If you have restraints connected to this fucking bed, then I’ll know I’ve been played,’ Jesse stated.</p><p>‘If you hadn’t got sick and we’d been in my bed, you would have been totally played,’ Del kissed Jesse with more force as he kept Jesse’s hands in place and used his other hand to brush over Jesse’s bare chest.</p><p>‘You can trust me,’ Jesse whispered, and Del removed his hold on the younger man’s wrists and smiled as Jesse kept them in place, allowing him full access to explore a body he hadn’t had access to in over ten years.</p><p>Jesse was his again, and Del felt like the luckiest man in the world.</p><hr/><p>To be continued in PART 4 ACCEPTANCE – posting sorta soonish… hopefully 😊</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Notes for the Chapter:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
          <p>and so another part finishes.</p><p>I hope you enjoyed this installement, did it end how expecting or did that kinda sicken/shock/disgust/anger you?  Please let me know comments, I'm about done writing the next part so would be good to know some feedback! :)</p>
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